shelbymustang_fan Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 Hello again everybody! Here is another post with dating questions. Some background....(We met online, then in person at an ice cream shop, next date was at a driving range hitting golf balls, Next was a public gardens and a movie, The 4th was a movie and dinner.) Tomorrow I will be attending a local festival with her and her family. I got a small kiss on the third date, and a quick open lip kiss on the forth...this is the extent of our physical contact. No hand-holding or putting my arms around her at the movie...etc. Now, obviously I know she's interested in me or I wouldn't have gotten two kisses...And I guess since both of us are pretty shy, someone needs to iniate things. This is where my question comes in...Since we both share reserved personalities, would it be better to just grab her hand, and put my arm around her, and just go for it, or should we discuss our feelings verbally first to see that we're on the same page??? Also, our convo's have yet to enter the waters of discussing dating, relationships, and even what our feelings are in regards to one another....I have no idea if she's interested in just being friends, or dating for fun, or dating to find someone long-term.... We've basically just stuck with the basics of school, work, family, hobbies, vacations...etc. Personally, I think by the fifth date, I'd like to start talking about this stuff, but again, I am a very private person in regards to releasing my feelings to anybody, and I have trouble starting a conversation like that where I can open up to people. (It is like this: I want to talk about this stuff, but I have a very hard time getting to the point of actually talking about it....If that makes any sense.??) I would really really really appreciate anybody's thoughts, and suggestions. One last thing....I'd like to bring her some roses soon. Should I do it tomorrow when we are meeting in front of the whole family, or wait till its just us two the next time? Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theproman23 Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 Ok first of all the roses, bring her the roses the next time you are alone with her. Don't make the first time you give her roses in front of her parents. You dunno if she just wants you to meet her parents as one of her friends for now so just hold of on them, and surprise her with them the next date you're alone with her. As for the holding her hand and putting your arm around her, if you're confident that she won't hesitate or that you're comfortable with it do it. It will show her that you are assertive and condifent. Talking about stuff like that is ok but do it first and is she's uncomfortable with it she'll let you know and if she does like it then she'll know you're confident enough and that's very attractive. The seriousness is something you will have to determine when to bring up. In order to talk about past relationships make suttle and vague references to ex's nothing really good about ur ex ofcourse, but just kind of bring it up in conversation. If she feels comfortable about it she'll do the same once you bring it up and start revealing herself a bit. You can also start talking to her about education and her goals in life while mentioning yours and kind of gauge from that how she feels about relationships. If she does want a serious relationship the key is to see weather she wants to know what you're plans are first because she might make her plans sound similar to yours to give u an indication weather this could last, I am not saying she will lie about what she wants but she would may be say what she wants and end it with something you're looking for as well. Hope this helps. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dating Coach Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 Hello again everybody! Here is another post with dating questions. Some background....(We met online, then in person at an ice cream shop, next date was at a driving range hitting golf balls, Next was a public gardens and a movie, The 4th was a movie and dinner.) Tomorrow I will be attending a local festival with her and her family. Sounds good so far. I got a small kiss on the third date, and a quick open lip kiss on the forth...this is the extent of our physical contact. No hand-holding or putting my arms around her at the movie...etc. Now, obviously I know she's interested in me or I wouldn't have gotten two kisses... Yes you have her interest, the question is, how much? And I guess since both of us are pretty shy, someone needs to iniate things. This is where my question comes in...Since we both share reserved personalities, would it be better to just grab her hand, and put my arm around her, and just go for it, or should we discuss our feelings verbally first to see that we're on the same page??? DO NOT "discus" anything. Discussing is BORING and it adds far too much pressure and drama to the situation. Do not talk about it at all, just do it. When you have an alone time, grab her and kiss her, a real kiss. Also, our convo's have yet to enter the waters of discussing dating, relationships, and even what our feelings are in regards to one another.... EXCELLENT! Keep it this way! You should not be "talking" about these things yet. Do all of your talking with actions. If you are taking her out, going on dates, and kissing, she knows you like her. You do not need to take away from the moment by "talking". Keep on "doing". I have no idea if she's interested in just being friends, or dating for fun, or dating to find someone long-term.... You are only 4-5 dates in. Clearly she's not interested in being "just friends" unless she drops the friend bomb on you, and the more you "talk" about your relationship the more likely that is going to happen. Right now you two are dating for fun. That's the current situation, it's fun, so don't make a move to change this at all. Keep on doing what you're doing. You guys are having fun and that's how it should be-just make sure you nudge the relationship along through ACTIONS by taking her out and kissing, flirting, teasing, etc. If it leads to intercourse, don't fight it. Go along with it. (Unless you absolutely do not want sex) The dating long term thing will come along naturally if you keep guiding the relationship with actions. We've basically just stuck with the basics of school, work, family, hobbies, vacations...etc. Personally, I think by the fifth date, I'd like to start talking about this stuff, but again, I am a very private person in regards to releasing my feelings to anybody, and I have trouble starting a conversation like that where I can open up to people. (It is like this: I want to talk about this stuff, but I have a very hard time getting to the point of actually talking about it....If that makes any sense.??) I would really really really appreciate anybody's thoughts, and suggestions. Fight your urge, it's insecurity talking. You should have to "talk" to reaffirm your feelings and find out where you stand. Where you are currently "standing" seems to be very fun and things seem to be moving along nicely. There is no need to stop and make it boring by "talking" about where you are and what's next. Ewww. Boring. Don't do it. Not for awhile. One last thing....I'd like to bring her some roses soon. Should I do it tomorrow when we are meeting in front of the whole family, or wait till its just us two the next time? Thanks No roses, no gifts, nothing at all yet. That's pushing too hard and you don't know whether she wants it to get like that yet. Save the flowers for a birthday, valentines day, an anniversary, or for a nice surprise when she's your steady girlfriend which isn't yet. All in all, you seem to be doing fine right now. Don't mess it up by changing the tune. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurian Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 A whole pile of roses might be too much, but I think a single rose or a little gift would be nice. It would show your intentions and if she is interested too, she would be delighted. A dozen roses would be a bit too much 4-5 dates in though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelbymustang_fan Posted August 5, 2006 Author Share Posted August 5, 2006 Thanks for posting everybody. I didn't have a chance to read any of them till now, which is after the date, but everything went awesome...Things felt much more natural tonight. We didn't have to discuss anything, and I'm glad of that because like Diggity said, it does take the fun out of things and make life boring. I don't know what went differently, but maybe when she saw that her parents liked me, she seemed to loosen up a bit. Tonight, we could just tell what each other was thinking, without talking at all. We got to the handholding thing, and the date ended with a much much much better kiss... so maybe it was more like "making out". I think my skills in the kissing dept. need some great improvements, but at least I'm getting there. I guess practice makes perfect. One thing I'd do differently next time is to find a better place than a supermarket parking lot with people driving by watching...kind of takes some romance out of things, but we kept going anyway, even with people driving by. (I think thats a huge step for two shy people to not care about being seen) Thanks again for the replies. Am I still on the right track? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dating Coach Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 Thanks again for the replies. Am I still on the right track? Yep. Keep it up. No "talking" about your situation, and no gifts until later on when she's your girlfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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