Need some tips on effective ways to approach a man

[Lola55]

I just want to know what I am doing wrong here!

I am not looking for anything serious. It's the summer time and I just want to play the field and have some fun. However, I have had no luck at all! I work a 9-5 job so the only time I have a chance to go out and meet guys is the weekend and its pretty much always at a bar or club. I know that those are not the best places to find a guy, but i just want to have some fun! I would love to go on a date or two, talk to a new guy and get a little action every now and then. I am loving being single but it has been hard approaching guys.

I get approached but all the creepy guys at the bars that I have no interest in. When I see one who I find attractive I usually give them a smile, say hello as I walk by and I have even slipped my number a couple times....all ending in NOTHING!

Soooo guys....if you were at a bar and a girl approached you or tried to make it known that she was interested...what would be some ways that you would find the most appealing?

I don't want to come off slutty or ditzy because I am not at all, but I want to make it known that I am interested.

Also, why is it that guys tell me all the time that I am attractive yet when the time comes (like right now) when I would actually want someone to come over and talk to me, no one does!!! I don't get it, guys will stare at me, check me out to no end but they won't just come over and say hi!

A little help please!

[mikeca]

get them on the dance floor haha, worked on me, next thing you know your talking...then exchanging #s

[heloladies21]

Breaking down the gender double standard! Good for you!!!

 

If you say you're pretty good looking and it sounds like you have a good personality, then it's probably that guys get intimidated by your outgoing nature. As a girl, you really have a free range of things you could do successfully. You could just walk up to pretty much any guy and start talking to them and receive a good response. Chat em up, seem fun, drop hints that you'd be receptive to getting together, then give them your number. You have to do the set up or else the guy won't really know what to do or say when he wants to call you so he'll sike himself out.

[zippitt]

Well, I read someone that men have more self confidence issues than woman do.

 

Other than that I cannot say what is going wrong for you, if a woman smiled at me in the bar I would approach her, well providing I was sure it was directed at me. It can be pretty easy to miss in a crowded, noisy, dark club.

 

Not to be big headed, but to share my side of the story I get some of the same thing. Many girls say I'm cute, I have only ever once successfully picked up a girl at a club, and this was only because I met her once before.

 

Of course I'm not as aggressive as I need to be, I'm stupid to think girls would just talk to me because I'm cute

 

Unfortunately in your case, without seeing what's going on there it could be hard to give advice.

[Lola55]

thanks for the replies...

I get what you are saying. I should just go up to him, be confident and see where it goes from there. I have tried to do that and a few times the guy has asked for my number but I never receive a call (I don't get that one bit!!!). I guess since the past couple times have ended up like that I have given up on the way I have been approaching. It could also some bad luck and I should keep at it....I don't know!

There have been times when I have smiled at a guy and he smiles right back....its obvious that I was looking at him too, and he just stays where he is and does'nt attempt to come over....I mean come on, I am game for approaching a guy but when I make it obvious why can't they just come over!?? If they are intimidated you would think that the smile would put them at ease a little?? How can I seem less intimidating? I only TRY to come accross as friendly and approachable, maybe it is doing the opposite of what I want it to do.

[itsallgrand]

You work 9-5? so do a lot of people (men included).

 

What are you doing from 5-bedtime on weekdays? And how come only bars and clubs? You get what I'm saying...

 

I've always had way more luck away from the bars and clubs. Plus, the quality sucks there - you want to have fun, but not put up with losers.

[Lola55]

I am really bust these days with other things including work. I just like to go out with my friends and let loose on the weekends. Things will be different in a couple months but for now I have to settle with the bar scene!! I am ok with it though, like I said, I am not looking for anything serious. I just need to step up my game! haha

[heloladies21]

You're fine. Get the guy's number too. Trade em. Then you can follow up at your leisure.

[Carnatic]

Well most guys would probably be bowled over that you'd approached them, it doesn't often happen that way round.

 

Don't be vague or subtle about your attraction, make it quite obvious you're interested in him. I'm a bit of an extreme case in point but I wouldn't make the connection that a girl might be interested in me unless she came over and stuck her tongue down my throat... and even then I'd be telling myself it wasn't interest. Most guys aren't that bad but we still need something concrete to go on, especially as we aren't used to being approached by girls.

