I Feel Stupid Posting This

[Majoraslayer]

Just because this forum's here, I guess I might as well.

 

I can no longer see a good reason to keep living. My friends, my family, and the love of my life have all stabbed me in the back and left me for dead. I have no one, so no one would miss me if I was gone. All I have left in this world is the constant pain of thinking of her with him. Love is an illusion, and it is God's ultimate plan to destroy the life he created. I hate suffering from love, and if I knew there was any chance I could ever fall in love again I would kill myself now.

 

Either way, I'm on the verge of taking my life. It has no purpose; I've lost my long-term goals, and I have no one to console me in my times of pain. There is no longer anyone around I can trust, and no one wants to help me. As I'm now alone in the world I see no good reason to stick around where I'm not wanted. If there is a painless way to take my life, I would love to know it.

[eMICHELLEa]

People don't deserve trust. I have gotten so close to ending my life in the past..There is a reason to live. I know you don't want to love again...But one day there might be someone you do care about that needs you. I don't know about you, but I put everyone before myself..I don't really think anyone cares to much for me but I stick around just for the chance that I might help someone else. People aren't perfect, but I'm sure several people would be better with you around. I'm sorry I can't help you stop feeling so numb. I promise you God has no plan to destroy what he has created..We are his creations and he has given us the free will to destroy ourselves and others..Oh and about the painless death.. when I wanted to kill myself the pain didn't scare me becasue the emotional pain was worse than anything and I felt I deserved it. Basically...you shouldn't end your life becasue others are to stupid to stay in it.---

[nottoogreen]

Hi Majoraslayer,

 

Good you post this, we will try to help you. This time, I try to console your pain.

 

Life is created and goes on until destroyed. That's life!

 

What's important is to enjoy and lengthen the duration.

 

You answered your problem in a way: broken excpectations aggravated by regret.

 

What is depression? Depression is a mental pain caused by an imbalance between expectations and ability. To make the pain go away, one has to improve ones ability (do better) and/or change ones expectations. In other words, to avoid depression, one ought to balance ability and expectations. Balance is it, as so often in life. From: Wicked

 

Keeping this in mind, please post your unmet expectations, and we see how we can resolve the imbalance.

[thursday]

Please view my thread.

 

I know I know, it's not the same situation, but just read it.. it might help!

 

There is no longer anyone around I can trust, and no one wants to help me. As I'm now alone in the world I see no good reason to stick around where I'm not wanted.

 

I know this exact feeling, since my ex banned me out of her life _forever_ and didn't care at all. There probably are very few people who actually care about others in the end. Well, at least ex'es! I hate her for what she did to me and if she does not ever ask for forgiveness I will just not care about the b*tch (yeah I really do hate her now) at all and even hope she ends up the same as I, abandoned. There is however some hope on good people, here on enotalone for instance!

 

Keep posting here whenever you like, don't get too stressed up by things in your life going wrong. There will be better times, you just have to get in control again! As NTG says, resolve the imbalance! Let's just try, ok? You have all the time in the world!

[sumguy]

You're only 18 Mayjora, there's time for things to pick up and get better.

 

If your old goals no longer apply, set new ones. And for the happiness you felt before when you were in love, would you really sacrifice the ability to feel that just to avoid the pain?

 

Killing yourself wont solve anything, it'll just make you dead. Chin up, hang in there soldier, keep on trucking. tomorrow's a new day, and things will pick up.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

You know within you that suicide isn't the answer, I don't even have to convince you.

 

You already know.

[Majoraslayer]

It is an answer; whether or not its the right doesn't really matter after its all over. But I'm probably not going to do it anyway.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I didn't say it's not AN answer. But it isn't THE answer. There's too much wastage on this earth already for that.

[Spugly Fuglet]

It is an answer; whether or not its the right doesn't really matter after its all over. But I'm probably not going to do it anyway.

 

 

Suicide is not an answer,

it is the end of Questions

and as such is the end of all hope.

[Bethany]

At times like this, we ALL need to get up off the floor, dust ourselves down, forgive everyone, trust in ourselves, love ourselves, and find a new goal in life.

Just because everything has been ripped from beneath your feet, doesn't mean there's no hope to stand on. There is always hope of brighter days and the sooner we take the route of self healing through acceptance and forgiveness, the sooner the sun will rise again on your life. Think again, my friend, this will pass.

[Daddy Bear]

there is a relatively painless method of suicide, but i'll be damned if i'll tell you. your work on this planet is just beginning, brother. there are many people who would give anything for a helping hand in a moment of kindness, and you are going to give it.

 

ya heard?

 

always remember this: the finest steel is forged in the hottest furnace.

 

now come on, let's go hang out in the Off Topic forum and have some laughs.

