For those in relationships...

[lonelyheart1996]

For those of you in good relationships, how do you do it?

[RayKay]

When you are secure and happy with yourself as a person (i.e. love yourself) you tend to make better choices when it comes to relationships and be much better at nourishing healthy relationships.

 

And when you meet someone on the same level, well, it falls into place as you are in it together as a team. And that is when it all just....is. There is still effort involved of course, however even in that effort there is...joy...because you are a team.

[lonelyheart1996]

Raykay...I'm 100% with you. Unfortunately, I just left a relationship a year or so ago, and now I'm ready to start treading the waters of dating again.

 

My good memories of my relationship were great, and I'm glad I experienced them. However, I always have the cloud hanging over my head in regards to previous mistakes.

 

What are some good tips to abide by?

[Lady Bugg]

I think it's good to first..KNOW exactly what you want from a partner.

If you don't know what you want you are likely to accept a mediocre relationship.

 

Also ...set boundaries. Know what you will and will NOT accept in a relationship..and stick to them. Anyone worthy of being with you will respect your personal boundaries. Example: You will NOT tolerate ANY form of abuse, or someone cheating on you. Let these be known UP front..and that if they occur you will end the relationship and never look back.

 

I feel these are simple but yet VERY important things with having a healthy

relationship.

[lonelyheart1996]

One final thing also: How do you deal with "feelings" you may have for somebody outside the relationship? We're all human, and fantasies are natural. In the long term, do these fantasies stop (or only involve your significant other)? How do you deal? do you tell your partner?

[shes2smart]

Ditto what RayKay & LadyBugg said.

 

The better/healthier the relationship you have with yourself, the better all other relationships in your life will be -- romantic relationships, friendships, work relationships, family relationships....

 

If you know where you want to be relationship-wise, you're much more likely to get there than someone who goes with the "wait and see where it goes" theory.

 

Don't know about anyone else, but I've found as I've gotten older, I just don't meet very many people who spark my romantic/sexual interest anymore. That could be because I have learned to view people more realistically than I did when I was younger (when I was wearing some rose-colored glasses with really thick lenses)...or maybe I just have a better handle on the type of person I'd be compatible with and have discovered that's a really narrow field. I didn't get married until later in life (a few weeks after my 38th birthday), and I did a fair amount of dating prior to that. So, just from those experiences, I know there isn't anyone else I'd be more interested in than my husband. I seriously doubt there's another man in the world who could make me a better offer in terms of what my ideal relationship is than the man I'm already married to.

 

The last giddy-head-over-heels crush I had on someone happened when I was 32. Come to think of it, it was 10 years ago this summer.... I can't say that I miss having those wildly giddy out of control crushes, because life sure has gotten easier when not at the complete whim of one's hormones. They sure were familiar territory for me from the age of about 15 up until 10 years ago, though

 

But if you're still prone to having fantasies/crushes, I don't think there's any harm in it --- as long as they stay in the thought realm. Just because you have various feelings/thoughts doesn't mean you have to act on them. That's part of choosing to be in a commited relationship -- you make honoring that commitment your priority over following random attractions and flirtations. Kinda like passing up dessert when you're still full from dinner....you might want the cake, but you don't have room for it, and if you go ahead and have the cake anyway you'll just make yourself feel crappy.

 

Telling your partner would depend on what your particular relationship is like. With some people in some relationships, even expressing a passing interest in someone or commenting that some celebrity looks good is cause for a big screaming fight. In a different relationship with a different person, talking about others one may be attracted to is fodder for a good talk that ends up bringing you closer to your SO. It just depends on how secure each partner is -- in themselves, in each other, and in the relationship.

[HellFrost666]

I would call mine a good relationship, but honestly I don't know how we do it. We just click really well I guess.