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ex got into car accident..should i break NC


psu11
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hey kids, i just want to extend a big thank you to all of you who have been helping me get through my break up these past few weeks. this site has done more help than anything else.

 

my story is...i have been broken up with my ex for almost 2 months because i wasnt sure where it was going or what i wanted, and i havent seen or spoken to her for basically the entire time.

 

i heard she was in a car accident last night, she is fine...was able to walk away but her car was totaled, we never established "NC" but we naturally went into that mode...should i call or make some sort of contact??

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Since you never established NC or anything like that, I wouldnt think that it would be a bad idea to contact the ex. It is obvious that you still somewhat care about her. Who broke up with who? If it was you that broke up with her, just be careful that she may see your "contact" not just as "checking in to see if she is ok" but maybe as an opportunity for her to get back together with you.

 

If she broke up with you, make sure your intentions are pure and that you are not using the accident as an excuse to reestablish contact with her and maybe hoping to get back together.

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I think you should ABSOLUTELY break NC. Send her a nice card and even a little present if you want (NOT flowers, could be misconstrued). Express your concern, but don't leave it open for further contact. Something generic like, "Dear Susie, I'm sorry to hear about your wreck. Wishing you a speedy recovery! All best, psu11." Sending this via snail mail is key b/c it doesn't lend itself to reciprocation; it sort of sends the message that you are far away and don't want any response.

 

It's the decent thing to do, unless she's a horrible person. Having been through one myself, I can attest that wrecks are really traumatic!

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If you are calling because you sincerely want to show your caring nature, do it, but if you are calling because you want to be her hero, there for her when she is weak with the hope of getting back together, then DON'T. Be honest with yourself about your intentions. I had an ex pop right back into my life after I was raped, because he knew I was vulnerable, and I think he didn't really love me, he just came in at the right time to win me back, which he did, and I regret it to this day.

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thanks everyone your tips are really helpful. i broke up with her not because our relationship was bad, but because i didnt know what i wanted, and i didnt want to string her along in the process.

 

guys and girls alike...if an ex recently dumped you, my advice is DO NOT CALL HIM or beg! speaking from a dumpers point of view...even though i dumped her, the fact that she is giving me EXACTLY what i asked for (space), its making me wonder more and more what she is up to. even though i think i made the right decision, i can still see myself regreting this break up because when i look back, i think to myself "wow this girl was normal, she wasnt clingy or needy"

 

i think im going to wait til Sunday sometime to see how she is doing.

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  • 15 years later...

I wouldn't contact her.  Both of you went your separate ways and have different lives.  Part of breakup is to keep moving forward instead of backwards with constant care and concern. 

I broke up a dear friendship with my cousin, we were very close childhood friends and after the breakup, our lives no longer intertwined.  Any relationship was all in the past.  We shared some good memories and not so good memories along the way which led to the permanent breakup.  As much as I would like to care, I refrain from reaching out because what's done is done but that's just me.

If there's a part of you who wishes to text her with 'sorry to hear of your car accident and car but glad you're ok,' it's cordial to do so but know your boundaries with her.  You can remain polite without getting emotionally invested. 

 

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1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

I wouldn't contact her.  Both of you went your separate ways and have different lives.  Part of breakup is to keep moving forward instead of backwards with constant care and concern. 

I broke up a dear friendship with my cousin, we were very close childhood friends and after the breakup, our lives no longer intertwined.  Any relationship was all in the past.  We shared some good memories and not so good memories along the way which led to the permanent breakup.  As much as I would like to care, I refrain from reaching out because what's done is done but that's just me.

If there's a part of you who wishes to text her with 'sorry to hear of your car accident and car but glad you're ok,' it's cordial to do so but know your boundaries with her.  You can remain polite without getting emotionally invested. 

 

This is a 15 year old thread. Sorry you got roped into crafting a long and thoughtful response!

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