What do I do now? I'm lost.

[shallow_facade]

Hi all. I'm Grant. I can say I've learned alot of things from this site from just visiting occasionally. I found it a few months back when my friend needed help with a personal problem that I wasn't sure I could handle on my own. Now I find myself in a different spot.

 

This is alot for me to share, and you'll soon see why. I'm 27 and I've done everything to a T. I went to college, got good grades, got picked up for a job, the whole 9. I've been goal oriented my entire life, and I'm now managing a team of advertising consultants, half of whom are my age or older. I've made out good while young, and I've done it on my own. I'm told by peers that this is the epitome of living, having such a good job at a young age, making the kind of money that I do. But in the past year, things haven't gone well. I've stabilized where I am, and at the same time, destabilized my entire life. It's like I've become bored with life. I've bought everything on that little wish list I made when I was 5 (15, 20, and 25). But I find myself going out to bars maybe 4 nights a week at least, cavorting and what not. I've been taken in by the police 4 times in the last year for drunk and disorderly. In April I destroyed a car on the highway doing about 120, and barely walked away from the accident. It's like I can't stop, I just have to keep indulging myself. My life is going from my clean cut job to whatever reckless thrill I can find that night. And it's all okay if I make it in to work on time and get my job done.

 

I guess this isn't really a career question, but I didn't know where to put it really. Thanks for listening.

[onewithbooks]

wow. Are you just bored having all that you have? Or is it like thrill seeking? I am a bit lost with your post. I would love to have all that you do, and I cant understand why you are risking to throw it away.

 

Although I will say this, maybe, you are just tired of being the golden child and now this (subconcisously) is your time to rebel. I went through that too. I understand that. I just dont want to see you kill yourself in the process. Maybe its time to take a long vacation and really evaluate what you want out of life.

 

Take care of yourself.

 

L~

[shallow_facade]

I guess I'm looking for guidance. I have, on a materialistic level, achieved what I want. Yet there's still something that I feel I need to fulfill. It's like I'm looking for something, but I don't know what. I wouldn't necessarily deem myself the golden child, because I've always known how to have fun, I've just done it on a responsible level. Lately it hasn't so much been that way. I'm sorry if I'm not making much sense here; I'm probably as confused as you are with all of this, and this is something I have never shared with anyone. I am not one to make the people in my life deal with my problems, but at the same time, it feels like I am out of control.

[onewithbooks]

I am glad that you found enotalone. I do understand what is like to not feel in control of your life. I understand also about never sharing this kind of stuff. Before I found enotalone, I had a difficult time sharing with my friends my issues. Being here makes it easier to talk things out.

 

You said that you are looking for something to fufill you. Are you looking to feel more whole? Have you tried volunteer work, or working with kids? I understand that can be very rewarding. Also you havent mentioned it, but do you have a SO that you can talk to about how you are feeling?

[shallow_facade]

No SO. The women in my life tend to follow two trends. Women who bore easily (and all of the repercussions thereof) and women who turn out to be a bit unstable. I've never done anything with children, because frankly, I don't like children. I do work with animals though, mostly horses. It passes the time, but that tends to be my description for most things in my life these days. I took all of April off of work, after my accident, even though I hadn't actually been injured. It was enjoyable, and I did get to do some of the things that I had been putting off, but at the same time, I received one of my D&D's on that vacation.

[onewithbooks]

It passes the time, but that tends to be my description for most things in my life these days.

 

 

It just sounds like you have lost your passion for life. Is there anything that you do that makes you feel rewarded? For me personally, I am in school and getting good grades makes me feel good, I also like to read and write. Do you keep a journal? That might be a good way to monitor this stage that you are in, and by going back and reading your entries might help keep some of this wild streak in check.

 

Frankly, it sounds like you are on a seriously destructive path, and that worries me. Maybe its time to seek some serious counseling? I know that is a huge step, but sometimes its taking those hard steps in our life that really wind up being the most beneficial.

[talo]

You say that previously you've had fun on a responsible level and that lately it hasn't been that way.

 

Perhaps you are really questioning at depth where the 'responsible level' is? In other words, what do you _really_ want to be responsible for?

[melee18]

sounds to me like you haven't really found your life's purpose yet. you've done everything in life that society tells you you have to do in order to be sucessful - go to school, get good grades, get the great job, make lots of money to spend on the material things we dream of, climb the corporate ladder. the problem of this view of sucess is that is not always the path of life that is going to make us the most happy. it seems like you've gotten to the point of having everything you thought you wanted only to find that it doesn't fulfill you at all. hence the need to live dangerously and try to find fulfilling in the world.

 

it's so curious to read your post - i'm reading a book called "your money or your life". it's mostly about how to achieve financial independce, but in doing so it takes a look at why we spend money on the things we do. it discuss how many of us have not really found our true purpose in life, our true passion and thus are not truly living life to its fullest despite all the material things in our life we might have to suggest otherwise. it really reminded me of your situation.

 

i'd do some soul searching - it sounds like you did some during your month off after your accident. what did you find?