makes faces when i touch her

[abbett]

i've been seeing someone monogamously for 6 months now.

 

what has become upsetting to me the last few months is how she has shut down a lot physically.

 

sexually, she is trying to be more open now. however, if i look at her or comment on her body, or reach out to touch a part of her body, sometimes she will roll her eyes or push me away.

 

i love her and because of that, i love and am amazed by her body. i like to look at it and touch it.

 

however, the way she looks at me sometimes and reacts, you'd think i was a dirty pervert!

 

she says i am such a guy and it hurts my feelings because i truly love her, am in a committed relationship with her, and am not trying to be a pervert just because i am attracted to her and want to touch her.

 

upon further questioning today, she said that when i do those things, it sometimes reminds her of when guys have touched her inappropriately. i wonder if it also reminds her of when she was raped by her stepbrother when she was 14.

 

it hurts my feelings and i want to feel patient with her - but is this an issue too large for us to try to overcome together?

[DN]

i wonder if it also reminds her of when she was raped by her stepbrother when she was 14.

Seems probable. Has she had counselling about that?

 

If you love her - patience and understanding should be your guide.

[Sally00]

I have also been with my boyfriend for 6 months. I also tell him, "You're such a guy" when he's trying to get really close to me... but I'm just kidding when I say it and we laugh.

 

I was about to ask you if she's had any traumatizing experience... then I continued to read and you said she was raped... So I can see why she must be like this. Please don't take it personally... because it must have been HORRIBLE for her. You should understand this. Maybe she should see a professional about this. Just be patient with her if you really love her.

 

How old are both of you? The whole raped thing may have happened too recent for her and might explain why she's like this. But if this DIDN'T happen recently, you still have to understand that every person goes through a traumatizing experience at their own pace.

[Stambler]

She needs your love and patience. Her stepbrother, perhaps someone she thought she was supposed to love and trust (and perhaps did), let her down in the worst way. She needs to know that if she lets her guard down, you won't give her a reason to not trust you...

[Beec]

I think she either has things that bother her because of the rape or she is no longer attracted to you. Why not stop chasing her, in a physical way, for a little while.

[helpme2]

speaking from a similar experience, reassure her that you love her and that you will do what it takes to make her comfortable, even if it means not being physical for a while (however, you should only tell her that if it's the truth)

[eMICHELLEa]

maybe she feels that is all you are interested in..and yes a experience like rape would make her a little uncomfortable sometimes..try to understand.