i cant wait untill my dad dies!

[lilgothicdevil5533]

HOWEVER, don't hate forever. Don't give him that much power in your life.

 

Blessed be.

 

i kno...i dont plan on hating forever...i kno i have to forgive him to allow myself to move on...my mom says the same thing

[Dako]

lilgothicdevil

 

This is your thread. Don't give up on us because we disagree. If you'll notice, these forums are filled with disagreement.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

im not giving up...i just dont want to respond to hape75 comments because it seems to me that Hope75 thinks that i have all this hatered and anger for nothing

[Dako]

I'm convinced your dad is a real putz, but some of us might not want to see you consumed by anger if you can help it. Hatred can make people sabatoge their life with bitterness. Maybe in time you'll cool off a bit for your sake, not your dad's.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

yeah i kno...like i said i kno i have to move on sometime but im too angry to forgive him for everything at the moment

[Dako]

I don't blame you. I didn't have the happiest life at your age, either.

Better to be outraged than cowering in some dark corner.

[onewithbooks]

i kno...i dont plan on hating forever...i kno i have to forgive him to allow myself to move on...my mom says the same thing

 

 

Its so hard though, knowing and being able to do it, are two different things. It took me a while to come to a place where I could

[lilgothicdevil5533]

Its so hard though, knowing and being able to do it, are two different things. It took me a while to come to a place where I could

 

oh i kno it isnt going to be easy...its gonna take some time for me

[kellbell]

lilgothicdevil5533,

 

I understand your feelings about your dad to some extent. I do not have the greatest relationship with my dad either. I will not get into the all the details but my father had a drinking problem, bullied my older brother, and was a jerk to my mom half the time. I remember when I was little, I always wished something would happen to him.

 

Those vivid feelings like that dwindled as I got older. But I never had a close relationship with him at all, even now at 29, I still do not, nor do I want one. My parents are divorcing and now my father wants a relationship with my brothers and I. I am afraid it is a little too late for that. I do not want anything to happen to my dad per sae, but I rather not have a close relationship with him either. Make sense? If I do not talk to him for weeks at a time, I am okay with that.

 

I am going out on a limb here and going to ask does your dad have like a mental illness, such as Bipolar Disorder? Any issues with alcohol? Perhaps not hate your father, but hate his behavior and how he makes you and your family feel. Have you thought about talking to a school counselor about how you feel about your dad? How you feel about your parents, especially at your age can be a complicated thing. I know you hurt very much. I hurt more for my mom and my older brother than for myself.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

I am going out on a limb here and going to ask does your dad have like a mental illness, such as Bipolar Disorder? Any issues with alcohol? Perhaps not hate your father, but hate his behavior and how he makes you and your family feel. Have you thought about talking to a school counselor about how you feel about your dad? How you feel about your parents, especially at your age can be a complicated thing. I know you hurt very much. I hurt more for my mom and my older brother than for myself.

 

1. well i kno he does have some mental issues but he takes medication for it

2. he doesnt drink alcohol

3. im not talking to a school counselor. i refuse to

[Dako]

What's the fear of a counselor?

[lilgothicdevil5533]

no fear....

i just refuse to

[onewithbooks]

Do you not think a couselor could help you see things from another perspective? Maybe it could just be another set of ears to listen?

[lilgothicdevil5533]

um no thanks....i just dont like them

[kellbell]

Well, seeing a counselor is totally your decision but may I ask your refusal to see one is because a "stigma" attached to seeing one? I have been seeing a social worker since November and it was a good decision. I trust her completely. There is nothing wrong with seeing one. I recommend a social worker over a psychologist or psychiatrist because social workers tend to be in tune with their clients better and not so much caught up in the "scholarly world."

 

definitely your call but it could not hurt either.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

no i just...

i dunno...i dont like them

[Hope75]

LGD,

 

I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot, so first let me apologize. What I meant by respectful posts was in response to nottogreen's post on your thread asking posters to read your previos threads before posting-

 

 

Love your rapist, love your abuser? No way, suicide seems better.

 

Venting anger towards abusers is essential part of recovery.

 

I'd like to make a suggestion for another forum, a venting and ranting forum where moderators could move this kind of thread. This thread for example does not belong into this forum as it is not related to "normal" parents.

 

Also, before replying to "offensive" threads, please take 1 minute to see the thread history of the poster.

 

Thank you all.

 

So to him, I said that as long as our responses to you are respectful, (as all posts on the forum need to be- we need to treat other members with respect-) we are allowed to do so.

 

It had nothing to do with your feelings towards your father or the fact that you posted them. They are allowed- you are not being disrespectful to other members by posting those feelings. Does that make more sense?

 

As for your original post- I will not lie and say that it did not provoke a strong response myself because I love my own dad so much and he almost died last year. I felt the need to respond. That does not invalidate how you are feeling. I asked you some questions after because I wanted a better picture of what was going on that made you feel this way.

 

Hope this clears some things up.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

yeah it makes sense....and i guess i got a little too defenseive a little too quick

[annie24]

no i just...

i dunno...i dont like them

 

well, that's not really a good enough answer. sorry. have you ever met one? did they do something awful to you?

 

So, my dad died when I was 11. that was rough. but despite my dad's death, it didn't make me closer to my mom. she has been overbearing my whole life and while she means well, she's really said some horrible awful things and been a not-so-good mom in other ways.

 

Anyways, I understand how you feel, about not caring if your dad dies. I sometimes feel that way about my mom. if I met her on the street, we probably wouldn't be friends. Our relationship seems to have gotten worse since I've gotten older. I really don't desire a relationship with her at all, but I would do anything to talk to my dad again, even if just for 5 minutes....

 

But... here's the thing.... you are your own person, and family is just a total accident of DNA. He doesn't HAVE to stay in your life. You don't HAVE to want him to die, you can just phase him out of your life.

 

It is really worth discussing this all with a therapist though. That is part of the reason why you came here, no? Because you wanted to get your feelings out in the open and try to figure things out? well, we are not professionals, we are just everyday people, but deep issues like these, it's good to talk to a professional about them.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

i dont want to go to a therapist tho....and its a good enough answer for me

[annie24]

ok, when you are ready....

 

eNotalone is a form of therapy too though....

[lilgothicdevil5533]

yeah i kno it is...i like this place better then a therapist..i've been to one before...i did not like it...

[annie24]

yeah, every therapist is different. I've been to some, where I couldn't stand talking to them, and others where I wish I could invite them over for dinner!

 

sometimes, you don't get a "good fit" on the first try. all therapists are not created equal, and it is important to find someone that you feel a good rapport with and feel comfortable with.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

yeah i kno...but im just more comfortable talking on here

[Hangin10]

My dad did die. And then a whole town got so much happier.