How good is YOUR communication????

[Yvette84]

Hi, well I'm in a LDR (only for a few more months! till he moves here!) anyways. We talk everyday for hours but it seems strained or pointless at times. I was wondering how good is the communication with you couples who are in LDR's? I mean, there isn't really much new to talk about EVERY single day. and When your in person it's different cuz you are doing stuff AND talking. So I was wondering, when is it normal to run out of stuff to talk about when you talk every day?? and only have the phone? and how long are your daily conversations??

thanx

 

[Pippa]

Yes, that is a difficult one. Sorry, I mean your question. LOL

 

Communication comes in many different ways. I know I wasnt communicationg in my relationship. We emailed each other every day, but I know now the intimacy wasn`t there I suppose.

 

You can of course communicate in different ways. Emails, MSN, texting, or plain simple phoning.

 

I know its hard to maintain a conversation when you are in a LDR. Hell I know this because when I did go, and visit my girlfriend. (now an ex) We had next to nothing to say. I have to admit looking back, there were awkward silences.

 

I think thats why she split up with me.

 

Conversations can flow, but you need something to talk about. Either send him jokes, or attachments in your email. Tell him funny incidents that happened at work, or scandals that have happened at work.

 

You have to include every aspect of your life to your partner. I found out, I wasnt doing this with my partner, and thats why she left. Her biggest complaint was that, `we don`t talk like normal couples do`.

 

When I tried to win her back, I moved offline, and moved onto the telephone. The longest conversation I had with her was about 3 hours long. The average was about an hour or so.

 

If you`re struggling for things to talk about, then that`s nothing to do with your communication. Everyone can communicate, but it depends at what level. What you are doing at the same time, which can distract you from talking, and the situation. (for example, is it a convient time to talk)

 

The main thing is. Try to plan a weekend together, and do things together if you can. In that way you have something to reminicse about.

[Sally00]

I don't think there is a real "normal" range of communication in a LDR. It varies for everyone.

 

When I was in a LDR, we talked on the phone and on AIM and played HALO together (that's how we met..).

 

I guess you could say I'm in a LDR for 2 weeks (lol)... that's because I'm back at home... I'll be back on the college campus (hundreds of miles away) next week though. But we talk on the phone everyday... for about an hour or so. It seems like we always have something to talk about. But don't get me wrong... it's not like we ever have silences. Silent moments are BOUND to happen. And when it's silent, one of us starts singin' or sayin' "I love you" or stuff like that. It's cute. You can try that!!

[Pippa]

Sorry Sally00, but I think you missed the whole point of the question being `good`.

 

I don't think there is a real "normal" range of communication in a LDR. It varies for everyone.

 

I don`t think Yvette84 is talking about a `normal`, conversation here. She is querying how good, or effective a couples conversation is before it runs dry.

 

Depending on the person who could be a complete gossip monger, then one can speak for hours, and hours. I mean what is normal after all?

 

I think what Yvette is trying to say, is that her conversations are `pointless and strained`, and to her it seems like its hard work.

 

Of cousre it is, because its a long distance relationship they are in. Thats why in my previous post like what I said you have to include every aspect of your life, or your friends around you into your conversations, because if its just the two of you talking, about the two you. Then yes, it would become strained, and pointless.

[rikka]

Before our relationship turned long-distance, my BF and I were not phone people. So we still aren't phone people. We have a good conversation about once a week on the phone. Other days it is a quick "hey how's your day? Love you talk to you later" type of conversation. I send him stupid emails on a daily basis. Just telling him about the mundane things in my life. It is my way of keeping in touch.

[Misschris1031]

I think it is redundant to talk every day. My BF and I used to talk everyday but as the months progressed we started talking every few days..it varies.

 

It makes it better to let some time pass in between so you have something to talk about. It is also a good test to see how clingy your partner will be. If they cannot handle going two days without talking to you.. I don't think that is a good sign. You have to have complete trust is that person and also know that an LDR means that each of you have your own independent lives and then you have your time together.

 

It is impossible to include every mundane detail of your life into a conversation. We just stick with the important stuff. It is about including that person in as much of your life as you can.

 

Try taking a couple days off inbetween talks.. it really makes a difference.

[laboheme]

My (ex)boyfriend and I had an LDR during my first year of college. Life was very routine for both of us, so within a month we basically knew exactly what the other person was doing at any given moment. Oftentimes we didn't have anything significant to talk about, so we decided to give each other a random fact about each other (about past events, present states, future dreams, etc.) It can be a challenge to find something completely random to say about yourself, but it certainly gives you a starting point!

 

We were also lucky enough to have free minutes during nights and weekends, so a few times we ended up falling asleep on the phone. It definitely gave us a feeling of closeness

[Pippa]

Sorry, but I need to ask. Does anyone know why Sally00 has been banned?

[monkey1]

Sorry, but I need to ask. Does anyone know why Sally00 has been banned?

 

No idea. Weird though.