Jump to content

Did NC, but Ex emails me, What should I Do?


Recommended Posts

Ok my ex broke up with me over a month ago, the reason according to her was that she doesn't picture herself marrying me. We're both 21 and this is our first relationship and we have been together for over 3 years.

The first two weeks I couldn't find closure because I kept thinking there must be more to it than the reason she gave me. I kept thinking is it because her parents influenced her in any way (since they are very strict), or since this is our first love, she is curious to what is out there? Is she getting bored? Or is she beginning to like someone else (which has happened once before)

 

Here is the mini pretext story to it:

 

We were dating for 2 years then she met this other guy who was very sneaky and sweet talked her and unfortunately during that time I admit I was neglecting her. She started to get attracted to him and since I was neglecting her and taking her for granted, eventually she broke up with me. I was devastated because I knew it was my fault for neglecting her and I could've easily changed it but it was too late. We broke up for a week or so and I called her asking for another chance because I knew the other guy didnt like her genuinely so I wasn't ready to let her go. (I know I know I shouldn't have have called her but I love her so much I didn't care if I looked desperate) Afterwards we got back together and a few weeks later through different events she saw that I was right and that the other guy was conniving and fake.

 

 

Ok back to the main and current story, so as I was saying at first I couldn't find closure so I kept asking her what the real reason is but she still gave me the same answer, so slowly I realized I'm not gonna over analyze anything so I eventually accepted the fact that whatever the reason was she doesn't love me enough to stay and if she's confused, I guess I can't do anything else but move on. If I beg her to come back to me like last time then what if she does? then next time shes gonna break up with me again and continue the cycle and it would hurt even more so I just accepted the fact that her love for me was over.

 

So finally I had closure and moved on with my life. I was doing fine for a week or so, I went out with friends, went to parties, went to the movies, started working out, study, etc.

She wanted to still be friends and I reluctantly agreed, but a few days afterwards I realized it was not a good idea since I still had feelings for her so I went into NC which I didnt tell her. I didnt message her online or phone her anymore. I was busy most nights anyways.

 

Then one night I got an email from her saying how she's been thinking and she's sorry for hurting me so many times. She said she was confused and doesn't know what she wants. She said said she's beginning to miss me more everyday and wanted to call me to hear my voice but was afraid to call cause she doesn't know if im busy or if i even want to talk to her.

 

At first I wasn't going to reply to her email but I dunno why I guess I was hoping she wants to get back so i replied back. I told her even though she has hurt me she doesn't need to apologize because she can't help it if she lost her feelings for me. I then asked her why does she want to talk to me and hear my voice because when I asked her the first week of the breakup she said she didnt miss me. Other than that I didnt say anything about whether it was ok for her to call me or not. Knowing how shes stubborn and full of pride, she probably wanted me to call her but I didnt cause I don't wanna assume.

 

Then two weeks passed by me moving on with my life then one night after I came home from a club I got another email from her. This time she asked the usual how I was, then she said she couldn't sleep and realized it was the day of our anniversary and she wanted to call but figure I wasn't home so decided to email instead. She then advised me not to go out or party too much cause its not good for me.

 

After reading that email, I was kinda moved and happy because it kinda gave me hope because she misses me and I thought to myself maybe she wants to get back? But at the same time I was getting frustrated with her emails also because SHE broke up with me and I'm trying to move on but it seems like she's playing games. Deep down inside I admit if she did wanted to get back I would get back with her on certain conditions since I truly love her but I don't want to assume she wants to get back just because she sent me those emails so I figure its better to play it safe and not assume.

 

I realized that if I don't do something, she'll keep emailing me and play games with me so I sent her a final reply. I replied to the email and asked her why did she mentioned the anniversary date because what relevance is that to me now since its in the past. I told her that she doesn't have to worry about me partying too much since I balance everything out, I goto work, I go out, and I'm studying and im going to get my masters one day. I then told her that even though I said it was ok to be friends back then, but now I want to make it clear that its not a good idea.

 

The next day she emailed me and she said this will be the last email since it seems I'm mad at her still even though she wanted to be nice and be friends but the way I replied seems rude. She then says sorry for everything.

 

Even though a part of me was irritated that I was trying to move on and it seems like she was playing games with me, a part of me kept thinking that maybe this is her way of sending a signal that she wants to get back but since she is so stubborn and full of pride she's not going to say it directly and wants me to make the first move.

 

I felt bad cause my replies to her emails seemed kinda harsh and I didn't want her to think that I hate her because I didn't want to be friends. So then the next day I met up with her for the final time to get everything off my chest and see what she has to say. I told her I don't hate her and I'm sorry if my replies seemed rude, i didnt mean to. I then started to ask her about my theory that she wanted to get back, and she said ya its true when she wrote me those emails she thought about it. I then asked her how she feels now and she said she guess we should both move on cause it seems like I'm moving on fine and she shud too. When she said that I didn't know if she meant it or she said it cause she saw that I was moving on and was too embarrass/shy/scared to say "lets get back". I then accepted that then left.

 

So in conlusion (yes I know that was long lol) I'm on day 4 of NC again. Sometimes I wondered if I should've have just came out and say "I love you and if you want to get back then I will too"...I know thats probably the worst idea ever but can't help but think it cause those emails from her gave me hope. What does everyone think about everything?

 

Thanks for reading

I'll keep you updated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think despite how emotional you are over the situation, you have a very good handle on things. She's probably hurting, and it hurts her even more when she sees that you are moving on and not contacting her in anyway, so she e-mails you to see what kind of reaction she can get. She's tempted to get back together with you again because you are familiar and comfortable to her, but in the end it will probably turn out the same way it did before.

 

 

Hopefully she will not e-mail you again, but there is no telling if she will or not and to be on the safe side I think you should add her e-mail address to your block list. That way there's no way a random e-mail from her in the future wont interrupt your healing.

 

Good luck and take care...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been down your path before and let me tell you... It'll just hurt you more if you continue being her friend and answering her emails/contacts. Read some of my posts. My ex emails and txt msg me all the time. She recently sent me a email yesterday asking how I'm doing... how she wanted to call me... blah blah blah.

 

You need to reflect why you guys broke up. You can't if you're always being there for her... She's just using you for emotional support and feels guilty for breaking up with you.

 

It's a cycle. You need to break from it. Use this time to better yourself. Don't waste it hoping. You only need to hear one thing from her, "I want to work things out". nothing less.

 

Good luck

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...