Big mess

[loneliestever]

I don't even know where to begin, this makes little sense because I never even met this person.

 

I'll try to give a brief background, we started talking daily and he had severe depression issues so I tried to help him, that lasted 2 years, in that time I felt he used me for emotional support but I didn't care. He always complained about his life and how great other events were, he did thank me for the help but it was clear I wasn't doing much.

He made promises to me about meeting or talking and he never followed through with them. Then, when I broke up with my boyfriend one of the things I got from him was a "I see you are about to break down but I have to go see a basketball game with my friends".

It seemed like I was always used (can't tell, he was there many other times), and yet he said horrible things about everybody near him and those were the people he always gave time and stuff to.

 

Well after I thought I had enough I sent him a rather nasty mail saying how I felt he had only taken advantage of me and not to call me his friend because I had been just his doormat.

I never heard from him again and that was months ago.

 

The problem is this, I have been visiting his MySpace and he sounds so miserable!, it's clear I fancy him and mixed with the lots of poems and things he has written about me (about taking me for granted) I feel like I want to apologize, maybe I was too harsh on him?, I feel bad that even if he has a lot of anger and sadness towards me he hasn't sent a reply, I can't tell if he is sincere, he thinks I let him down and broke his heart by making him believe I had been his friend, but I know the ball is in his court, what went on here do you think?.

 

I'm confused, I don't know if I messed him up, if he is only a liar, a fake, a taker or if everything I said was uncalled for.

[MummyToAnAngel]

How do you feel deep down? You should do what your heart tells you to do. If you think you was in the wrong then make things right. If you really feel he used you, but still want to be friends, then let him do the running. Like you said "the balls in his court."

[loneliestever]

Thanks for replying.

 

I don't know how I feel, in a way I feel I love him as much as you can when you don't know the person. He said he felt the same, so I don't know if he wasn't able to act like a caring friend because of his depression or because he's a selfish user.

 

But yes, you are right, I should let him do the running.

[Bethany]

But yes, you are right, I should let him do the running.

 

I agree too.

 

If he made you FEEL used, taken advantage of, and like a doormat then you definitely did the right thing.

 

You have told him how angry and hurt he has made you by his behaviour and if he cares anything about you he will get in touch and put things right. Let him do the running. A few gestures on myspace to pull on your heartstrings and get you back without an apology doesn't even come close to putting things right.

[loneliestever]

Bethany, your words are so accurate, I also suspect he's leaving those messages on MySpace to get a reaction out, but I also don't want to think he does things for me.

 

There's this feeling that I shouldn't be waiting months for an apology or an explanation, I should walk away completely, then I feel so weak and wonder all sort of things like if I'm asking too much or not being a true friend.

I don't want to settle as his "give all friend" anymore, but we were so similar, had so much in common, it took me years to find him, I panic when I feel I'll never have this chance again and maybe I threw it all away.

 

Thank you very much for the advice, it makes sense he's the one that has to do some work for the friendship now.

[langford]

"You have told him how angry and hurt he has made you by his behaviour and if he cares anything about you he will get in touch and put things right. "

 

Exactly,and in the words of the messiah dr phil 'you teach people how to treat you'

[loneliestever]

I guess I taught him to treat me really bad then... I accept it, but I didn't feel I should be demanding, he was supposed to be having a hard time after all.

If I should be teaching lessons I would just ignore him if he spoke to me again, but it may not be necessary, I don't think he will.

 

I rambled Thanks for the advice langford.