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POLL: A really stupid question, but I need your input!


Kevin T
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Okay, I'm trying to figure something out in my life. Like, why am I still single?! I'm basically trying to understand why I haven't been having any success at all lately with women. So I need your advice/input. I need to know what you think is the (main) problem that is keeping me from getting anywhere with women.

 

So, which of the following best describes why you think I'm not getting anywhere with women (I know it sounds dumb, but just humor me and play along anyway; I appreciate the feedback I get, as it may well help me):

 

a) My looks (I don't really think I'm a bad looking guy, just too thin. Even now, I often get picked on for being so thin...)

 

b) My personality (Namely being somewhat shy and hesitant around women I like).

 

c) My actions (i.e. maybe I'm giving off a "negative/bad vibe" and women can pick up on it. Like maybe they can read my moods or something...)

 

d) My luck. (Maybe it's all just bad circumstances beyond my control; be it God, fate, chance, cosmos, karma, whatever...)

 

e) Some combination of the above.

 

f) All of the above.

 

g) Other (Please specify)

 

 

I know that depending on whom I ask, I'll get a different answer, so I wanted to (try to) get an objective group of opinions at least. Everyone who knows me personally will give me a (very) biased answer. That doesn't help me see things clearly. Your input and feedback does.

 

I'm just tired of banging my head against the wall by blaming all of these different things (sometimes more than one), and even striving to fix them, yet STILL getting nowhere. And don't worry about offending me. It's impossible, since I asked AND since I don't take offense to online criticism (I welcome it!) Besides, I believe I'm strong enough to take whatever anyone has to say to me.

 

Note: The first person that says "It's because you haven't met the right one yet" gets thrown in the river. That's about the only thing I could hear that WON'T help me fix this problem.

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Are you making an effort to meet girls?

Are you approaching girls?

 

or are you just sitting back hoping a girl will come up and talk to you?

 

There can be many reasons why the ladies arent responding to you. Could it be that you are a "nice guy"?? Nice guys generally don't attract women. Perhaps it could be your appearance. Are you properly groomed, dressed nice?

 

If you have problems... think you should google david deangelo....you probably know him already. He basically wrote a book and holds seminars about how to attract girls.

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Like bobo said, are you making an effort to meet people? Unless you're really bad looking, which I doubt, you should be able to find someone if you have a nice personality and have confidence.

 

I don't think anyone can answer your question either, no one here knows you well enough for that. Have you asked some RL friends, they may have a better idea?

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Maybe you haven't met the right one yet. Just kidding.

 

Is that you, or Ashton Kutcher in your picture? If it's you, don't worry. You're not a bad lookin dude, objectively speaking of course. Maybe cut your hair a little. Don't be so droopy. Pick your shoulders up a bit, and push your chest out. And get a new sweater. Not a V neck. I do like that game show host smile. It makes you look like you have secrets. Women like mysterious men.

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It's because you haven't met the right one yet.

 

lol.

 

I had to say that. I know you didn't want to hear it and I did not mean it, but consider it an introduction to the lesson I am about to give you.

 

You keep on wondering why your single and seem to always point a finger at your self. Why? There is nothing wrong with you as far as I can tell. And one thing I have picked up is that you seem to be tense all the time, espeically when it comes to girls. Dude take a chill pill. I bet you that you will increase the number of girls looking at you if you chill. I am in the same ship as you, but I am not as nearly as round up as you are. Granted being laid back and down to earth are part of my personality, but that doesn't mean that you can't at least be like that as well. And I know that I will for sure know 3 people that are in this group, the rest of the people I have no idea who they wiil be. Theater is not my thing, as I rather

 

Next, what have you done in looking for girls? Most single girls hide (why I have no freaking clue) and pretty much the only way to find them is thru paths that are less traveled. This means joinning a club or a non-profit group. People tend to be more open and feel more safe in thoses environments. You can also go to art shows as well as theaters to meet girls. The point is that there are more places to talk to girls than just clubs and bars.

