Is he really that bad?

[never_enough]

Hi everyone,

My bf and i have been together for over a year, and we love each other so much and plan to move out soon. have kids later in life and get married. But we have trouble in different area he likes fishing and camping and the outdoors and im more like the indoor city gal. We fight all the time coz he doesnt wanna do what i wnna do or i dont wanna do what he wants to do. We do compromise but there is always still fights and nitpicking. These are the things that i luv about him

 

*My bf is loving,

*buys me gift here and there,

*is there for me when im upset (sometimes lol)

*makes me laugh,

*he does not cheat, he has been cheated on by his ex and knows what it feels like so he is very monogamous,

*he comes and whenver i need him,(later that night ofcource lol)

*He doesnt do drugs of any kind

 

but when it comes to not liking each others stuff and always fighting and nitpicking i wonder is he really that bad? he has problems too but like everyone These are his:

 

* He is always late like between 15 minutes all the way to 2 hours so its hard to no when to expect him.

* He tends to put himself and his hobbies before mine

* When hes with me he does all the he need to do at home like clean ect, but when he spends his free time ie not with me with his friends he doesnt use that time to do that instead he does it when he's with me

 

I have had other bf's and they have never treated me with respect and my bf does. I hate to sound like a whinging woman i just want to no what this sounds like to u. Does he sound like a good catch we love each other so much just the fights are just constant. Thanks for any advise.

[southerngirl]

Think of a relationship as TWO LIVES being shared. I think that there should be a understanding and compromise reached. Neither one of you should change your interests for the other person. Think about it, this sounds like a great guy. He sounds like he cares about you. If the worst of your problems is that he is interested in fishing hunting etc that is pretty good there.

 

I think that about the cleaning and such when your around? He feels comfortable around you as his partner.. This isnt something that men do with eachother. That is actually a good sign (to me anyway) that he is serious about your relationship. Its almost like nesting. He isnt putting on an act with you.

[now_better]

first off, i love your avatar picture. is that real? i like to keep the picture open in a corner of my desktop, makes me happy to look at it.

 

second, your b/f sounds like me when i was w/ my ex. i have been perpetually late my entire life. it runs in the family. also put my hobbies above her which pissed her off on many occasions. act too comfortable around her... i just felt very comfortable around my ex i think to the point where i took her for granted.

 

i think if these things bother you, you should let him know. then when he does makes you happy by making slight changes, you should let him know how much you appreciate it + reward him (like a dog, hehe). the most important thing is not to keep things bottled inside. it'll eventually turn into resentment -> disrespect a couple years later.

 

also, often times when you guys fight, try to take a step back and look at the big picture of what you guys are fighting about. sometimes, there's no point to sweat the small stuff.

[never_enough]

ok thanks but i have a new problem lol. Last night i was trying to talk to him about our problems and how i felt etc, it was late at night about 9:30pm he said he was tired and i said can we talk about it tomorrow he said "yeh whatever" at this poin t i was already crying and this response made me alot worse.

 

I was like " dont u care about working our problems out?" and all he kept saying was "im tired i have to work morrow" but the fact that he had dismissed my feelings till morrow and seeemed liked he didnt even care really hurt i cryed harder and harder for about 10 mins he just told me to come to bed and he didnt no why i was so upset.

 

I tryed to tell him but then his anoyaness became anger and he ended up shouting and throwing a tantrum coz i kept crying and wouldnt stop his response was "u no how angry i get when im tired" Dont get me wrong he would NEVER and i mean Nver hit me ut he has an anger problem only when i wont drop a situation. But last night for some reason i couldnt drop it the tears kept flowing and eventually i decided to leave but he said "please dont go we'll talk about it morrow" so i managed to hold back the tears and wait.

 

My question is how do i get my bf to see our problems without him getting all huffy and angry and me crying and sad? I try not to cry but once he gets all angry thats when i start to cry. Please help i love him so much and he loves me but our love is dicintgrating i need to save it.

[Momene]

I don't like to discuss problems when I'm tired and feel if I'm forced to, I'll get impatient. I'm also careful not to discuss controversial topics when my wife's not in the mood either. I must say I reduced my fishing when I got married and stopped completely when our daughter was born. I have to admit I really miss it, though and knew that if I started again with reduced time available for it, I would just feel frustrated that I wouldn't catch the fish I did when I had more time.

 

Tough one, I agree.

[now_better]

why don't you ask him out on a date and take him somewhere, dinner, etc... then stroll through the park, sit at a bench. there, he'll have no excuses and will be able to give you his entire attention. there's no guarantees that he's going to change or become significantly different (that's very much a decision people have to make for themselves). however, at least you'll be able to talk to him w/o distractions. often times at home or other familiar surrounding, when people feel like avoiding the subject, they will turn to their routine (or at least that's what i did).