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OK, I'll go from the top...


I met this girl, she's a photographer and she took some pictures of my band. We'd been flirting over text for a while before that, mainly centered around the location and organisation for the shoot etc. We get on really well.


One day she asked me if I fancied going to a gig out of town. I said yes and we arranged to crash at a mutual friend's house. We had a wicked night and she was (seemingly) really flirty. A couple of days later I messaged her on MySpace (lame, I know) and said I thought she was great, that I'd made a really great mate and I'd love to take her out. I left her in no doubt that I was asking her out.


She said no, she's not ready for a relationship because she's still got issues with her ex and stuff, but she thought I was wicked and wanted to hang out more. Cool, I thought, can't really grumble.


We went out a couple more times and nothing really happened other than flirting and expressions of mutual appreciation of each other. She told me she loved me one night, but she was drunk so that didn't count... lol


Anyway, a few days later she changed her status on MySpace to "In a relationship" - so I messaged her and asked who the lucky guy was. She said she had just changed it because she was getting fed up with getting dirty messages from weirdos and stuff. Fair enough, I thought! She jokingly said she was gonna change it back because she thought it might put off potential business! And she did. Then a couple of days later she changed it to "In a relationship" again. By this point I'd given up on her. She'd been on holiday, and I'd been on holiday so a good 2 weeks had passed.


Anyway, we went out on Saturday and she met some of my friends. She met my best friend, and went on to tell her about how great her boyfriend was! She knows how close my best friend is to me, and I'm pretty sure she knew it would get back to me. Anyway, I acted no differently and thought she might tell me, or at least hint to me about him. But she didn't. And she was telling another of my friends how much she liked me. In fact she told me how much she liked me. But she did not tell me about her boyfriend. From what my friend said she's been going out with him for a while now as well.


So, why didn't she tell me? My friends seem to think she's keeping her options open. Thing is, I don't normally fall for girls like I've fallen for her. It's driving me mad, hence the 1.30am post. I haven't slept for ages either. What do I do now? My friend has been messaging her on MySpace, too, and it seems the relationship is going well. She's also been going on to me about how she hates people who cheat, and she agreed with me when I said (before I knew this) that if you're looking elsewhere in a relationship, it ain't that good.


Thing is, I've realised now she keep censoring herself in front of me. I can't have a conversation with her because she won't tell me what she's been up to. I mean she will, but now I realise it's limited. She never says who she's been out with and stuff.


I just want her to tell me so that we can establish that this is going no further than friends, and then she can talk to me like a normal friend. But I'm not sure she wants to, despite what she says.


I don't know what to do now. She's coming to my gig tomorrow but I dunno if I can face her. I just feel so frustrated.


Do I confront her about it? I'd rather she told me voluntarily, but then I think she knows I know - I think that may have been her plan all along.


And I can't help but hang on in case I'm still in with a chance...


G'arrgh. Any advice appreciated.



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My advice would be to run for the hills. When you first asked her out on a date and she rejected you, you should have left it at that and moved on. Instead you continued to hang out with her even though she wasn't part of the group. By hanging out with her more you've fallen for her. This is your own doing and it was intentional. Maybe not falling so hard but you were rejected and you intentionally kept her around. That blunder rests on your shoulders because it was pretty much pointless.


In my opinion, who cares about the "boyfriend" who cares about anything else, she's rejected you once and has been flakey ever since. What is there to like? I would never want to waste my time with someone like that. It's basically inviting drama into your life. She wouldn't have passed my test of seeing if she was sane enough to date. When I see this flakey behavior I dump the girl and move on. There are plenty of sane women out there who won't be flakey. I suggest you accept her rejection and find these other women. If you keep playing with fire you'll get burnt.

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Yeah I appreciate what you're saying, however there is a part of me that just wants to know what's going on.


I can handle being friends with her, I really can - I've done it before. I just need clarification so we can move on to the next stage of the relationship.


You're right in that I need to leave her in the past and move on. The problem is I'm extremely picky and this is only perhaps the second girl I've had a serious crush on it the last seven years. Seriously - I've been single for that long (I'm 26, btw) - my type don't come along too often and so getting burnt like this hurts more than it really should. I didn't move on after the first time because she made it sound like there was a chance of something in the future, so why would I not hold on for a while?


Thanks for your thoughts, I really do appreciate you taking the time.

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