 

Kevin hopefully what I posted help becuase doing the woe as me thing is not doing anthing good for you and is only making things worse for you. Maybe you should just stop trying to find girls to talk to and just have fun and not worring about girls. I have done it a couple of times and it has helped me.

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The woman that deserves you and that you deserve has not walked into your life and swept you off of your feet yet...that's all. Love happens regardless if you are looking or not, if your ready or not, if you want it or not. I know you probably weren't looking for a universal answer, but I think it's the right answer. I don't think anything you're doing matters that much. Love will find you when it is supposed to. Think about this: mean, ugly, terrible people fall in love and are fallen in love with everyday for no reason. So it is not based on how you measure up physically, morally, mentally or any of that. You just haven't found your match yet. I'm sorry, please don't throw me in the river.

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Are you making an effort to meet girls?

Are you approaching girls?

 

or are you just sitting back hoping a girl will come up and talk to you?

 

There can be many reasons why the ladies arent responding to you. Could it be that you are a "nice guy"?? Nice guys generally don't attract women. Perhaps it could be your appearance. Are you properly groomed, dressed nice?

 

If you have problems... think you should google david deangelo....you probably know him already. He basically wrote a book and holds seminars about how to attract girls.

 

 

David DeAngelo has some very interesting ideas. Some of what he says I don't necessarily agree with, but some of the things he does as far as self improvement, and things like that are pretty helpful. He's a reasonably intelligent man, and a lot of what he gets into goes far beyond picking up women. Worth checking out, and might enable you to get a handle on what it is you feel you're missing.

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you're still single because you're only 24. there is nothing wrong with you. have patience.

 

Not an answer. Next...

 

Okay, so how old DO you propose I be before meeting someone else great?

 

I think it's about time, personally...

 

Are you making an effort to meet girls?

Are you approaching girls?

 

or are you just sitting back hoping a girl will come up and talk to you?

 

There can be many reasons why the ladies arent responding to you. Could it be that you are a "nice guy"?? Nice guys generally don't attract women. Perhaps it could be your appearance. Are you properly groomed, dressed nice?

 

If you have problems... think you should google david deangelo....you probably know him already. He basically wrote a book and holds seminars about how to attract girls.

 

Yes, I do make an effort to actually meet girls. But I am limited in my places to look. And I refuse to join a dating service. I haven't sunk that low yet... nor do I plan to.

 

I've been getting a lot better at approaching women. I used to be terribly shy but have since then become much better at chatting it up with women without feeling nervous. I found that 'practice' is the key.

 

But I will admit that it WOULD be nice if a cute girl would just come over and talk to me. (But I know that will never happen because most women are still living in the days when "The guy must make the first move and talk to me, lest I be judged as 'easy' or worse..." And that's fine.

 

I'm actually pretty much a smart-alek (sorry, couldn't use the REAL word here), I'm pretty smarmy and sarcastic, especially with women. So I don't think it's 'cuz I'm too "nice." I tend to dress quite well (I often get the feeling that even if I wore a $5000 Armani suit, I'd get no attention from women, however...) I always shave everyday before I leave the house, make sure I smell nice, shower and do my hair. So I know it's not THAT. Maybe I'm just too thin...? Otherwise, I don't know what it could be PHYSICALLY(?).

 

BTW, I know who he is. I've read some of his stuff. I don't fully agree with everything he says, but he does have some good advice. However, I can't MAKE women like me, nor can I change the fact that I am having a really hard time finding any suitable women at work (and school, least last year anyway - they are all involved, unfortunately).

 

Also...when you do meet a girl...dont immediate place her in gf status. Be friends first...flirt and have fun. don't worry about getting a gf. For now...just worry about making female friends.

 

I know that.

 

That is way too much pressure for someone I just met. (I'm not desparate, just incredibly ANNOYED that I am getting nowhere! It exasperates me to no end!)

 

I have no intent of becoming a "friend" of a girl I am interested in, but I agree about being light-hearted and carefree with someone I just met. Take it slow and see what develops. I am under the firm belief, however, that men and women do NOT make good friends. Someone (probably me lol) will always end up getting their feelings trounced on.

