Why does my husband have a nude photo of another woman?

[earthangel79]

Last night I found a picture of a naked woman in my husband's cell. It makes me feel very unappreciated. Actually, it really hurts me a lot. I told him earlier in our relationship how offensive that kind of behavior from a man is to me. It's not like he doesn't know this already! He has a topless photo of me. Yet, he has a photo of some woman he doesn't know. I know that men look at other women, but I think it's crossing the line a bit when they have photos of women when they are in a relationship. We've only been married for 6 months Why is he doing this? I don't know what to do.

 

 

Desiree'

[Meow18]

Honestly, I wouldn't like it either. I think that it's disrespectful of him to do that, especially when he knows you don't like it.

 

I think you need to tell him you saw it and see what he says. There's no point in pretending like you didn't see it when it really hurts you.

 

I don't know why he would do something like this. You'll need to find out from him if you want to know.

[PhilliesFan001]

All you can do is talk to him about it. But what kind of picture is it? If it's like real pornography then to my mind he's just being a normal guy (but if it makes you uncomfortable, tell him)...but if it seems like an actual picture that he took himself, there could be something going on.

 

Either way, ask him.

[coollady1957]

Have you asked him about this picture on the cell phone? If so , what has he had to say about it? Is this picture a random photo of someone that he does not know? Where did he obtain the photo from ?

 

If he is aware that nudes of other women upsets you, then he should respect that issue and not have such photos in his phone. Maybe you need to have a talk with him and set some boundries and expectations with each other on the nude photos.

[Day_Walker]

As a man, I like to look at naked women. Its just something that I like doing. If my partner had a problem with it, I doubt it would be something that I would stop doing because she didnt like it. I would most likely tell her that I had no intention of stopping or hide it. Is that selfish sure, but its not something that I am going to stop because she has a problem with it.

[Hope75]

I'm curious too... is this a picture that HE TOOK OF ANOTHER WOMEN...?

Or is it something that he was sent from someone else... a text or email picture?

 

I think WHERE HE GOT IT AND IF HE TOOK IT HIMSELF makes a big difference (at least to me) as to how I would handle this situation.

 

Have you asked him about it??

[BellaDonna]

If the picture is some generic porn picture that he downloaded as a wallpaper for his phone- I don't think it is cause for too much concern.

 

HOWEVER....

 

If the picture is of a "real" woman , if it's a picture he took himself then it is VERY concerning.

 

I agree with the others think in this case it's the source of the picture that matters the most. Can you provide more details?

 

BellaDonna

[earthangel79]

The photo is something like a pic from a men's magazine...I don't know. The only thing I can tell you is that she is nude. I know my husband very well; He would not like it if I had a picture of some naked dude on my phone. It's the principal that upsets me more the picture itself. Hypocrisy really erks my nerves.

[Hope75]

The photo is something like a pic from a men's magazine...I don't know. The only thing I can tell you is that she is nude. I know my husband very well; He would not like it if I had a picture of some naked dude on my phone. It's the principal that upsets me more the picture itself. Hypocrisy really erks my nerves.

 

 

OK, so you are thinking it is more likely that he download this picture.

 

Have you asked him about it?

 

So, he would not like it if you had a similar picture of a man in your possession?

[BellaDonna]

Maybe there is some kind of compromise that can be made. Honestly, if my husband looked at naked photos in a magazine or online, it would to bother me. However if he had a naked woman on his cell phone as a wallpaper, that would annoy me. Mainly because others can see it and I think it would be disrespectful for him to parade around with it. Putting something on or in your cell phone also gives others the perception that it "defines" you or your personality in some way. It's almost like advertising something/trying to portray something.

 

Honestly, I don't know where he works but if he uses his cell at work or for work- having such pictures on it would be perceived as distasteful and unprofessional too. People get charged for sexual harassment for things like that.

 

In essense, if he wants pornographic materials they are best viewed in the privacy of one's home. Maybe that is the approach to take with him.

 

If you tell him he can't have it at all- then he's just going to rebel.

