Every a good idea to confront a girl on her actions?

[Lansing]

So, at the end of my "why are some girls flakey" thread I mentioned about this other girl that I had started dating. Well, she had made some "tentative" plans with me and then didnt' follow through with them without a phone call and then went away on holiday for a week and half (only to sent me a quick 3 line e-mail that she would call me when she came back). Well, we met up after she came back and she was acting all interested (i.e. she was very aggresive, very flirty, etc)... I actually had to cool things down a bit because I felt things were moving too quickly (especially after her flakiness). So, after that night I have talked with her on the phone and we made other plans but stuff came up and she had to change them (she called me at least this time, it was work related stuff). During that night I had jokingly mentioned her flakiness and she appologized for it (she said she hadn't forgotten about me, far from it,etc,etc).... So, based on that night and the time we talked later I thought she was totally into me.

 

Which leads to now. I haven't talked to her in over a week and a half. I had called her when she got back from work but she just sent me a text to tell me she was back but things were a write off for a few days. I called her on Thursday, left a message for her, but she hasn't call me back.

 

Part of me wants to confront her about her actions and her lack of respect. Like.. part of me wants to make her realize her actions are not acceptable. I am pretty much at the point of not wanting to date her in the future (unless she has a REALLY good reason for her last actions..... I am partly thinking she isn't very experienced in relationships and it scared so she backed off.... but, well...that is just lame if that is the case)...

 

Anyway, general question, is it ever a good idea to confront someone? I know I should probably just forget about it... but I am curious about other people's experience.

[NJRon]

If it were me in this situation, I probably wouldn't confront her. you haven't really had enough of a relationship to date to confront her about flakiness like this. I would write it off. If she contacts you and wants to get together, then you can tell her that you aren't interested and why, if appropriate.

 

Just seems to me that when someone isn't contacting you it doesn't make much sense to tell them you don't want to hear from them because they aren't contacting you

[bacci]

I agree. Wait a few days to see if she contacts you. She did tell you her life was hectic at the time. Fair enough. If you do confront her she'll feel too much pressure. You said it yourself that things were going a bit too fast and felt the need to cool down. she might be feeling the same, perhaps being busy with work and social life, perhaps she doesn't want to get involved too seriously, too soon and wants to continue enjoying time with other people as well. Be cool. Wait a little and then try one last time.

[chai714]

Quit chasing her for now. If you ever want to know how to deal with a flaky person, the answer is to drop her. Probably not what you want to hear, but her supposed "busy life" is simply an excuse. When a woman likes you, she will respect you. This woman disrespected you from day 1 when she stood you up. Then, she came around because she needed an ego boost and appeared to like you. Now, her true colors are once again shining bright and it spells F-L-A-K-E. There are simply too many reliable women to keep this flakey one around. She doesn't respect you and when a person you're dating quits respecting you or never has, walking is the best thing you can do for yourself.

[Dating Coach]

Not necessary to confront her. She's already been flakey enough to where I wouldn't date her again. If she had to know why I stopped talking to her I'd simply be passively honest and say, "I'm actively dating but I don't care to date someone who's constantly cancelling plans. I had fun but I'm really only looking to date someone who's more considerate about these things."

[heloladies21]

Probably not a good idea to confront her. Nothing would be accomplished. At this point I'd just let the situation be for the moment. If she contacts you, talk to her for a bit and if she suggests getting together, tease her about it. Like "Oh, so now you wanna get together" "I don't know about you" things like that.

 

You do want to confront people in certain situations, but this is not one of those. It would simply flip her off switch and turn her completely off.

[Lansing]

Thanks for the replies....

 

I guess I will just forget about her for now and if she calls I will figure out what to say........ It is so odd because during the 4 or 5 dates we had she seemed totally into me. The only thing I can think of is because I was cautious and not wanting to jump right into things she might have wondered how interested I am in her. This is feeling almost like a "test" right now where she is waiting to see how long I will go before I call her again. So, if she calls me I figure out something to say at that point I guess....

[heloladies21]

Good, and to be honest with you, everything you do with a chick is a test in the sense that you have to act congruent with who you are or else she'll sense it and lose interest/drop you all together. So get on some other numbers asap. More experience waiting for you out there.

[Lansing]

Didn't realize how hard it would be just to forget about her....

 

I guess I keep thinking "what if she didn't get my message"..... well, I just found out from a mutual friend that she had been sick over the weekend and was still sick earlier this week...(I didn't ask, it came up in conversation). I think everyone here would probably give me the advice "don't call her, she will call you if she is interested" but I keep thinking maybe she thinks I don't want to hear from her or is worried how I will react if she calls me a week later.....

 

I am debating whether to send her an e-mail or something.... I probably shouldn't but I guess I kind of want to give her one last chance.....

[Dating Coach]

If that's what you have to do.

[heloladies21]

No regrets, so do it up. You don't ever want to be asking yourself what if.

[Lansing]

ok.. I decided to do the e-mail thing and she responded the next day by text basically saying should would have to pass since she just got the e-mail and it was already late..... Anyway, from the tone of the text, I feel better just leaving things be for now.... I feel like now she knows I want to see her again and now it is up to her to make the effort if she does... so, I am leaving things be unless I hear from her.. and even then, she will have to prove to me that is worthwhile to try again.....

 

I just wanted to put a quick update up for those that were reading.... I like reading others when they come back and post followups to their stories!!