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Hi. My problem begins about 3 months ago. My wife and I decide to get back into the swinging scene after a 3 year break. No particular reason for the break other than moving state and not making any effort to make any new contacts until recently.

 

We joined a contact site and began reading profiles for another couple to play with. We got a response from a couple who I thought we would have no chance with. They live 4 hours away, but were heading up our way in couple of weeks. Lots of chatting on MSN and phone calls later and we all felt like we've known each other for years.

 

The second they walked in through our front door there was an instant attraction. Especially between me and Shauna. The wife of the other couple. We all got on like a house on fire. I couldn't believe it. In bounces this ex-figure model, very beautiful with the biggest blue eyes and short blonde hair and she practically jumps in my lap. They don't usually play on the first meeting, but this time they did and they preferred separate rooms. This was OK with me and my wife.

 

We spent the entire night with our new partners and it was awesome. This woman was fantastic. When we weren't having sex we talked and got totally into each other. She was new, exciting, adventurous and affectionate. I immediately felt something for this woman. She later admitted to feeling something to. I should've known then. They left the next morning and she was on my mind since then.

 

More chatting and phone calls ensued then we made arrangements to see them again. I had very little contact with her, but my wife was chatting to him on a nightly basis. However, she never left my mind.

 

A month ago we went down their for 4 days and 3 nights. The day we arrived we just slipped back into exchanging partners comfortably. It was like we were never apart. It was the same deal. separate rooms. We got there on a Thursday. Friday night we went out for a movie and dinner. While dining we get a phone call. The phone said it was my best friend of 21 years and I answered "G'day stranger." It was his mother. He passed away 2 hours ago and they've been trying to raise me ever since. Devastated. The interesting thing is we stayed with our new partners rather than my wife and I consoling each other.

 

She wished she could take the pain away for me. She did just that. This beautiful, intoxicating woman made me forget. I wasn't sure if I was falling for her, but I was feeling something. The last day we tried to get as much of each other as possible. Then she said "**** me......No! Make love to me." Then, regrettably, I asked her if she was falling in love with me. She said "yes. A little bit." It turns out her husband is lacking in the affections department. She was starving emotionally and here I was giving her banquet to feast on. And feast she did. That's when I admitted my feelings for her.

 

She then went on to describe quite a few incidents during our time there where she was burning with desire to touch me and kiss me but couldn't for fear of being seen by someone she knew. For instance, when she and I went to the shopping centre. However, when we went for a drive we sat in the back seat while her husband and my wife sat up front. We couldn't keep our hands off each other for the entire journey. She claims everytime we had sex she wanted to tell me she loved me. What am I suppose to think and feel?

 

Time came to leave and deal with my friends death and funeral. I was asked to deliver the eulogy on behalf off his friends and be a pall bearer. As he was 2 years younger than me I thought it would be prudent to visit the doctor. After blood tests I was diagnosed with diabeties. All this time I'm now chatting to her more than my wife was chatting to him.

 

She's becoming increasingly frustrated with her husbands lack of affection for her, yet quite happy to show other women when they see other couples or go to swingers parties. She put her foot down with him last Saturday when he foolishly opted to go see a woman an hour away and allowing his wife to go to a party without him. I spoke to her on the phone that day. She was very unhappy that she was his second choice. I could understand her mood. This is a very attractive, affectionate, passionate, responsive woman and he went to screw an over weight house wife instead. She said to me that she was going to put an end to the swinging. This hit me like a brick wall. Unexpectedly and through no fault of my own I just lost my lover.

 

The last week has been a real roller coaster ride emotionally. This is not the first time this has happened between them, but she's caved in everytime. This doesn't seem like one of those times. She wants his affection and now it seems she's getting it. I spoke to her on the phone today because she just had to put her much loved cat down yesterday and she was feeling blue. She tells me she still feels the same way, but she really wants to save her marriage. Swinging is still an option provided he proves to her that she is his #1 priority regardless of the situation. Something she wasn't feeling from him.

 

We've hardly spoken on MSN since last weekend. I feel like she's gotten what she wanted from me and now pushed me aside because her husband is now doing the right thing. However, she is dubious as to whether he can keep it up. His track record suggests no. He can't.

 

I'm aching for this girl. I have this enormous passion for her. If she rang me tomorrow and asked me to run away with her, I doubt I could resist. My wife also fell for the husband. The fact that this happened to both of us tells me there is an underlying problem with our marriage. I have no desire for my wife and I can only orgasm when I think of my former lover. I don't know if I love my wife anymore. I don't know if I want to save my marriage. I feel like I should leave my self open just in case she does become available.

 

I haven't a clue as to what to do. I need some good advice. You don't need to tell me I'm an idiot. I already know. Why couldn't I separate love and sex this time? In the 20 years we've been swinging this has never happened. Not even close. It's suppose to be about fun. And it was, but it's become much more than that. She's not letting me off the hook. But I'm feeling used and thrown away.

 

Sorry. I didn't realise I was typing a novel. There's so much more, but I'll leave it at that.

 

Thank you.

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I think you need to have a really good think about how your marriage really was before this other couple came along. A lot has happened in the last little while, and it's further complicated by the somewhat unusual lifestyle the four of you live with.

 

How do you know your wife has fallen for this other man? Did she tell you? Regardless, perhaps a very honest talk with your wife will help. Regardless of what you decide to do, you both need to know where you stand in your marriage.

 

It's tough, but try hard to separate the new feelings from the relationship you have with your wife. You need to examine your marriage and decide where it stands on it's own merits before you make decisions on anything else.

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Ash, thanks for your e-mail and your post mate. I appreciate it.

 

Yes, my wife did tell me after I told her my feelings for Shauna. It's been strange. It doesn't phase me one iota that she feels this way. I shrug my shoulders and continue thinking of the other woman. I probably still love my wife, but I don't think I'm in love with her anymore. My mind is so clouded and my heart aches.

 

It isn't getting much easier with a phone call yesterday with her and her asking me to ring her today. I just couldn't refuse. Telling me if this marriage doesn't work she'd be coming running to me. Do I really need to hear this? This just makes me want her more. Now I find myself hoping he goes back to his old ways and she does throw him out.

 

I've been in the middle of this since. I get on very well with her husband and he opens up to me about her as she does about him. I could manipulate this to my advantage, but that's not how I want her. I want her to come to me because she wants to and now that I know she would, my mind is all over the shop.

 

I want this woman in the worst possible way. She fills my sexual and emotional needs to the hilt.....and then some. Everyday it gets more confusing.

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Well some people would "moralise" about this and say swinging is wrong. In my view, you and your wife and the other couples entered into it freely. I would speculate that the physical side of a marriage isn't stimulating enough if you need to swing but I can't say we haven't thought about it and fantasised about it ourselves. The problem is, though, that you're exposing yourselves to the risk that either/both of you will fall for someone else and it looks like it's happened.

 

I also guess that you have a better sex life if you swing but is having a good ses life the only or most important thing in marriage/life?

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