[FoxLocke]

Heart break is a major word that rhymes with witch...

 

Trust me, we have all been through it. You will get through it.

[Spugly Fuglet]

What we are all saying here is that life some times can be very hard, and the bad news is its ment to be like that to teach us how to deal with the big things we will all have to face latter in life. For me I look at thows times as moment to find out just who I am, It can very very hard to stand when all thows around you are fulling, but still I stand alone if need be.

 

I have in the past been the lone voice saying that some thing is wrong and I have no dout that I will again. I can only do this throw faceing what you are now and finding in my self the strength to get up and keep walking.

 

I find now grate joy in the world around me becouse of the hard times, the black days that have pushed me down so often. Each time I get nocked down like the old boxer I get up and walk out into the ring to get a beting once more.

 

In the end it comes down you being just to stubben to fail.

[RayKay]

Either way, I'm on the verge of taking my life. It has no purpose.

 

 

The purpose of life is to find your own purpose. It won't be handed to you...so instead of wasting your young life, find a purpose.

 

I've lost my long-term goals

 

Same as above, make some new ones then. Seriously, I am sure MANY of us have found our goals changed in life and learned to adapt and make new ones.

 

It's never over, it's just a new beginning.

 

and I have no one to console me in my times of pain. There is no longer anyone around I can trust, and no one wants to help me. As I'm now alone in the world I see no good reason to stick around where I'm not wanted.

 

Then get out there and find ones whom you can trust. Given the people whom have responded to help you here, I find it hard to believe you are not wanted, or that no one wants to help you.

 

Believe me, no heartbreak is worth breaking the biggest heart of all - your own. Life is a gift, unfortunately it seems to be that only when someone realizes that it's also fragile do they learn to also make the most of it in every day.

[Majoraslayer]

Well, I didn't do it, and the realization that I came out on top in this situation has helped a lot. How did I you ask? Simple.

 

I recently graduated high school, I'm going to college starting this fall, and I have a decent ACT score of 25. Already I have an ETA certification (CSS), a good job at Kmart, a GPA of 3.54 on a 4 point scale, and women are attracted to me in case I ever decide to go shopping for another one. Without the burden of a relationship, I can be emotionally independent and I can save more money.

 

She, on the other hand, is a failure at life. Her grades have been horrible all through school, she never even bothered to take the ACT, and she would never have even graduated high school had I not been there to talk her out of dropping out. She'll never go to college seeing as she doesn't qualify for any reasonable scholarships, and she can't even handle a job at Burger King. She can't drive, and she doesn't have the sense of responsibility enough to be anything more than a lady of escort on the street corner. Instead of staying with me and having the possibility of a bright future, she went with a toothless redneck that was homeschooled most of his life and never has any intention of going near a college. Chances are, if she ever thinks about it he'll tell her life without college is fine. If he ever gets a job, her irresponsible immaturity will probably run him into losing it. Currently he has no job or education, and he's a year older than myself. To make things even better, the last time she left me to be with him he left her to be with HIS ex and rubbed it in her face.

 

So yeah...I came out on top, and the justice in that is just too awesome. I'm not going to kill myself so long as doing so would lower myself to their level, or perhaps even surpass it.

[nottoogreen]

You see, there is always a reason to live. Dont worry, I *once* convicted myself to death on 22 counts of gross stupidity and am still around.

 

One piece of advice though: The way you talk about your ex, you want to work on *your* personal growth to a) Chose a better partner and b) Not to look down on your partner.

 

We always will be here for you.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Majoraslayer you are now where I am, My true love blow me out for my best mate at Uni. It crushed me broke me in two and I have never gotten over it.

 

But in the pain and hate I found a will to make myself better than them in every way I could. I now have a garte job doing film/tv VFX, Im doing my PhD

at UCL, I have a garte house and my wife is from china and loves me as much as I love her which is all the love I can give her.

 

She moved all of 20 miles from here place of bearth, near his mum and dad, she has a dead end job in a dead end city and has done nothing with her life, this after she pulled me apart about me not going to amount to any thing.

 

For teh last 13 years I have driven myself to be and do all I can, I came here to grow even more and I have.

 

I hated her with such a pastion and a part of me aways will, but what I found now if that I needed her to do this to me so I could be who I am now.

I needed that pain to push me to work as hard as I did just so that if ever we met again I she would see what she throw away.

 

What Im saying is use your pain, take it into your self and make it you goul in life to be better. Hate can be good and I know many will say to you as they sayed to me that is will eat you up but thats not true.

 

You can have new loves and treat them well even with this pain and hate.

No its all about never ever stopping until you get to where you wont to be.

 

For me I dont use the pain and hate any more but I have got into the habbit of working hard and trying to push my self to do as much as I can.

