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Hopelessness


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Disclaimer, this is going to be a bit of a ramble as I'm sort of all over the place right now. Well I had the opportunity to move to go to Europe for 6 months and play baseball. I decided to take that opportunity as I was getting paid to do it and a free chance to see Europe. Before I left I split with my girlfriend about 4 months prior to leaving. Were still really good friends which is nice because she really is a good person. I just feel like since I've been here I've totally put my life on hold. I just saw Rome and Paris and I saw some of the most beautiful things I've seen in my life and I shared them with no one. I got back and my ex has a boyfriend now, which is great I truly am happy for her because she's a wonderful person I have immense respect for. I am however jealous because I'm around couples all the time here. My best friends here are a couple and I hang out with them alot and the female of the couple is a great person and I know there are plenty of great woman out there. However because I'm here I can't really find one. I'm leaving in a couple months, yet I find myself wondering what am I going to do when I get home. I'm going to try and sign with a team when I get back, but then there is the off season. I graduated college and I had a double major so I have the ability to start a career, but do you start a career really when you could very well be quitting 5 months after you start to go play baseball professionally? How do you start a life when you don't know where your going to be in the near future? I'm not the kind of guy that can do the whole single thing well. I mean I want what my ex now has, she's happy and that's good. I'm not saying I want that with her, but I want that happiness that comes with being in a good relationship so I can share the things I've seen with them. I just feel like I'm unhappy right now and there is nothing I can do about it because I have no stability in my life. I want to move when I get home, but where do I move to? I just feel so hopeless right now.

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