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I'm feeling really strange right now...it's been a week since the I-lost-the-loving-feeling-but-I-still-care-about-you breakup (4 days NC except for a voicemail from him about his class schedule), and for the first few days I've been a teary-eyed mess...but today something snapped and I have this strong sense that he's going to come back to me and that we'll both put in the effort to start a new relationship with each other. So I'm strangely happy and optimistic -- and normally optimistic isn't even a part of my vocabulary! Is that normal at all? Has anybody else had that emotional experience? Or am I going out of my mind?

 

Also...I've been skimming some breakup books and articles...all of which tell you to remember how special and wonderful you are...So I can't help but wonder, are most relationships so bad that people come out of them with shattered self-esteem that's in dire need of repair -- the dumpees, at any rate? Is it that unusual to be dumped yet still be happy with yourself despite hating the missing-him-like-crazy situation you're in?

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....but today something snapped and I have this strong sense that he's going to come back to me and that we'll both put in the effort to start a new relationship with each other. So I'm strangely happy and optimistic ...

 

This is called denial. The average stay in this stage of the grieving process varies.

 

Salt

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Also...I've been skimming some breakup books and articles...all of which tell you to remember how special and wonderful you are...So I can't help but wonder, are most relationships so bad that people come out of them with shattered self-esteem that's in dire need of repair -- the dumpees, at any rate? Is it that unusual to be dumped yet still be happy with yourself despite hating the missing-him-like-crazy situation you're in?

 

You will undoubtedly go through a little bit of low self-esteem when you have been rejected and that is normal in any situation.

 

Your resiliency - how you bounce back from it actually will have a tremendous effect on the shape of your character in the end.

 

Take some time and look at this as an opportunity to do what you always wanted to do as a single person that you could not otherwise have done being in a relationship.

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Welcome to the roller coaster ride, your moods will change on a daily basis.

 

Yihaa, lol!

Now seriously, I couldn't say this better myself!

 

BTW, there's nothing wrong with feeling optimistic, feel as optimistic as you want to be. I would however stay in strict NC (forever), he called it quits, so just leave it at that! If he changes his mind first weeks/months to come, still ignore him. Take a year off from the idea of a relationship! That's what I would do though

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I don't think you are in denial, I think it's just part of getting used to not being in the relationship. I am sure ther were things in the relationship that didn't make you happy, and part of you is relieved that this is no longer part of your life. Of course on the other hand, you miss the closeness of being with someone, the companionship. Then on the other hand, your future is not as filled-in as it used to be, you are more free, you can meet who ever you want and have new opportunities. Those thoughts, feelings are very common after a break up. Your mind is just processing them both at the same time, and the result is that you have moodswings. It will get better. It will be easier to survive the harder days, and the periods that you feel satisfied and happy about your life will be longer.

 

 

Ilse

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