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My ex (together for 2 years) moved accross the country for a job a month ago. And the first night that he got there, we got into a small argument and he broke up w/ me...

 

He decided that we can't be together because of two reasons:

(1) We fight too much.. he decided that our personalities just don't match anymore because they clash so much...

(2) He can't picture a future w/ me because of racial issues (he's korean and i'm not).. he decided that he wants to marry a korean girl for his parents...

 

So now its been a month... we've barely talked (i've called him twice i think). He seems to be adjusting to his new life pretty well, and is happily single. He says that he barely thinks about me... maybe once a week if that.

 

Everyone tells me to move on. Obviously he doesn't want this relationship anymore, so why am i beating a dead horse? But I can't... what we had was so perfect and so special.. I know that I can be happy again with someone else, but I don't think anything will ever come close to the special connection that we have. It kills me to think that he's so happy without me.. and that he won't even give it a chance to work out.

 

I really don't know what to do. I bought a plane ticket about 3 weeks ago to go see him in mid-August. I was hoping so hard that maybe a miracle would happen by then, and he would realize how much he loves me and needed me. But I guess that's not going to happen. I told him about the ticket maybe 2 weeks ago and he said not to come.. he's only going to leave me at the airport.. its not a good idea to see each other. And I know with those words, and with all advice pointing to the fact that I shouldn't go, it'd be completely stupid of me to take the trip.

 

But I miss him so much, and I want to see him. Even if not for a relationship, at least for another wonderful weekend together. I don't know what to do anymore... I wish this would all just be a bad dream and I could wake up already...

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You don't deserve to be treated like this....and I think the line about trying to please his parents is bogus as well. It's going to be tough, but plenty of people here will help you out. Got to resign him to the trash bin of history, and learn what you can from this relationship. I know this sounds trite, but better days will come.

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As long as you keep believing you will never find that connection again, you won't. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy really. Besides, apparently you are looking for a one-sided connection apparently at that. So, no, you probably woudl be better off NOT looking for a connection like that again...instead, find a better one!

 

There is someone out there more 'perfect' for you, and you for him, but guess what...as long as you do beat this 'dead horse' you aren't giving them the chance to meet you!

 

It does not sound emotionally healthy to be talking to him either, sounds like you are looking for reassurances he will not and cannot offer, and are holding on to hope that it will change. Honestly, I think he considered breaking it off a while before he moved, but that was the push he needed to do it.

 

Oh, and do NOT take that trip, I am not sure what you are expecting but he already said he does not want to see you, does not want a "wonderful weekend together" so how is going there going to help do anything but only make you feel more horrible?

 

It's time to move on honey, and the only way to go is forward from here on in.

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Welcome to ENA accrosstheworld222! Glad to have you around here.

 

Well, I don't know of a situation that has been more clear. He told you he doesn't want to be with you, says he barely thinks about you, he's gone starting a new life and states that he is happy in doing so. This thing is as done as done can be.

 

That is not the issue. The issue is what's going on with you and how to deal with it. One month removed from a 2-year relationship is very soon. You are pretty obviously swimming in denial here big time. That's OK, don't beat yourself up over that. It's all part of the process. I urge you to examine yourself and why you feel you do.

 

Now, a couple of things jump out at me here. First, you say this relationship was "perfect" and you had a "special connection" with him. Yeah, you may have had these things but he obviously does not. You are holding onto an illusion here, and attached to an idea with this guy. He is gone but the idea remains in your head.

 

And you say you "miss him" so much. This is completely normal and does not mean you should be with him! You guys were together for two years! So you'd be going out there to see him to assuage this feeling then? After he has written you out of life?

 

So I see one of two paths here. You can take the trip to see him, hopefully this will wake you up from your dream in seeing that this thing really is gone and get hardline closure or you can change your ticket for 50 bucks or so and go somewhere cool and have yourself a little vacation.

 

I'd take option "B" but I have a feeling you're going to go see him. I've taken crazy trips like this before and it really helped my perspective on relationships down the road. Sometimes we need a kick in the * * * to set us on the right path. So if you go, just don't get married or pregnant.

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Oh, and do NOT take that trip, I am not sure what you are expecting but he already said he does not want to see you, does not want a "wonderful weekend together" so how is going there going to help do anything but only make you feel more horrible?

 

I think she needs to feel horrible and get her * * * kicked to turn the corner on this. I feel she needs to go get this experience for herself and really learn from this. That's how taking the trip will help.

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