 

Like bobo said, are you making an effort to meet people? Unless you're really bad looking, which I doubt, you should be able to find someone if you have a nice personality and have confidence.

 

I don't think anyone can answer your question either, no one here knows you well enough for that. Have you asked some RL friends, they may have a better idea?

 

I have been making en effort, as I already said. Just doesn't seem to work well, especially since (sound like a broken record) almost all the women I have been meeting lately are already involved. Doesn't help me much.

 

And yeah, you'd think that I'd be able to find someone great... but nope. Hence my asking why on the internet to a bunch of perfect strangers. I truly don't get it and am definitely ready to just say "To hell with it" and give up completely. (Yeah, I've got NO patience for this...)

 

And I have asked many people I know in real life; they are no help whatsoever. Most of them are as baffled as I am, if not, moreso. They seldom provide me with ANY direction whatsoever, and when they do, it's usually along the lines of "Oh just trust God; He'll bring you someone." Well, He sure as heck hasn't yet! Not even any potential prospects on the horizon, talk about a blow to my 'faith'.

 

I get that or... "Just have patience. You haven't met her yet. I just know you'll meet her really soon." Meanwhile they enjoy their relationships and offer no further advice on what the hell I am doing wrong. So, I asked here out of sheer frustration and as a last resort.

 

 

Maybe you haven't met the right one yet. Just kidding.

 

Is that you, or Ashton Kutcher in your picture? If it's you, don't worry. You're not a bad lookin dude, objectively speaking of course. Maybe cut your hair a little. Don't be so droopy. Pick your shoulders up a bit, and push your chest out. And get a new sweater. Not a V neck. I do like that game show host smile. It makes you look like you have secrets. Women like mysterious men.

 

 

Ashton Kutcher? lol Cute. I know I'm definitely at least as skinny as the guy (probably more so).

 

I will make sure I remember that about the V-neck. lol

 

I seldomly smile (if I'm in a bad mood, so maybe I'm guilty of looking really grumpy and that's why I get nowhere. I don't know.

 

It's because you haven't met the right one yet.

 

lol.

 

I had to say that. I know you didn't want to hear it and I did not mean it, but consider it an introduction to the lesson I am about to give you.

 

You keep on wondering why your single and seem to always point a finger at your self. Why? There is nothing wrong with you as far as I can tell. And one thing I have picked up is that you seem to be tense all the time, espeically when it comes to girls. Dude take a chill pill. I bet you that you will increase the number of girls looking at you if you chill. I am in the same ship as you, but I am not as nearly as round up as you are. Granted being laid back and down to earth are part of my personality, but that doesn't mean that you can't at least be like that as well. And I know that I will for sure know 3 people that are in this group, the rest of the people I have no idea who they wiil be. Theater is not my thing, as I rather

 

Next, what have you done in looking for girls? Most single girls hide (why I have no freaking clue) and pretty much the only way to find them is thru paths that are less traveled. This means joinning a club or a non-profit group. People tend to be more open and feel more safe in thoses environments. You can also go to art shows as well as theaters to meet girls. The point is that there are more places to talk to girls than just clubs and bars.

 

Kevin hopefully what I posted help becuase doing the woe as me thing is not doing anthing good for you and is only making things worse for you. Maybe you should just stop trying to find girls to talk to and just have fun and not worring about girls. I have done it a couple of times and it has helped me.

 

 

I'm actually pretty laid back in real life. I used to get all nervous around girls, until I realized that I'm (at least) as good as them and they are no better than I am. They make mistakes and are as imperfect as anyone else, including myself. So elevating them to such a status is an incredibly stupid thing for me to do. So I stopped that, post haste.

 

I probably appear pretty tightly wound on here because I usually end up posting when I'm in a bad mood about this or something. When I can take my mind off my problems, I can relax and unwind quite well, actually.

