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When is friendship a quasi-relationship?

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I am new to the forums here, but might as well jump in with both feet.


"Allowing" a friend to have a relationship is NOT a friendship.


Saying that you will no longer be someone's friend if they become involved in a relationship is NOT a friendship.


You do not own each other in a friendship.


It sounds like a controlling, manipulative, quasi-relationship to me.


And I'm sorry, Luke -- but if I was in her shoes, I would tell you no, too. I don't want ANYONE in my life that would tell me who I could be friends with. Period. Maybe that's why she told you no? Or maybe she's just not interested in you that way, and is thinking of excuses.

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  • 1 year later...

I can relate to the idea of ordered and allowed. Essentially working with another human being in a relationship there is always an unwritten contract that you've entered.


I think you guys are more than friends and you need to be a man and claim it as such. Take her on dates.

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That is an awful lot of "rules" for a friendship.


Can I ask- Why do you even need rules ?


And if she's already shot you down- what do you think making these rules will accomplish ?


If it was me, I'd be incredibly turned off and want nothing to do with you.

I can't see many women agreeing to these standards.

It's too much to live up to and will eventually fail because life is unpredictable- How can you promise not to meet someone and want to see them ? Or that another friend might need to be made a priority one day ?


I'm sorry but-

I don't see this working out Luke.


Throw the rule book out the window !

Friendship should be fun and exciting associations, too many rules and it becomes like a job. You should be able to be yourself and have fun.

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Luke, I'm glad you seem to have found someone who you like. And who's a virgin.


However, you know what you're like with rules. You put so many on yourself...if you start putting rules on this girl like you put on yourself, she won't want to stick around. And I agree that it sounds like you want a relationship with this girl but you don't want to say that to her - hence wanting to be friends with her but putting all these constraints on her to maximise your chances of her wanting more than friendship from you. That's a big risk and it's manipulative. Not to mention sending her some very odd signals.


I'm curious...how are you getting on these days? Have you seen a counsellor since you posted on here a while ago? How is your home situation?

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  • 3 weeks later...

The person subject matter of this thread has ceased to exist since 2006. Caterina replied to an old thread and bumped it up.


It turns out that I had a limerance with this person and it ended badly with us both mutually anihilliating each other in a nuclear war. (metaphorically speaking of course)


In the year 2006, dozens of threads were written and many posts were written about her because I never knew where I stood with her, or what I wanted from her (i.e. to convert her to my faith, friendship, relationship, have sex with her) and when I got back from Italy I found out she went with another guy in September 2006 -- she felt I didn't trust her -- and I just lost it.


I still think about this girl sometimes, mainly because I've expressed myself to her in a very weird way that is way out of my normal character, but think this is a closed chapter.

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Is she DEAD?


You didn't kill her, did you Luke?


No, in my mind she no longer exists, just like I don't exist in her mind.

Heck, I probably didn't exist in her mind when I knew her, I guess I must of came to my senses later that year to reliaze, she just didn't care and I was deluding myself that there was a connection.


I haven't written her since November 29, 2006 and have moved on since -- offically -- although the ghost of her memory continues to haunt me until this day.

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You know it's funny this thread was bumped up not long after I made a post on a dating section about something that I did on November 2006 on a sex personal site and I was quite detailed about it, but this was the girl in question that I was talking about which 'broke my heart' and was the premise of going on that site to get 'sexual healing' from the heart-break. I know the person who bumped this up doesn't know anything about it, and it's just a weird coincidence.

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