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Should you date someone who is dating others?


Lady Bugg
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If you met someone you were REALLY attracted to...and vice versa...

you had never gone out with them, but the potential was there...

You've talked, flirted etc..but never gotten together how would you feel

about knowing the other person was dating someone ELSE....although

it wasn't an "exclusive" relationship? Would you need the person to STOP

dating the other person before you'd go out with them? Is that fair?

OR would it fuel your "competitive" blood...and try to "win" that person?

 

Also...say you DO decide to date the person..at what point is it right to expect the other person to see you exclusively? Is it BEFORE you get intimate..or once you have been together?

 

Sorry if this is confusing....

Just looking for input...

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I suspect I may be in the minority here, but I think if you don't "date around", then neither should he. But you need to communicate that up front. And, speaking as a guy, a lot of us like it when the girl makes this clear that she is worthy of us forsaking others, (although we may not admit it), it sort of increases her worth in our eyes. Makes us pursue more.

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Yes, because half the people you date might be dating other people without your knowledge. The dating world has no set rules per se and unfortunately there are no "full-disclosure" laws.

 

In a nutshell, you will always be competing when dating which is why you bring your A game every time. So long as the population is plentiful then so will be our attraction toward multiple people.

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I would, and I have been the one dating others. In fact, I advocate dating multiple people at once, because it keeps you from screwing up with the ones you care about. You cannot see the ones your really want too much, too often, etc. etc.

 

If you think you are going to be intimate, if it is getting there, then it is exclusive.

 

Otherwise, 5 dates, after which you are in a relationship or not.

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If I was really attracted to someone, I couldn't stand the agony of knowing they were also kissing/dating/having sex with someone else.

 

If they were as attracted to me, they wouldn't have a problem with being exclusive to me.

 

As a sidenote, I don't understand the whole idea of exclusivity...it seems like in America, people don't have to be faithful to one person until they have "the exclusivity talk!" I find this most odd in comparison to how it works here, whereby if you go out with someone in a one-on-one context then you kiss them that's...kinda it, ya know, unless you break it off formally.

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Ok glad I'm getting male responses here... (thought ALL are welcome!!)

 

So....if you (guys) are the one "dating around"...what makes you decide on exclusivity? Would a woman saying NO to sleeping with you if you're dating others turn you off to her or raise her esteem? How do you come to that decision?

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I just got out of a relationship based on my wanting to date her non-exclusivly and she didn't want that. We moved pretty fast and she just assumed we were exclusive, though we had never talked about it. I told her I didn't want to be exclusive, unfortunately she has fallen for me very hard after only 6-8 weeks and was using the L word. About the same time I had gotten back into contact with somebody that I knew last year and wanted to date (other post about that, long story, probaby some karma there )

 

The way I saw it is that we had different needs. She really wanted an exclusive serious relationship... I just wanted to date but not be exclusive. My needs are based on the fact that I've been married and divorced twice, and I think one reason that happened is that I became exclusive too quickly.... I want to date a lot of women before I make another very serious move again.

 

Anyway, I would probably not date more than one person at a time if I was intamate with one of them, and I would not become intamate with somebody that I knew was also in an intamate relationship with somebody else... though if I was trying to win her over, I might do what I could to see how tempted I could get her...

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Does "holding out" work in these situations?

 

 

Trust me I know you want a male's opinion on this question and so do I.

 

But I can't resist:

 

IMHO, I believe "holding out" always works. Although not exactly how you may want it to. If a man is in it for the pure chase, he will go after you (depending upon how strong his motivation is) for a while. A man that just wants one thing will usually scamper off after a few tries, and although you may like him and be disappointed, it's truly to your benefit. However, the man that sticks around and keeps trying, well he's your keeper.

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So...what if you are uncomfortable with the other person seeing other people

if YOU aren't? Do you stop dating them...or do you say you would like to be exclusive? I know a lot of people say they knew early on that they wanted to be exclusive ..usually within a few weeks.

 

Is it safe to say if the person you're dating has been "seeing" someone else

on and off for a year or more...that thier relationship is most likely NOT serious?

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Well it depends on the individual. At the end of the day "dating" is essentially selling yourself. Like getting a job, selling a product you are attempting to show each other why they should choose you and you should choose them.

 

As for what your actions are during this time it depends entirely on what you are comfortable with. Dont sleep with someone if sex is not a high priority for you, if it is I would think most people would want to know if they are sexually compatible. When this happens depends on the person again and what they are comfortable.

 

Dating however does not necessarily equal sex. And never assume because you are having sex with someone that they will "choose" you and that they are only sleeping with you.

 

Personally I dont care if a girl I am in the early dating stages with is seeing others. Its foolish to think that them dating others means they wont choose me and equally its foolish to assume becasue we are exclusive they wont choose another. If this was the case then why do people break up and cheat etc.

 

I would have more comfort knowing a girl had options and choose me instead of taking anything that came along. This is why its important to be a challenge.

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So...what if you are uncomfortable with the other person seeing other people

if YOU aren't? Do you stop dating them...or do you say you would like to be exclusive? I know a lot of people say they knew early on that they wanted to be exclusive ..usually within a few weeks.

 

Is it safe to say if the person you're dating has been "seeing" someone else

on and off for a year or more...that thier relationship is most likely NOT serious?

 

 

If I was in this situation i would still date others. Especially if i was uncomfy with them dating someone else.

 

Well before i would decide to stop dating them, i would mention wanting to be exclusive, especially if the signs are there and the sparks.

 

A relationship that is on and off can mean they are having more difficulties than a couple should. They both like the FWB thing, they both try dating others but find themselves tallking and trying again.

 

There is no safe assumption here. Sorry.

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Myself, I would only "date around" in the very initial stages of a relationship, meeting people, getting to know them, etc. As soon as I feel like kissing someone, then I would not want to date around any farther (and I think a simple kiss is quite intimate, so sex itself would be a VERY long time

 

As for the guys, the same would apply. I would not mind him dating if the dates were in the getting-to-know-you stage, but I would be seriously put out if the guy was having sex with other people while dating me, because that has a high level of intimacy in my mind. If there was another relationship at that level, I would ask for exclusivity or move on.

 

I'm insecure. I don't need my boyfriend boinking other people

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