 

If you wont deep in your hart to achave garte things that set your mind to it and dont let any thing get in your way until you get it or find its not what you need any more.

 

But heres some day to day help

 

I have posted this befor it my help here to.

When I’m very very bad, I remember the French veterans from WW1.

 

A British officer was once sent to command a group of French vertarens who he was told where know as “Dog Solders” for there look and there smell, he stud on his 1st day in front to a group of men who had been fighting for 4 years in some of the most horrific battles along the front.

 

He told them they where to march to a town some 27 miles away. Not a man moved, shocked he turned to a French officer and asked him to order them to the town. The French officers walk to the road and pointed to a tree stump some 1/3 of a mile away. “We will march to there!” to a man the French Solders did, once there the officer again pointed to a point up ahead and said the men they where to march there.

They did this for the whole 27 miles, The British officer once they where there asked of the French officer why he has do as he had.

 

The French man looked deep into the English mans eyes as said "They have been fighting for so long they don’t wont to know where they are going only how to get there, show them that and they will walk with you into hell”

 

That’s the way I get by when its bad, I just walk and do not think.

[hopeiseverything]

Hey buddy,

 

Somethings in life are meant to happen. Sometimes you wish that they never happened, but they do. Sometimes you don't need it to happen - but after the occurrence you realise that it would have been better if it did! However they always happen for a reason, and it is the discovery of the REASON as to why events in life happen that will take time and often be very painful.

 

Majoraslayer, I litterally broke down crying when I read the following verse from Khalil Gibran - I recommend you read this and some of his other works too (link removed. I recommend you read "The Prophet" it will really open your eyes to a whole new world of understanding...

 

Joy and Sorrow

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."

 

And he answered:

 

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

 

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

 

And how else can it be?

 

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

 

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

 

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

 

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

 

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

 

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

 

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

 

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

 

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

 

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

 

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

 

That quote is taken from link removed

 

Don't ever feel stupid posting ANYTHING friend - and always remember

 

HAVE HOPE for HOPE IS EVERYTHING!

[Spugly Fuglet]

hopeiseverything is right in song and art there can be grate hope, ask your self how many times dos music help when your down.

 

good post hopeiseverything good to have you on ENA.

[Majoraslayer]

I felt kind of stupid posting this because I wasn't really sure I would consider myself suicidal. I mean, I didn't really know of a painless way to do it and I wasn't determined to try unless I found a way to do it painlessly. The main thing was that I was WISHING to be dead, and I've been on the brink of suicide before so it seemed best to cover the bases anyway.

 

The realization that killing myself would be kind of stupid anyway kept me from getting all that close, but I still wanted to stop living.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Are you saying you wont to stop living your life as it is now, you know your dont have to a cristition to be born again, all you have to do is deside to kill off all the bad parts of your old life, just walk away from it and start over. If its a chuse beween that and death then killing your old life is always better.

[Majoraslayer]

I don't want to stop living anymore. There's way too much money and progress left in my life to be made, and 20 years down the road I want to see where we all end up. I know that if I don't die, I'm going to strive for greatness in the electronics field. My accomplishments thus far are really something I'm proud of, and I don't think I'm such a bad guy.

 

She, on the other hand, has completely treated me like * * * *. Its not so much that I've lost her as she gave me up. The guy she chose over me sure as hell will never amount to anything, and she lacks the ambition to even be able to withstand a job at Burger King. I don't see myself as better than either one of them, but I DO realize that I'm working on achievments on a level that they could never hope to come close to. Its not because of who they are; its because of the choices each of them make, such as being completely irresponsible and lazy.

 

I'm proud of myself, and I plan to shoot for the stars for my future. They, however, both refuse to work toward a brighter future for themselves and are doomed to live tough lives. Ten years down the road she can look at what I've pushed myself to achieve and see what she could have had, then karma will kick her in the FACE. I won't really care though; by then I may have even found a new love that she could never have matched.

[Daddy Bear]

hmm, it's starting to sound like you dodged a bullet with her, isn't it? you seem to pretty much got your mental act together, and it could very well be that she would have only dragged you down.

[Majoraslayer]

Oh, I'm sure of it. She works at Burger King (or did last I knew), and one of my friends went up there a few days after we broke up. While my friend was eating, she apparently was asked to stay over a few minutes to help with pre-close. Now, before we broke up I was always giving her advice on how to handle her job responsibly.

 

Her reaction to being asked to stay over just a few minutes (10 at tops) to help with pre-close (wipe off tables, etc.)? She stomped around back in the kitchen crying. I would say it was because of the breakup, but she always acts like that. She's.....a psycho, and had I stayed with her she would have eventually driven me crazy as well. Loving her was, in and of itself, an emotional abuse for me.

[nottoogreen]

Have a look at this: link removed.