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Dealing With Girlfriend And Her Ex Husband

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Hey all,


I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one on here who has dealt with this sort of issue. I've been seeing my girlfriend now for about 4 months, although we dated in high school many years ago. Her divorce was final about 2 months ago. Everything has been going well. We have a blast together and have yet to have any sort of major fight or argument. We have both shared that we have very strong feelings toward one another. By the way, she has a 14 month old child, who is great. The child loves me to death and I think she's great too. Our relationship is almost like our old high school flame rekindled...though we have both grown up quite a bit.


Anyway. During her divorce and until very recently, her ex husband wanted nothing to do with the child and he is still far behind on child support. My girlfriend showed nothing but anger and hate toward him. He's gone to jail etc... Now all of the sudden he is calling all of the time wanting to keep the baby, which is fine. It would be ideal if he could be a responsible parent. I realize that this guy is always gonna be a "player" or "factor" in this relationship if we stay together. There is no getting around it. But she has started to talk to him longer on the phone lately and he has made it clear to her that he wants her back. He calls all of the time. The other night she got sick and the baby was at the house. She thought she might black out so she called me but I was sound asleep and never heard the phone (1:30am). She was gonna have me come over. Since I didn't answer, her ex was next on the list. She called him and talked to him at 1:30 in the morning for 15 minutes until she felt like she wasn't gonna pass out again. She said he kept asking to come over and she said no.


I almost wish she wouldn't have told me she called him. She has a million friends and family she could have called. Is this anything to worry about at all? I don't want to ever feel like I am in a competition with her ex husband. I don't need that. But I understand he will always be around and they have a history together and a child together. Blood is thicker than water. Any advice from anyone who has been through this sort of relationship? She doesn't have to worry about my ex...

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Well lets not forget, he is the child's father. If he has turned his life around and changed his attitude now so that he can be a good parent to the child, then I think you should see that as a tremendous positive. It certainly is the best thing for the child.


This is no slight to you, there is absolutely no reason you cannot have a tremendous relationship with the child as well. But you will need to realize what your actual role is as far as the child is concerned and it is a stepparent. You are NOT the child's parent. So she will have to have a continuing relationship on a parent to parent level with her ex in order for things to work out for the best.


I don't see anything in your story that leads me to believe you are in competition with her ex husband as far as her attention and affection goes. So I think you should rest easier that she goes out of her way to reassure you that you are the most important thing to her. As long as she's keeping you in the loop on her conversations with her ex husband then you are in good shape. It is only if she starts hiding them from you that you should be worried.

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