 

I don't really have the luxury of time to join a club or group just to meet girls. I joined a church a few years back... and since that yielded no results, I have basically stopped going. (Kept my faith though, so don't look at me like THAT. lol) I just don't have as much time as I wish to do that, so it's not an option. I don't go to clubs or bars, so why people automatically assume I do, is beyond me. I generally look at school, work and church. That's it because I have little time to look elsewhere. Sure I look when I go the mall and whatnot, but I haven't got to the level yet where I can randomly approach hot girls in a place like that. (I'm working on it, so give me some credit!)

 

I don't like feeling sorry for myself; I want to fix the situation. But unless I know exactly what it is that I'm doing wrong, I can't do anything about it. And if it's NOT me (my looks, personality, actions or whatever), then what IS it? I doubt if it's simply fate playing the waiting game with me. I don't believe that.

 

I believe life is basically within our own hands, except for the few times when something happens totally beyond our control. (e.g. Like only meeting girls who are engaged/involved already wherever I go.) THAT, sadly, I cannot control... yet (lol I kid, I kid).

 

The woman that deserves you and that you deserve has not walked into your life and swept you off of your feet yet...that's all. Love happens regardless if you are looking or not, if your ready or not, if you want it or not. I know you probably weren't looking for a universal answer, but I think it's the right answer. I don't think anything you're doing matters that much. Love will find you when it is supposed to. Think about this: mean, ugly, terrible people fall in love and are fallen in love with everyday for no reason. So it is not based on how you measure up physically, morally, mentally or any of that. You just haven't found your match yet. I'm sorry, please don't throw me in the river.

 

Ahh, spoken like a real romantic! You almost sound like me...

 

But I also cannot accept that. It's too... random.

 

Tell me, has this worked for YOU? Have you found your prince... or are you STILL standing around waiting?

 

I know that even ugly, terrible people find someone (which only further serves to anger me), so I get aggravated that I have still alone. It's quite vexing, I find.

 

Tell me, just when exactly is love supposed to "find"me? I've been sitting here waiting for a LOOOONNNG time now and have been getting pretty fed up.

 

I will admit, I do expect quite a bit, but I also think I deserve quite a lot. I don't demand perfection, but I expect the best.

 

I suppose I have no choice other than to sit and wait, but it hasn't done much good for my love life thus far.

 

Or maybe... I'm "supposed to" be alone for good. That is also another answer, is it not? However, I utterly refuse to accept that. Mainly because I have no proof that is the case. If I go to my grave, a toothless old fart with 75 cats and 53 dogs in my house, THEN I can safely say I was "meant to be" alone for life.

 

 

And I'll hold off on throwing you in the riv... Ah what the hell...! *SPLASH*

 

David DeAngelo has some very interesting ideas. Some of what he says I don't necessarily agree with, but some of the things he does as far as self improvement, and things like that are pretty helpful. He's a reasonably intelligent man, and a lot of what he gets into goes far beyond picking up women. Worth checking out, and might enable you to get a handle on what it is you feel you're missing.

 

I agree and have already done so, my good man.

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That's not a stupid question, I have the same one. haha.

 

But anyway, I think you should post a picture of yourself so that we can determine if it's your looks that's the problem or not. But it probably isn't.

 

The only thing that pops out at me is that you're giving off a vibe of feeling "desperate," like, "why oh why am I single?! ahhh!" ... but seriously, I don't know how you can fix that, because I'm pretty sure I give off that same vibe. OHH WELL!

 

But you should post a pic because it would be fun to see what you look like.

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That's not a stupid question, I have the same one. haha.

 

But anyway, I think you should post a picture of yourself so that we can determine if it's your looks that's the problem or not. But it probably isn't.

 

The only thing that pops out at me is that you're giving off a vibe of feeling "desperate," like, "why oh why am I single?! ahhh!" ... but seriously, I don't know how you can fix that, because I'm pretty sure I give off that same vibe. OHH WELL!

 

But you should post a pic because it would be fun to see what you look like.

 

Nah, I don't give out a "desparate vibe", I'm more inclined to believe I give out a "I hate my life and the world" kinda vibe. (I don't really, but when I'm in a bad mood - which tends to be quite frequent as of late - look the [bleep] out.) lol

 

I highly doubt it's my looks because I've seen far less attractive guys with really hot girls. So it ain't that. It's... something else.

