We shouldn't have broke up

[Martinfacey]

Ok, I have been with my girlfriend for 2 months. And 2 days ago she said the relationship wasn't what she wanted. I think she was completely right. The relationship was not turning out like I wanted it either.

 

But, the entire problem was down to me, I was acting very out of character with her, as if I was shy all the time. I have always had long strong relationships. I would usually complement constantly, give little romantic gifts all the time, and be very romantic all the time, plus I am a very good listener and conversationalist.

 

However in the 2 months, I hardly complemented, hardly talked, and only gave her a book, no flowers, no romantic letters or anything. To put it simply, I was really really boring and completely not myself.

 

She explained that she needs a week NC. And that we should be friends again, and then we don't know what will develop from that point. That we may end up together again.

 

It's just that she hasent really met me yet, if that makes sense. She saw glimpses of me every now and again, and then we were good. I have worked out the reasons for me acting strange and I will make sure that I am the man she has always wanted.

 

I am 100% confident that if I had acted myself we would be an amazing couple.

 

I want to write her a letter explaining, not pleading, but that I would really like her to be part of my life, and that I hope she gives me a chance to show the real ME. I don't want to lose her because I was so confused.

 

Please, any advise would be amazing.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I actually think your letter might help, if the reason she dumped you was because of your apparent indifference. Don't make it too long or over the top though.

[melrich]

I really wouldn't be starting to make statements to her along the lines of "that wasn't really me, let's give it another go". that just won't fly.

 

I think all you can do is just really be yourself now and hope that she sees the real you and responds to that.

[Hope75]

Why weren't you acting yourself?

 

What's the deal, if she is so amazing?

[Martinfacey]

Thankyou for your comments, they really help.

 

I think I wasnt acting myself partly because I found it very hard to talk to her. She talks a lot but doesn't pause to let me in on the conversation. For example I tried talking about favorite foods, she then talked for 15 minutes about her favorite food, her brothers favorite food, etc. Without me saying anything. I felt like I couldnt have a conversation with her. I talked about it wen we split up and she realised thats what she had been doing. So I don't think that is a problem anymore. I think it was the lack of communication that made the relationship go bad. I should have talked about this problem before. I didnt compliment her as often as I normaly would because after a while I just found myself being quiet.

 

She was working lots and taking park in a dance production aswel so she was always tired. So we usually just stayed in and watched the television. I didnt want to suggest going out or doing anything because I thought she was always too tired. I think also the fact that we hardly went out on dates effected us aswel. But when we did we were great together. But they were rare. I was just too soft and didnt suggest doing anything. And just went along with what she would normally be doing if I wern't there. Like watching TV. I think the fact that I didnt make choices or plans effected us to.

[Hope75]

When you talked to her about not being able to get a word in edgewise, was this at the end, and she left you anyway?

 

When she said this was not what she wanted, did she have any specific examples?

 

Sounds like you may have not been alone in what lead to this breakup.

[annie24]

maybe you two just weren't a good match in the first place? If she never let you get a word in edgewise, and you were constantly feeling shy around her, maybe this isn't the woman for you....?

[Martinfacey]

She is the same around everyone, the only people who manage to talk with her properly are people who are very talkative also. I wasn't shy really, I just went quiet.

[lady00]

Give her the week she asked for...also take the time yourself to reflect further on the relationship and if you really want it back. In fact, give it a month...the time will clear your head. Keep up NC for a while then see if you still want to contact her later on or if she contacts you. Then keep the contact short and sweet and work on moving on. If she asks to meet up, then maybe take her up on it and if she brings up the relationship and talks about things you did that she didn't like, let her know you agree with her and weren't acting like yourself. Then keep quiet and let her talk...