Jayar Posted August 14, 2006 Author Share Posted August 14, 2006 The movie went well. I mean, maybe it's my extreme hypersensitivity to things right now, but he was DEFINITELY very kind and considerate even though there were some "red flags"... RED FLAG #1: He asked when I wanted to meet up, I suggested 2pm and we could go check out his favourite car dealership before the movie... He suggested 2:30pm and we skip the dealership. Now, this bugged me. I mean I wanted to spend every second I could with him, but he obviously wasn't thinking on the same lines. RED FLAG #2: He wanted to meet me in a parking lot by his house. He didn't want his family asking questions or providing their input, which is valid. Especially since his little niece and nephew were over and they would be unnecessarily confused by SEEING me now that as far as they know we aren't together anymore. His protecting of the kids (and himself from his opinionated family) has always been important to him so this wasn't SHOCKING, though it was kinda irritating. Just further confirmation he's not ready to bring me back into his life any time soon. RED FLAG #3: He totally treated me like just a friend the whole movie. I mean we joked around and he laughed and seemed happy, but he definitely wasn't phased by me in a "date" kind of way... At the same time, I KNOW he doesn't want to lead me on. He made it clear that he's not ready to get back together, and if we don't, he doesn't want me to feel like he led me on. So right now I am leading myself on... Can't really blame him for that. GOOD POINT #1: He was happy! I LOVED seeing him happy! I missed his smile so much... GOOD POINT #2: He insisted on paying. I said he didn't have to, this wasn't a date, but he wouldn't have any of it. He did let me pay for the drinks, but he wouldn't let me buy my ticket. GOOD POINT #3: When it was time to go, he hugged me like he never wanted to let go. I mean he REALLY hugged me. It was the BEST part of the whole thing. He said "see you later" and I said "it's a possibility" and smiled... All in all I think we ended the outing awesomely. I don't know what to really make of this all yet. I'm still at the point where I resumed immediate reactive NC, and I don't expect to hear from him at all for the next week (maybe longer). We did NOT set another date for another outing, which I am GLAD of because now I don't have any sort of timeline to wait on. Basically he'll call me if and when he wants, and invite me to spend time with him if and when he chooses. I am really glad we had a positive day yesterday, and based on the feeling I get I think almost 100% he will call me at some point. I'm also 100% sure it will be later than I want and also sure that this is no indication of us necessarily getting back together. I still don't know if I want to be with him. I love him (that's undeniable) but I just don't know how I feel about spending the rest of my life with someone I KNOW isn't sure of me... Even if he gets to the point he DOES want to try again, I'm worried it might be for the wrong reasons; not because he has this intense and undying love for me, but because he figures he may as well since he doesn't think he can find better. He's never said that and he wouldn't, but I can't help but feel in a way that I'm not his FIRST CHOICE in life. I don't know if that feeling would ever go away. Does that make sense? Quote Link to comment
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