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Letter to say how I feel - long post


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I just wanted your opinion on this. I wrote a letter to state how I see that we have drifted apart. I dont think I will have a chance to talk to her in person, so I just want to let her know by the letter. Its my way of letting go, a form of closure. She stated about having a friend in the beginning, but we got to close. She has emailed saying about doing something as a friend, so I know where I stand on not having a realtionship or getting too involved. So here it is, ready for you to chop me up into pieces:

 

My dearest Miranda:

 

First, I didn't know when to give this to you because I didn't want to cause any problems with the issues you were having a couple of weeks ago. As I told you before, your home is in Costa Rica and that is where your family, friends and life was before you came to the US. You also have a guy that loves you a lot and that is something special to look forward to in your return back to Costa Rica. (Ignore this If I was able to talk to you). Also, I wanted to say what I have written to you in person because I feel like a coward for not being able to tell you in person, which is the appropriate way to talk to someone. But I haven't been able to get together with you lately, so I have written this for you to read.

Second, I just wanted to say that I have had a great time getting to know you and being with you over the past four months. I have enjoyed the laughter and your company. But, I feel that the last month or so things have changed between us, which I understand.due to your situation here in the USA. I want to apologize for getting toooooo close to you and causing you any pain that I created. I realize that you have a hard time communicating your feelings at times and can sense or read how you feel at times. I didn't mean to hurt you in any way or make you confused, which I feel I did. I understand you weren't looking for a relationship due to the short amount of time you have left here in the United States.

I never wanted to make you feel confused in regards to our friendship, such as when you stated, "I hate it because I'm falling in love with you," because your intentions were not to fall in love and to meet men for casual dating. I also fell for you as well. I guess the song that fits here is, "Listen to your heart" which you control, but I know the mind can play games with you as well. I don't want to hurt you in any way! I just want you to be happy and to enjoy my crazy world / company, as crazy as it may be. I realize that I gave too much in the beginning, eventually making you question things in regards to our friendship, which began to feel like a relationship. I feel that we became really close and I have really enjoyed those moments that I made dinner for you, the back massage, poems, movies (Ice Age I and II – Sid). Right from the beginning I wanted to get close to you and you know what I mean by "close" and thank you for letting me into your life. To this day, I don't and didn't expect anything more, for I didn't want to ruin what we had and cherish the friendship we have. You are special to me and you will always be! I cherish your friendship. I hope you stay in touch since we don't talk as much.

You always remind me the time we have left, 7, 6, 5 months. If for any reason you do decide to stay, I would like to stay good friends with a possibility of a more meaningful relationship. But whatever you decide and seems like you have made up your mind, it's one I honor and respect as a friend. I respect and honor your decision because I care about you and want you to always be happy! I hope you believe what I say, because it's the truth from my heart as usual.

I don't want you to push me away or not want to talk and ignore me. I am letting you know my thoughts or how I feel since I feel or see that we have drifted apart. I would still like to do things together as your friend, if your interested such as the things we had talked about (as a friend); such as white water rafting, sky diving, but that is up to you if you feel you want to. I don't want you to feel awkward in any way. I just want to make you laugh and smile, as usual.

Lastly, I would like to say, what ever happens from this day forward, that I will always be here for you, if you ever need anything or just need someone to talk to, even though I know you have other friends such as Alehandra to talk to. I just wanted to express my feelings and hope I haven't caused you to run away in any way. Just like the letter that you wrote me in the beginning (see letter), I will always will be the friend you need, the one who you can turn to anytime, anywhere and vise versa despite the paths our lives take.

Fondly yours

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