No tattoo for boyfriend************

[Sally00]

My boyfriend wants to get a tattoo (maybe 3). He talked to me about it to see what I thought. I was surprised and kept telling him noooo. That I love him the way he is and he'd just look different to me if he got one. He said we'll always physically look different to each other... we can't always keep the appearance we have now forever. But still... when I look at his arm, this time he'll have a permanent marking. Yeah, you can remove a tattoo.. but there's still a mark on it. It won't completely go back to the way it was. I just think it'll look trashy... He won't look like the same good friend I had and the same boyfriend I have now.

 

He told his uncle about it (he has no tattoos) but he said it's HIS body and he can do what he wants and that he should get a tattoo. I should tell him thanks for the help........

 

I told him it was really sweet that he considered my feelings about this though. I asked him why he asked me. He said it's only because I'm in his life and I'm his girlfriend and that I might accidentally end up marrying him (LoL). So apparently I'm a very important person in his life and I'm part of his big decisions (like talking to me about the Air Force). Then he asked if I would hate him or break up with him if he got one. I said I'll "hate him" but I'll still love him... and that there's no way I can break up with him over something so petty. I'll only break up with him if he cheats on me. And another thing... I don't want him to be a bad influence on our kids someday... like they'll see his tattoo(s) and be like, "Mommy, I want tattoos just like Daddy." I don't want my kids to be thinking it's perfectly fine to be getting tattoos since Daddy has one! Ugh.

 

So, I guess what I'm saying is... Do you think it's wrong for me to tell him I don't want him to get a tattoo?

I gave up and told him he can get a tattoo if he wants... cuz it IS his body. I'll just be... unhappy about it.

[xmrth]

I don't think it's bad that you told him that, especially because he asked you, but also because it's your opinion. He'll decide whatever he decides anyways, whether people are all telling him yeah go get one, or if everyone's telling him no that's a bad idea.

If he's going to get one though, and he's surely made up his mind, help him to pick something that actually means something and isn't just this generic thing. And that it's not just for the sake of getting one, and all that.

[Sally00]

I don't think it's bad that you told him that, especially because he asked you, but also because it's your opinion. He'll decide whatever he decides anyways, whether people are all telling him yeah go get one, or if everyone's telling him no that's a bad idea.

If he's going to get one though, and he's surely made up his mind, help him to pick something that actually means something and isn't just this generic thing. And that it's not just for the sake of getting one, and all that.

Thanks for your comment. He's been thinking about a tattoo for a very long time apparently. He wants a biohazard sign with something written around it (it's in a different language).

[xprincessbugx]

I think you should tell him your opinion but in the end it is his body.

[Sally00]

I think you should tell him your opinion but in the end it is his body.

Yeah, I told him how I felt about it (everything I wrote on my post). ;/

[Dako]

From what gets written here about tatts, you'd think it was a mark of rebellion, not the result of consensus. I'm uninked myself.

[BrokenWingedFaery]

I don't think you're wrong to tell him what you think, but I'd like you to look at your opinions of people with tattoos. His influence on your kids comes from what he says, how he acts, not how he looks.

[Dako]

I grew up in a Navy town in the 50s and everyone's dad had tatts.

Meant nothing to me.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I grew up in a Navy town in the 50s and everyone's dad had tatts.

Meant nothing to me.

In the 50's, dog gamn...

 

---

 

I think you handled the situation fairly. He asked for your input, you gave your opinion, and he's likely going to continue forward.

 

I can understand how you feel about having him set a good example for your kids. But I think that prohibiting your bf from doing something because it will influence the kids isn't really fair. Would you force him to eat all his veggies, not to stay up late, don't drink, don't have sex before marriage, because you don't want your kids to follow suit? Probably not. Why should it be any different with him getting a tattoo? He's an adult, and should be allowed to make adult decisions; same with when your kids become adults too.

 

What's left is how you will deal with the situation if he goes forward with getting a tattoo.

 

It is his body, and his right. But you have a right not to be with someone you feel is "trashy" looking. To that effect, because your beliefs differ it would not be a petty reason.

 

In any case, I hope things work out for you.

[Sally00]

I can understand how you feel about having him set a good example for your kids. But I think that prohibiting your bf from doing something because it will influence the kids isn't really fair. Would you force him to eat all his veggies, not to stay up late, don't drink, don't have sex before marriage, because you don't want your kids to follow suit? Probably not. Why should it be any different with him getting a tattoo? He's an adult, and should be allowed to make adult decisions; same with when your kids become adults too.