 

I have an idea as to what it is, too...

 

Check your PM.

 

Be completely honest though: What's your body language/eye contact like when you are with girls?

 

@ Kevin, BTW.

 

Depends on my mood. If I'm in a good mood, I'm pretty laid back in demeanor. I have an open, approachable body language and frequently make eye contact.

 

When I'm in a not-so-good mood, well, it tends to be a little more closed. Okay, maybe A LOT more closed. If I get into a bad mood, I can appear pretty mean and stand-offish, I suppose.

 

I'm sure that has something to do with it, although there may be more than just that, I think...

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I'm actually pretty laid back in real life. I used to get all nervous around girls, until I realized that I'm (at least) as good as them and they are no better than I am. They make mistakes and are as imperfect as anyone else, including myself. So elevating them to such a status is an incredibly stupid thing for me to do. So I stopped that, post haste.
You did a good thing here. I also do the same thing as well, but also take it further. If I run into a girl that thinks that she is above me for what ever reason, I avoid her completely. I think that girls should be treated with respect and be as much on a even plane as us guys as much possible.

 

I probably appear pretty tightly wound on here because I usually end up posting when I'm in a bad mood about this or something. When I can take my mind off my problems, I can relax and unwind quite well, actually.
Ah I see.

 

I don't really have the luxury of time to join a club or group just to meet girls. I joined a church a few years back... and since that yielded no results, I have basically stopped going. (Kept my faith though, so don't look at me like THAT. lol) I just don't have as much time as I wish to do that, so it's not an option. I don't go to clubs or bars, so why people automatically assume I do, is beyond me. I generally look at school, work and church. That's it because I have little time to look elsewhere. Sure I look when I go the mall and whatnot, but I haven't got to the level yet where I can randomly approach hot girls in a place like that. (I'm working on it, so give me some credit!)
Question if you do not have the time to go to join a club do you have the time for a girl friend? You may want one, but is it a realistic thing right now in your life to have one? And when did I assume that you go to bars and night clubs? I never assume this, becuase I don't go to them. Yes it does make things semi harder, but I don't really drink and I don't want to date a girl that drinks a lot, nor a girl that comes from the bar sceen. Plus I rather have more intellegent coversations than drunk ones.

 

And if you want an example of what can happen when you don't go to clubs or bars I have one that happen tonight actually. I went to a very small theather tonight with my mom and some of her friends. Anyway I notice that there where two girls that look that they may be close or withing my age range, so I check them out and did my normal recon work. The two girls where at the bar (yes this theater has a bar in one of the two theaters it has), and one was looking at me and smiling, and I return her eye contact. I wait a couple of mintues (its best not to be jumpy and rush into things), and went up to the bar to buy a coke. The girl that was looking at me turned her head and talk to her friend when I was at the bar, never letting me to talk to her. I even walked right next to them to get my coke.

 

Both girls turned out to be a bit young for me (17 to 18 years old at most), so I never attempted to make another run for them, and they never did flirted again. But this is what happened when you go out, and I bet if I go back to this place on friday night when they have stand up, there will be girls my age there who are most likely local.

I don't like feeling sorry for myself; I want to fix the situation. But unless I know exactly what it is that I'm doing wrong, I can't do anything about it. And if it's NOT me (my looks, personality, actions or whatever), then what IS it? I doubt if it's simply fate playing the waiting game with me. I don't believe that.
The answer you seek here is one to many to really list and talk about. Becuase it could be the environments your in and how you fit into them. It would be better if you post what you when you talk to girls and how they respone to you to get a better sense of what you need to work on.

 

I believe life is basically within our own hands, except for the few times when something happens totally beyond our control. (e.g. Like only meeting girls who are engaged/involved already wherever I go.) THAT, sadly, I cannot control... yet (lol I kid, I kid).
I am younger than you, but I think life is part what you make of it and what it wants to dish out to you. But it is also what you do effects the out come of your life as well.
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They seldom provide me with ANY direction whatsoever, and when they do, it's usually along the lines of "Oh just trust God; He'll bring you someone." Well, He sure as heck hasn't yet! Not even any potential prospects on the horizon, talk about a blow to my 'faith'.

