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Bf is 19 w/ controlling parents*******


Sally00
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My boyfriend is 19... almost 20.

I'm 20.

He lives with his parents.

His stepmom is quite controlling.

His dad couldn't care less what his son does.

He just goes along with what the stepmom says.

 

His stepmom calls him, asks what he's doing, what time he'll be home, etc etc etc. It's annoying as hell. She's supposedly hell at work (the boyfriend works with her and the rest of the family), makes him clean his room, do laundry, etc. His sister's boyfriend says she has him by a leash.

 

My boyfriend is so sick of it, he's trying to move out.

Trying to find a better job with better pay.

He's also paying for his own college and everything.

 

It pisses me off the way some parents are.

The way they make him act like an adult to where he has to pay for everything... and yet, they don't TREAT him like one.

 

My parents are nothing like his. They're easy-going, understanding, and I can talk to them about anything. They're like my friends and I love it.

And everytime I hear about crap from his parents, it makes me VERY THANKFUL for mine.

 

I'm just wondering.

Is there anybody else who has controlling parent(s)... I'm talking about your boyfriend/girlfriend who is an ADULT with controlling parents.

 

I'm so frustrated with this.

And I can't even imagine how frustrated HE is...

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I am.. my mom's soooooo controlling, I want to move out also, and I'm in my 20s also.. do you have another question or did you just want to know if we existed

Well, I guess I just needed to vent or something.

Or see if anybody else thinks it's weird that this is happening.

I don't know lol.

 

Thanks for the input!!

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My son is now 20 years old. He lived with me until he was 17 when he graduated high school. He then left for military training for 6 months. When he returned he was then 18 years old.

 

He lived with me for several months after he initially completed his military basic training. He paid for all of his own expenses. Rent, utilities, food. He did his own cleaning,, laundry , etc, without my having to ask or prod him.

 

The only think I expected of him was that he be considerate enough to let me know if he planned to come home at night or had other plans. Otherwise as long as he behaved as an adult at age 18, I let him live his life as he pleased. But I let him know I was there for him no matter what. I knew he had to learn and take responsibility for his own actions. I did not try to control where he went or whom he spent his time with, or when he would be back home.

 

The point is with my son,,,,, I treated him as an adult, he acted as an adult and all was well. I think when you treat them as the young adult that they are, the more they become and act like the adult that they should be.

 

He never asked me for a thing and became a responsible adult and realized he would be the one to deal with the consequences if he screwed up while hanging out with friends or whatever.

 

It was not long after that he was on military deployment and was gone for a year. He has basically taken care of his entire responsibilities since age 17 when he graduated high school. He was forced to grow up fast and take on a lot after his fathers/ my husbands death when he had barely turned 17.

 

He now has his own apartment upon returning from deployment and purchased a new vehicle . Has a full time job and two part time jobs just since he returned a few weeks ago.

 

I guess the point with all my ramblings is,,,,,,, that I agree there can be a point where you are TOO controlling over a person of that age. But they must be completely responsible for their own life , at which point the constant control needs to not exist. IF they are dependent on the parents for any part of their life, then there should be a level of control within reason.

 

I hope some of that made sense. Tonight is one of those nights where my thoughts seem to be all over the place, so I hope I made some sense of what I was trying to say.

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At 20 years old he should be responsible for his own life. If he still has to be made to do laundry and clean his room then he's probably bringing it on himself.

He IS responsible and I'm very impressed that he's able to handle all of the things that he does.

 

He's not bringing this on himself........

 

 

And coollady1957, I appreciate the input! Seems like you're a great parent. I bet you are very proud of your son.

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My ex had a VERY controlling mother. She treated my ex like a little kid and would constantly get on his case about stuff. She would yell at him, reprimand him, etc. One time she even got mad at me for not "keeping him in line". We had gone to their family farm for a family reunion. We drove separately from the parents (my ex doesnt drive) and met up with them at the farm. My ex insisted on bringing something that I knew his mother would not approve of (a crossbow). When we got to the farm and went in the kitchen, his mother was there among the relatives and she yelled at him for bringing the crossbow. Then she turned and yelled at me for letting him bring the thing because "he doesnt know better and I should have known better and NOT let him bring it".

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My parents used to be REALLY controlling when I was living with them. If I try leave the house past 9 PM my mom would start asking me all these questions and god forbid I stay out later than midnight! I used to get yelled at for not doing the chores around the house too. But it's all good . . . I think a lot of the parents are the same way. My mom has gotten a lot better after I graduated from college. 20 is technically still not considered as an "adult", I think his stepmom is just looking out for him. If he's getting sick of it, then I'd suggest him move out.

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I try NOT to be too controlling of my daughter (nearly 16) but I feel I need to be there to guide her and help her when necessary. Fortunately, I'd say we're very close and have an excellent father/daughter relationship but, yes, we do have disagreements.

 

Remember, though, that there's no magic formulae to bringing up kids and they aren't born with a book of instructions!

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