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alright so i have a little problem. i've known this guy for over 2 years now and there's always been like something between us but neither of us have acted on it. this past june, he came to prom with me and it was obvious to everyone in the building that there was something between us. just by the way we stood and acted in each other's presense. after that nothing really happened. so then this past month our families spent a week together and we ended up having a nice heart to heart. i had a boyfriend at the time and he was like all over me the entire trip. he flat out told me that he was jealous because all my attention was not on him. now, since we are both going off to college in a couple weeks, neither of us really want to start any kind of relationship, but he wants to be friends with benefits. i dont know whether or not this is a good idea.

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how desperate are you to get laid?

 

Unless the answer is very, id say its a bad idea. I am not sure how it would really help your friendship to start this kind of thing right before you head off to college.

 

What if its bad, what if you get knocked up, what if you develope feelings for each other (or only one of you does).

 

Too many ifs if you ask me. Id remain friends, and if something 'happens' and its meant to happen then go with it... but I wouldnt plan on being f**k buddies.

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so your not with your boyfriend???? you didnt write if you brokeup.

well if you think you can separate your feelings from sex, then id say okay. but its really hard to do that.

ive had a good friendship with a male end in the dumps because we hooked up. We use to work together, hang out and he was a good friend that i could talk to.. THEN we hooked up its ended really messy.

How much do you value his friendship?? .

i personally dont like the idea of hooking up with friends. been there, done that. and alot of people i know say the samething, NO.

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I am not seeing the disadvantages here if it is something you both want. Pregnancy is a risk no matter what if you engage in sex. I don't believe a friends with benefits situation is unique in this regard. So I don't see that as relevant.

 

Sure, more than likely one of you will end up developing feelings for the other and it (the sexual relationship) will end badly. That is a risk you take with any 'friends with benefits' situation. If you don't wish to for this, then it is best to avoid it. Like with many issues this is a risk versus reward situation. I would make your views fairly explicit though if you end up choosing to do this. That way you both know the ground rules and what to expect from it.

 

I don't mean to sound negative towards females, but I do frequently see women carefully guard a man she sees as a friend, specifically staying away from the friends with benefits situation. But many men are not friends with females unless they also would be willing to have sex with them. So it seems there is misperception on both sides. I fail to understand why women feel the way they do as so many men only gravitate toward women they are attracted and would sleep with when looking for female friends. Sure men may value everything about the friendship, but under most circumstances they also are sexually interested. I certainly wouldn't value a female friend any less after engaging in a 'friends with benefits situation'. If anything it might serve to strengthen the friendship and move in the right direction. (I can easily separate sex from emotional attachment)

 

If a male/female friendship cannot withstand enjoyable consentual sex, then how strong is that friendship to begin with anyway? What is it you risk losing exactly?

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We just have a great friendship and I wouldn't want to mess that up but I think that we both know what the risks of this whole situation are and hopefully it wouldn't hurt the friendship. Like you said, I'm hoping that it would actually strengthen the friendship and move it in the right direction.

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