 

I get that or... "Just have patience. You haven't met her yet. I just know you'll meet her really soon." Meanwhile they enjoy their relationships and offer no further advice on what the hell I am doing wrong. So, I asked here out of sheer frustration and as a last resort.

 

I know exactly what you mean, hearing "you haven't found the right girl yet" really doesn't help - it's not about waiting until someone perfect falls into your lap -__-. Keep socialising, trying to befriend girls. If they lose interest in what you're talking about, try to come up with some really interesting things to talk abotu before hand. If they don't seem to like your attitude, post more in depth about that or think yourself about what of your attitude they might not like.. Just keep trying to see why you're not succeeding, then fix it, and just keep trying on different girls.

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Hmm, I think I'm plenty interesting. I almost always have something interesting to say or to talk about, so it's rare that I'm at a loss for words. In fact, I tend to talk too much at times, so I should probably watch myself in that area a bit.

 

It's not that I don't socialize, but rather that (over the past couple months or so - ever since school finished for the summer), I've been meeting basically nothing but attached (usually engaged) women. This doesn't help me. Sure, I COULD be like some guys I know and flirt with them anyway, but what's the point? I'm not interested in playing games with someone who is engaged, nor do I wish to somehow lure them away from the boyfriends/fiances. That's pretty low, IMO.

 

You're definitely right though. Sitting around and waiting for "Miss Right" to fall into my lap is not going to help. Been there, done that. It's got me nowhere thus far and I doubt if it ever will. It's time for action. (It's just hard to do anything when all the attractive women I meet seem to already have someone.)

 

And yes, I would have time for someone great. I would MAKE time. However, when dating first starts out, it'sonly casual and not something I need to devote a lot of time to anyway. We would go out, of course, but I think spending too much time together initially is a relationship-killer.

 

I don't know, though; I get girls looking at me, and it means nothing. I often get looks from the engaged chicks I work with. Obviously that means absolutely nothing, so just because you're getting a lot of glances from women means absolutely nothing. Heck, I find I will glance at unattractive women too, but that doesn't mean I like them. (It's actually the total opposite; I just like looking at people.)

 

I suppose part of the problem is, aside from the girls all been taken already, is that since school is out and I have been slacking in going anywhere exciting (haven't really been going to church either), I have really only been looking for someone where I work. Which is fine, I suppose, except for the fact that most of the women I meet are already past the "let's find a good boyfriend" stage and are now at points in their lives where they've already finished school and want to settle down with their current guy.

 

I guess I could just sit back and wait for school, which is coming up, but I'm getting really impatient and hate waiting. I look at it this way: Why should I have to wait yet another month before I go on a date? Seems kinda stupid, to me. Plus, if I had no luck last year at school, why should this year be any different?

 

I guess some of you may be wondering why it may bother me SO much that I'm single and don't have a relationship right now. Part of it, is that I feel so... not sure what the is... unworthy or unacceptable about the fact that I am alone. I feel dejected, kind of like, no one would WANT to be with me. Not a very pleasant feeling. I feel like this is something that I am SUPPOSED TO have, yet I don't. I think I feel like I've failed at life. After all, Freud even said that the most healthy thing for a person to dio is to LOVE and to WORK. Meaning, find a great romance with someone and find meaningful work to contribute back to society. It just starts to affect my self-esteem, which is not good, as having low self-esteem is not going to help me meet anyone.

 

Sure, I know I'm a great guy, but sometimes in the face of overwhelmingly opposite circumstances, even I waver at times. (Quite frequently now.)

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Hmm, I think I'm plenty interesting. I almost always have something interesting to say or to talk about, so it's rare that I'm at a loss for words. In fact, I tend to talk too much at times, so I should probably watch myself in that area a bit.
It usually better to listen than to speak. It shows that your interested in what the person has to say.