I actually don't want him drinking and I don't want to have sex before marriage. I talked to him about it before we started going out. He has completely respected me for that. He even told me one time his uncle gave him a drink and he had one. I can't believe he actually told me that... but he did... so I didn't go all crazy on him. And the sex before marriage deal, he is willing to wait because he loves me. I really feel like lucky to have someone like him (even though he tells me HE'S lucky).

 

Thanks for the input... and everyone else. I appreciate it.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I actually don't want him drinking and I don't want to have sex before marriage. I talked to him about it before we started going out. He has completely respected me for that. He even told me one time his uncle gave him a drink and he had one. I can't believe he actually told me that... but he did... so I didn't go all crazy on him.

Take this fwiw, cuz it's unsolicited advice but you might want to think about respecting his boundaries a little better, otherwise your relationship is going to be strained.

 

Based on what your wrote (it my have just been the word choice) it came accross like you are controlling your bf. You told him you didn't want him to drink...that's not something you can tell someone else. You can choose not to date someone who drinks, but by taking away his choice you are controlling him. Also what you said about not going crazy on him because he told you he had a drink...I'd say having a drink or two shouldn't give anyone the excuse to go crazy on me.

 

I was a controlling person in my marriage, and now I'm divorced. I mention this because I don't want to come accross as being holier-than-thou, I'd just like to share what I've had to learn the hard way.

[Sally00]

Well thanks for sharing.

I don't yell at him or control him. I just tell him how I feel about things. And he considers how I feel about it and since he really loves me, he'll think twice. I mean, we're BOTH underage for drinking. When he's LEGAL, I don't mind him having a drink every now and then. It's just drinking, sex, and tattoos are just issues I'm not quite fond of. We communicate our opinions about everything and work together and compromise. There's no one way all the way through. We'll do anything to keep our relationship healthy.

[InaneCathode]

In the 50's, dog gamn...

 

Lol, class.

Tatt's are ok sometimes. It's what some people are into. If i were to get one, it'd be one that's significant enough, and mentally permanent enough to be able to be happy with when i'm 80 and the tat is 4 times bigger and a great deal more floppy than it started.

[arwen]

You can tell him what you think but you can't stop him from doing things that he wants himself. That holds for tattoos, but also for drinking. Not for sex of course, because if you don't want that before marriage, that is YOUR choice

 

My bf has 8 tattoos, and I love 'm.

 

Ilse

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

What happens if he wants something more major than a tattoo...you'll be in trouble then.

 

It's just a tattoo, dude!

 

 

Mind you, I'm biased. I'm getting BAIRN tattooed on me sometime between now and August 11th

[Momene]

I don't know whether this is an advantage or not BUT:

 

1. You are right in that if a partner changes their appearance in a way that you find them less attractive, it's not a good thing

 

2. He's going to be in an environment where just about everybody else will have tattoos and anyone in the military who stands out as different will have a hard time from both the NCOs and their peer group. So he's right

[RayKay]

I think it's his body, and his choice.

 

I also think telling him you'd "hate him but love him" if he got one is very...confusing and kinda immature to be honest....maybe you won't like that he got a tattoo, but not sure why that would affect how you felt about him. It would not change whom HE is.

 

Honestly, I think a better answer would of been, you personally do not like tattoos, but feel it's his choice to make. And if he chose too, be supportive and even help him choose a design. I don't know, I just feel the way you did answer was a bit manipulative - maybe not intentionally, but the way it came accross was a "if you get one, I won't feel the same way anymore...so you better not".

 

I think if somehow a tattoo made him less attractive to you, and suddenly had you feel he was not the "good friend & boyfriend" he was, there is a problem.

 

I have two tattoos, I have NEVER dated someone who had a tattoo however (by chance, not choice!), and no one has ever had a problem with them. My boyfriend sure does not consider me "trashy" for having tattoos (if he did, he sure would not be my boyfriend either!). I am used to him NOT having a tattoo, however if he CHOSE to get one, I would be fully supportive and excited for him.

 

Really, your boyfriend is an adult and has the ability to choose. He obviously cares how you feel as he asked you what you thought, but I think you have to be careful there.

 

P.S. I am not sure that whether your parents have them or not affects your decision to get them. None of my parents have any tattoos or piercings, I have the two tats and a belly piercing (and ears of course). I have a friend whose father is heavily tattoo'd and they have none...etc).