 

And if you're not after a long term relationship then make that clear from the start, some women make the mistake of assuming we're all players who won't be hurt if the girl says at a later date all she wanted was to fool around.

 

I'm surprised you slipped guys your number and still got nothing... even I would be considering calling... Actually scrub that, a girl once wrote a number down on a piece of card and gave it to me and I didn't ring it... but she was being vague, she didn't say it was her number, or that I should ring it... so yeah, be obvious

[Lola55]

Wow...what you just said made a lot of sense. I am always pretty vague with my approach cause I just assume that they will read in-between the lines and it rarely seems to work. So what should I do next time?? Just go up to some guy and tell him that I find him attractive?? I feel like that might be weird!! But than again, at least he would know exactly what I was thinking!

[RufusDawes]

See now what it is like to be a man. You approached some men, and nothing happened. Cry more Noob, Its fine learn to play, working as intended. "insert girly name here"

 

Perhaps the so called "creepy guys" are actually in the same mind set as you. Perhaps what might benefit your situation is to give some of them a chance. I'm not suggesting you lower your standards I am suggesting that you abondon your standards completely. As for approaching guys I cannot think of anything less attractive. Just lean against the wall next to the alright ones and look hot. If that doesn't work why not just take what is on offer. C cause the creepy guys walk away all its not my fault i look a "insert antiwoman like typecast/persona here".

[Carnatic]

Wow...what you just said made a lot of sense. I am always pretty vague with my approach cause I just assume that they will read in-between the lines and it rarely seems to work. So what should I do next time?? Just go up to some guy and tell him that I find him attractive?? I feel like that might be weird!! But than again, at least he would know exactly what I was thinking!

 

Yes definitely, I love it when girls do just that to me. We can't really tell any other way (with the exception of a few experienced individuals), maybe because we're all stupid, perhaps also because we not used to being approached, we receive no advice when we're growing up of how to tell if a girl is interested in us other that just going up to her and finding out directly.

 

He might be a little taken aback how to approach it depends on what judgement you make of him before you approach him, does he look like he'll be fairly shy and you have to be take the edge off the shock of being approached by a girl by feigning a bit of shyness yourself or will he be the kind of guy who you can just be out with it with... as it were.

[Batya33]

Look - if it really is true that you just want to have fun, then you should be putting in the effort and asking guys out/calling them/pursuing them. Most guys will not turn down "fun." I think you are having a problem doing this because deep down you don't just want to have fun - you want a man to approach you, court you and take you out on a date he plans - that is, treat you like a lady, not just like a fling. It is almost impossible to have both - sure he may treat you like a lady in order to get you into bed, but that's about it.

 

I've never really dated just for fun other than maybe on club med vacations (and even then . . . not really just for fun) - what I did was went over to a guy, started up a conversation and then asked him if he wanted to take a walk on the beach. I would never have done that if I wanted a real relationship or to be treated like a lady. We had a lovely evening together, kissed a little bit and the next day or so he pursued my friend instead which was fine with me.

[Lola55]

No, I hate to break it to you but I definitely just want to have fun. I honestly know that if I wanted something more the last place I would be looking is at a bar. I am not in relationship mode at all. I am taking some time out to be single, no strings attached, end of story. I will admit that it is one of the first times I have been feeling this way so thats why I am here asking for advice...its very new to me and I am kinda lost. I am loving every minute of it though! Keep the advice coming everyone...the weekend is fastly approaching! haha.

[Carnatic]

I honestly know that if I wanted something more the last place I would be looking is at a bar.

 

Really? I've been looking for the right girl for ages and I always hope I might bump into her in a bar... am I looking in the wrong places? (I'm in plenty of societies and the like too but I get much more variety in bars)

 

Back to the looking for a guy just for a fling. I'm not entirely sure how he would behave having never had a fling myself or been the kind of guy who wants a fling. But Batya has a point that if it's just a fling then he might not want to be particularly romantic, and if he does it might just be cheap tactics to get into your pants. It is true that a fair number of guys I know only feign being romantic to get laid. I'm assuming you want a guy with a good personality too and if you go on any dates you want them to be genuine, even if it is just a fling I'm assuming you don't just want sex as you mentioned doing other things together and you probably don't want to just be a conquest to him. Probably best that you're striaght up with the guy from the start, find a guy who will actually enjoy the relationship outside of just the sex and let him know what you want from the relationship and how long it will last.