kellbell Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 I can understand one bad experience with a therapist can put a bad taste in your mouth but not all therapists are like that. A person really needs to trust and connect with his/her therapist in order to feel at ease. And sometimes, it takes a few tries. But when ever you are ready. Because I truly believe a person needs to be in a place to embrace and want therapy in order for it to have the maximum benefits. But keep posting here as much as you like. You are certainly not alone. (((hugs))) Link to comment
Dako Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Lil goth Finding a good therapist is like making friends. Some just don't work out. I saw my therapist yesterday for what may be the last time. After seven years, I consider him a good friend and will miss him. Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 I vividly remember abuse healthy people may know only from horror movies. How about dad sitting watching TV and mom hitting his head with a metal aquarium tank cleaner, causing a major wound requiring hospitalization. How many stitches my head required from her high penny-sized-heal shoes or breaking wooden coat hangers on me. Not to mention when they were trying to pull each others legs or arms out. Preferably at Christmas! At that time, all I wanted is to get away. Today I know that they were sick and made each other sicker. My dad is gone for 32 years, I am OK with mom, but I do not think that I will shed a tear about her as well as I never shed a tear about my dad. When he left, it was just another day, but I was heading for worse as I now had to stay with mom ending the happiest 7 months - my dad was drunk an not to be seen - of my youth prior to leaving for Asia age 23. I may have spent a month at home in 23 years and was not there since '94! I was never depressed before losing my first love, but I had developed a workaholic and over-controlling easy-attach mentality and did chose wrong partners. I spent so much time with counselors and psychiatrists of my first wife and most of them had no idea about what's was going on *inside* her. For example, a psychiatrist with a Ph.D knows the theory *best*, but has not experienced the feeling. They can't relate, it's really impossible. Well, it might be "better" for they to have *practical* training with abuse and severe depression. Whoahhh, what a painful education. OK, crazy idea, just pointing out the problem of lack of experience again. I also know the feeling only since having experienced severe depression and having been very close to suicide myself. Likewise here on the forum, people from a happy family know how it *should* be, but they do not know the *feeling*. It's OK, but silence is gold at times. Counter venting against the OP and judging the OP should be banned. .-k Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Hi lilgothicdevil, By both direct and indirect experience am I able to understand your feelings. My concept of purpose of what we do here is for you to recover ideally to full health, but at least to the point that you can trust professionals like a good therapist. We know that all this will take time, that there will be setbacks but also that there are more good days. As we talked yesterday in your last thread, many therapists can not relate to our feeling and destroy trust by lecturing and Shhhhhhhn'ng us at the wrong time. I hope one day soon your feelings will be balanced and you are happy to make your own choices of wisdom and find a good therapist if you feel the need to do so. Link to comment
lilgothicdevil5533 Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 thank u...for now tho i dont want to see a therapist and im TRYING to forgive my dad but its really hard Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 thank u...for now tho i dont want to see a therapist and im TRYING to forgive my dad but its really hard Sorry for misunderstanding, no need to think about seeing a therapist until you want. It took me 25 years to forgive my mom mostly, take your time. You must get well, your abusers do not matter. Link to comment
lilgothicdevil5533 Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 well im trying to take my time but me not talking to my dad is bothering my mom so i have to try and pretend like everything is fine again Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 The first step is not have feelings (very) negative. As long as he does not abuse you, think about he is a "complicated" boss. Arrange yourself, take it easy, keep cool, you outlast him! If you one day can psychologicaly understand him and can care about him, OK, if not, thats life. Focus on your self worth, self esteem and future. Do not let anything bring you down. Link to comment
lilgothicdevil5533 Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 Focus on your self worth, self esteem and future. Do not let anything bring you down. well im tryin my best Link to comment
kellbell Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Has your father always had anger issues? I mean, what was he like when you him and your mom met, when they got married. He was older when you were born. I am not trying to make excuses for him, just trying to pick apart the situation. Is he depressed or angry about getting older? Was there abuse when he was younger? If I am getting out of hand with the questions let me know. Link to comment
lilgothicdevil5533 Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 Has your father always had anger issues? I mean, what was he like when you him and your mom met, when they got married. He was older when you were born. I am not trying to make excuses for him, just trying to pick apart the situation. Is he depressed or angry about getting older? Was there abuse when he was younger? If I am getting out of hand with the questions let me know. no he doesnt care about getting older and i dunno about the other questions Link to comment
onewithbooks Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 I had a friend of mine who when times got hard for her, I would make her blow on a pinwheel. Its sounds silly,but it got her taking deep breaths which she needed in order to calm down. Plus its rather a silly thing, and that helped. After awhile all I would need to say was "Think pinwheel" Link to comment
hopelessxnow Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 is your father a scorpio by any chance? Link to comment
lilgothicdevil5533 Posted August 5, 2006 Author Share Posted August 5, 2006 no hes an aries....and im a taurus Link to comment
pathofra Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 look put simply she has had a bad life with "her" dad just as i have with "my "dad. i was reading the blogs and someone in this one said tht she got hit or as she put it smacked when she was being a bad girl . as a father now myself i will never hit my child for any reason no matter how much i would like to . for my father was an abusive controlling maniplutive s.o.b. . but in his defense his dad hit him as well in an abusive manner. and so on i am assuming with his dad well you know the cycle. well my father is now finding out the hard way the way he did things was nt the "way" he should have gone as a parent and husband for he was abusive both verball;y and physically and emotionally to my mom and after 34 years of her taking it she had the strenght left to get up and said enough and they are now divorcing. and my father hasnt really tried to contact really any of his 3 children.So you see there are different points of view to the same thing to which none of those different views are wrong. so if she says she will be happy when he passes then dont pass judgment on her and just respect her feeling in this matter. (this will come out wrong but) you may express your opionons but dont judge someone for having a view different than your own. each experience is different. Link to comment
Wazbinbee Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 Lilgothicdevil - I know exactly how you feel and I'm 53. I don't think it's just teenage "angst" as we call it in England. From the things you first describe, it is more the truth you are describing than just "hormones". As mentioned, I am 53 and my father still scares the sh.. out of me. Over the years it has made me hurt and saddened when I get the attitude from people who don't have a clue what me and my brothers went through - that it's a problem I have and not a psychotic problem my father has. There were four siblings. One is mentally handicapped and like a cabbage, one died at 47 through drink from the age of 13, the other brother doesn't function in society as "normal" people do and me ... I just do my best. I am sure it would help if you saw some specialist counsellor to talk through what you've been though so far in your young life. You will come through this - females cope better. I wish you all the best. You will prove to be a star. Take care. Link to comment
lilgothicdevil5533 Posted August 6, 2006 Author Share Posted August 6, 2006 i kno i should go see a specialist but i dont want to....not yet at least Link to comment
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