 

It's not that I don't socialize, but rather that (over the past couple months or so - ever since school finished for the summer), I've been meeting basically nothing but attached (usually engaged) women. This doesn't help me. Sure, I COULD be like some guys I know and flirt with them anyway, but what's the point? I'm not interested in playing games with someone who is engaged, nor do I wish to somehow lure them away from the boyfriends/fiances. That's pretty low, IMO.
You can also view it as opportunity to pratice and improve your skills with females. I hate it when married girls check me out and what have you, but I sometimes use them for practice. I don't lure them away from their partners and if they start to show that they want me to ask for their number I back off and walk away. Heck I even had a girl that I was talking to in college one time and during one of the classes I threw her off her game that she thought she had, by asking her where she was becuase she was gone the last class meeating and she said that she saw her boyfriend. The next class meating she did not sit next to me nor flirted nor treid to even talk to me again after that. Once I found out I never attempted to talk to her again.

 

You're definitely right though. Sitting around and waiting for "Miss Right" to fall into my lap is not going to help. Been there, done that. It's got me nowhere thus far and I doubt if it ever will. It's time for action. (It's just hard to do anything when all the attractive women I meet seem to already have someone.)
Sitting and waiting never got anything done. Maybe you should become friends with the females you meet that have boyfriends, instead of just walking away from them. I am sure that once you get to know the girl better as a friend and she gets to know you better she be more willing to help you out in getting a girl friends (girls tend to love to do these things). Why limit your options when they are right in front of you. Also just so you know there are more females than males in the world.

 

And yes, I would have time for someone great. I would MAKE time. However, when dating first starts out, it'sonly casual and not something I need to devote a lot of time to anyway. We would go out, of course, but I think spending too much time together initially is a relationship-killer.
I am not saying you should spend loads of time with a girl, and I agree that if you spend to much time it can kill the relationship. But I am just saying is there time from working and going to school for dating and what have you.

 

I don't know, though; I get girls looking at me, and it means nothing. I often get looks from the engaged chicks I work with. Obviously that means absolutely nothing, so just because you're getting a lot of glances from women means absolutely nothing. Heck, I find I will glance at unattractive women too, but that doesn't mean I like them. (It's actually the total opposite; I just like looking at people.)
Are you sure that the girls looking at you mean niothing by them looking at you? Maybe your missreading the look.

 

I suppose part of the problem is, aside from the girls all been taken already, is that since school is out and I have been slacking in going anywhere exciting (haven't really been going to church either), I have really only been looking for someone where I work. Which is fine, I suppose, except for the fact that most of the women I meet are already past the "let's find a good boyfriend" stage and are now at points in their lives where they've already finished school and want to settle down with their current guy.
That is one of the problems you have deal with as you get older. There is no way really around it.

 

I guess I could just sit back and wait for school, which is coming up, but I'm getting really impatient and hate waiting. I look at it this way: Why should I have to wait yet another month before I go on a date? Seems kinda stupid, to me. Plus, if I had no luck last year at school, why should this year be any different?
And you have already lost the battle before you even got to the battle field. I think we found another problem that you need to work on which is your attitude. Having a negative one is never a good thing to have.

 

I guess some of you may be wondering why it may bother me SO much that I'm single and don't have a relationship right now. Part of it, is that I feel so... not sure what the is... unworthy or unacceptable about the fact that I am alone. I feel dejected, kind of like, no one would WANT to be with me. Not a very pleasant feeling. I feel like this is something that I am SUPPOSED TO have, yet I don't. I think I feel like I've failed at life. After all, Freud even said that the most healthy thing for a person to dio is to LOVE and to WORK. Meaning, find a great romance with someone and find meaningful work to contribute back to society. It just starts to affect my self-esteem, which is not good, as having low self-esteem is not going to help me meet anyone.
Like I said before maybe you should take a brake from trying to find a girl to date, and just have fun. Having emotional stress build up is never a good thing. I think you need to fix your self first before you go after girls again, becuase it seems that your "broken" and your not at your full potential, which is hurting you than helping you.

