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I feel like the hugest idiot.

 

I broke up with my bf last night. We had not been dating long - about 3 weeks...and it was long distance - we only saw each other in person once (for 3 days) during the time we were dating (but we talked online for hours almost every day. Neither of us are very fond of the phone.)

 

I dunno. I broke up with him yesterday, and I had all these reasons. I had been thinking about it, and talked it through with several people...and all of them had agreed and encouraged me to break up with him. They agreed that he had been an * * *, not showing much care for me, and that the drama his friend was causing was really just overboard - the whole thing wasn't worth it, especially for an LDR.

 

...But...now that I've done it, all of those reasons I had....just seem so insignificant. I feel like I overreacted to everything, and even overreacted in my break-up conversation. And no - this doesn't have anything to do with what he said to me during that talk. In truth, he just seemed not to care that much when I told him I wanted to break up with him. He pretty much told me that it was "my decision".

 

I don't know why I regret it so much now. Even the break up conversation confirmed my initial thoughts that he just didn't care that much. And yet here I am trying to justify it, like "Well, maybe he just...didn't want to show emotion, becuase I mean, I was breaking up with him after all. Perhaps he didn't want to give me the satisfaction of knowing he cared."

 

Oh, and I should add...we had that conversation on the internet. I know, it sounds lame, but since that is where the majority of our conversation was, and we did not have plans to see each other very soon...it seemed acceptable, or even best, in this situation. So I guess emotion would be hard to discern in this context as well.

 

I don't really know why I'm posting this. I guess...even though I dumped him, I feel rejected. I think part of me was hoping he would want to work out the problems I proposed to him instead of just accepting it. And since he didn't react like that...now part of me really wants to go back to him today and ask him whether we can try again.

 

I feel like the hugest idiot.

Someone smack some sense into me, or something

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I don't know about him, but I myself find it hard to care for someone after only 3 weeks. What did you expect? Have you two even been initimate yet? I think you have very unrealistic expectations of a relationship. Did you know him for a while before you started dating? The first three weeks most people usually feel each other out, try to figure out what the other one is about. The care and the love come later. How did you expect him to react?

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You maybe feel a little sheepish because you became quite funked over a 3 week, long distance relationship that wasn't really heavy on substance or potential?

 

Sometimes little incidents that shouldn't mean a lot hit us unexpectedly - I was going out with a guy for 1 month, long distance, similar situation. I ended it but felt utterly bereft for some reason - in hindsight, it was because I was wasting my time on what never would have been a decent relationship and I felt annoyed at myself about that.

 

I suspect in a couple of months time you'll realise why this has affected you so much. It'll be reasons personal to you.

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Yeah, I do feel sheepish about caring so much.

 

We met about a month and a half before we started dating, and we had this really great connection/friendship for a while, but it was really flirty the whole time.

 

I know it's really dumb, but I...tend to care about people around me a lot. Even people I don't like. I don't really know why it happens. I think I'm just too emotional at times. Needless to say, when it comes to friends, people I talk to every day, and/or people I am crushing on, this can get me hurt or cause problems. So perhaps right now, I am just being very very silly.

 

But...before we were a couple...I did care about him as a friend, and I loved talking to him.

And then he asked me out.

And I thought - okay, this sounds good. He seems like a really great, caring, cool guy. He also made a big deal about how he was scared he would screw it up, and how he really didn't want to and how he WOULD make this work, despite the distance...both when he asked me out, and shortly after my visit with him, when I expressed concern about the long distance thing again.

 

During my visit, we spent a lot of time in each other's arms and we kissed, but it was nothing more serious. However, I was his first girlfriend (he's 19) and his first kiss, so I think those were big steps for a 3 day visit.

 

He had told me before, when we were friends, that he was scared of relationships, and he thought he would never have one that worked....and then when I had the break-up conversation, he said something like "This is how I figured it would end up. When you expect to do nothing but fail, it sort of grounds you."

 

I dunno. My expectations may have been unrealistic, but I guess...since we worked so well as friends, and since he seemed so set on making it work at the start...perhaps I just expected more than I got? I don't know. I really don't.

 

And now I've lost a friend too.

Meh.

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I have a tendency to want to jump into relationships. I've learned many a hard lessons though, I'll tell you that much. I am very guarded now about my feelings, it's almost like I built up an iron wall around my heart. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve, but no more. I always get hurt if I jump in too soon. Even still I somewhat let my guard down. If the guy I'm seeing doesn't call as often as I'd like, if he doesn't want to see me, if he doesn't im me, I will sit there and be like OH NO. But you can't do that, you will sabotage your relationships. You just have to sit back, go with the flow, enjoy the ride and see where it takes you.

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