 

If he does not understand where you're coming from, maybe it's time to order PlayGirl magazine.....

 

 

BellaDonna

[earthangel79]

Thank u some much for your replies!!!

 

Keep 'um coming!

[Stari]

Could pictures that contain both a man and a woman, each in a nude state, be OK with you both?

[joeshmoe]

like others said before, if it's just a generic download, you shouldn't be too concerned. I, being a guy like to look at porn too...it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, or he finds you unattractive or anything like that. It really doesn't. Men just like to look, period. Women have their paperback romance novels, and men have nudie magazines...

[butterflies]

have you asked him about the pictures? maybe his friends forwarded the picture, you never know. there's nothing wrong about it a long as it doesn't affect your relationship.

[Cadence308]

How do you know that he does not know the woman in the naked pic on his cell phone? Seems pretty up close and personal to me and I would be p*ssed off about it. Don't pretend like you didn't see that. It is definitely crossing the line and you have very right to ask who she is and why he has it on his cell phone. That is so disrespectful to you!

 

Who knows why he is doing this. I don't get men...I date women.

[Dako]

I don't get men...I date women.

 

Cause and effect, or merely a preference?

I like women too.

[Siriana]

If it is just downloaded picture who cares......

If you are annoyed with the fact that he would be against this idea of you having a picture of naked guy in a cell... than it is easy to solve the problem. Download to your cell a picture of a perfect guy - like really great body etc. if he complains tell him that you will remove yours if he removes his. If he doesn't want to do it is still o.k. than you can keep this guy in your cell

 

I wouldn't worry over this. If he's treating you nice and relationship is o.k. and you know he loves you and he wouldnt cheat on you than it is the best not to torture him or yourself over this. Just let him be. I guess those pictures for them are like shopping for us - they make them happy. But they now they're unrealistic. But they look great so they enjoy once in a while looking at them.

[Dako]

In the early stages of marriage, certain things happen that snap you out of the expectaion that everything is magically perfect. If a 1 inch image on a telephone screen is the worst that happens, you might just laugh over this in 30 years with him. Or you can use it to start a long series of tense moments.

[hardcharger]

unfortunately, for most of us, some type of pornography is a "necessary evil". But that is something for private. Not to be tolerated on your husbands cell phone, that is just not right, sort of like Playboy photos on his wall. Is he still in college or what?

[scoobified]

im in the same boat. to me theres morals and doing that crosses them. i keep finding photos and videos he even msgs spam emails back. i confront him asking, why? i want to understand. all i get is denyal it wasnt me, or my phones been hacked. no joke some just have surfaced and now hes blaming me, hes saying im the one that saved those photos and videos on his device. i dont understand, hes been caught and now hes trying to blame me for his actions. he says he loves me, weve had our ups and way way downs, been together for almost 9 years, why must he lie. why try playing me like a fool when i know its him. he wont take responsibility, his temper goes sky high, not abusive, but he looses it when i catch him lying.

he says im the one for him, but he knows that stuff gets to me. it makes me feel like im not worth the effort, specially for that. i just dont understand why must he and yours do this when they know it pulls at our heart strings. 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, scoobified said:

i just dont understand why must he and yours do this when they know it pulls at our heart strings. 

Scoobi, this thread is 15 years old. Your dilemma is that you are policing his sexuality as if you're his mother and he is a 13 y/o shameful little boy. Stop it.

Porn/masturbation is his private business. It's not an affront to you or your desirability.

[scoobified]

he lets me use his phone. i dont even hunt, i unintentionally come across them. i dont go hunting there is a good long time where there is nothing then he has me use his phone for him and there they are. i dont know if he forgets or just wanting to see if i react the same way i did before, he knows it does bother me. i just wish hed be honest with me and not blame me for it. i just want to understand why he blamed me. i have respect i dont snoop.

 

[Tanzi]

EDIT:  just read Wiseman’s post above. Response not necessary. 
 

Scoobi, why don’t you start your own thread? I’m sure you’ll get responses.