 

Sure, I know I'm a great guy, but sometimes in the face of overwhelmingly opposite circumstances, even I waver at times. (Quite frequently now.)
People either rise and over come such things or fall and lose to such things. You need to decide what you are going to do. Let the suitation win or you take control and beat the suitation at hand.
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"Ahh, spoken like a real romantic! You almost sound like me...

 

But I also cannot accept that. It's too... random.

 

Tell me, has this worked for YOU? Have you found your prince... or are you STILL standing around waiting?

 

I know that even ugly, terrible people find someone (which only further serves to anger me), so I get aggravated that I have still alone. It's quite vexing, I find.

 

Tell me, just when exactly is love supposed to "find"me? I've been sitting here waiting for a LOOOONNNG time now and have been getting pretty fed up.

 

I will admit, I do expect quite a bit, but I also think I deserve quite a lot. I don't demand perfection, but I expect the best.

 

I suppose I have no choice other than to sit and wait, but it hasn't done much good for my love life thus far.

 

Or maybe... I'm "supposed to" be alone for good. That is also another answer, is it not? However, I utterly refuse to accept that. Mainly because I have no proof that is the case. If I go to my grave, a toothless old fart with 75 cats and 53 dogs in my house, THEN I can safely say I was "meant to be" alone for life. "

 

 

This did actually work for me... But it wasn't a fairy tale. The man of my dreams didn't just fall out of the sky into my lap and we live happily ever after. We are in a very difficult, hard, LDR. We have alot of issues that we have to deal with and sometimes it sucks. But..it's worth it, you know? Maybe you should be more open to different possibilities. I never thought I could be in this difficult of a relationship, but I was open to love, regardless of everything else and i found someone who really loves and respects me, somebody who is the total opposite of what I thought I wanted or needed, but I would walk through a fire to be with him now.

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You have a point, with your first statement. I'll see what comes up.

 

I'll just sleep less if I get a woman. lol I can get by with 4 or 5 hours of sleep if I have to. lol

 

I don't think you can judge interest simply based on looks. Otherwise, all the engaged women have a thing for me. lol (Hah! Unlikely!)

 

Yeah, I know, negativity is bad, mmm-kay?

 

I'm not broken, just hurting. I don't think people need to be PERFECT before meeting anyone, otherwise no humans should EVER get together, since no one is even close to perfect. Everyone has issues they bring with them. It's important to overcome them, or at least work on them, though. I'm doing what I can with what I have, but it's going to take some work first.

 

I know I'll never truly be happy without someone to share my life with. That will never change, regardless of how I think.

 

I have every intention of succeeding. It's just been a lose-lose situation lately, since I've been meeting no available, attractive girls.

 

 

 

Aww... that's sweet. I'm happy for you.

 

I once had a LDR, but it didn't work out so well. I pray that yours works out better, though. (Believe me, I know how difficult LDRs are.)

 

I will take your words to heart as an encouragement.

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There all kinds of looks out there. The trick is to know which means the girl is interested. Long stares, seeing eyes and sometimes head going up and down, or doing a bunch of glanced tends can mean that the girl is interested.

 

Do not sleep less if you get a woman. It is not good to damage your body. Yes you do damage your body by not getting a full night of sleep.

 

When I said you where "broken" I more ment it in a way that right now your not on top of your game. I know no one is perfect and everyone has problems.

 

Question I thought Canada had loads of hot girls. How come you can't find them?

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Kevin, perhaps work on changing your often sarcastic responses to women into a teasing retort. Make it a joke, make it more fun. If you seldom smile you aren't making yourself as approachable or appearing as friendly and fun as you might want to be. Having your perpetual frown and a sarcastic attitude might turn off a lot of people. Work on smiling more when you talk to people, laugh more, and instead of making sarcastic responses, make them more fun, flirty, and teasing.

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Kevin

 

I've read lots of you posts here and applaud your recent changes in outlook. I think you're a genuine guy that's going to find what he wants.

The only vibe I've noticed is a negativity. I won't rehash why, but you have a trace of bitterness.

 

So do I.

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