I feel so lost :'(

[Sinead]

Im sitting here at work typing in my pain. I feel agitated,irritable, stress levels are huge, I have a huge lump in my throat, my eyes have this constant water around them. I just want to go home, stay there and cry all day until my ex turns into a man for once and calls me. My post about my ex is on this link:

 

 

 

My friends and family are telling me to "move on" but I cant and I honestly dont want to. I just drag myself into work cos I have to, I reluctantly put the make up on and look my best to hide my pain and to fake confidence. I love my ex and i know he has changed from a good guy to a bad guy but I love him so much. How can I ever trust a guy again? How can I ever put my heart on the line like that again? I hate this pain, this feeling of loss, of emptiness, of having freaky nightmares.

 

I just wish my ex would realise how good I have been to him and find his heart back to himself and back to me. I just cant believe this is happening.

 

[chai714]

Sinead,

 

Sorry to hear about your day.

 

I know how tough and annoying it can be to have people tell you to "move on" when you're still emotionally hooked on someone.

 

Regarding your ex: don't ever count on him "realizing" how good you were to him. This may or may not ever happen. I can understand wanting someone back in your life and thinking "everything would be fine if he/she came back." It's easy to get stuck in the hopeful phase post-breakup.

 

What I found productive was to keep myself busy. It might help you too. It's ok to sulk around the house, cry, get pissed off, or any other emotions. Go ahead, let it all out.

 

Afterwards though, be careful about getting into a pattern. I found that keeping a journal, working out, hanging with friends, reading books, volunteering at a hospital, and spending time with family to be an overall good balance. For you, it may be different. The key here though is to keep yourself busy.

 

You may even consider taking a few days off of work. You sound like you're still in shock from this whole thing - which is very normal by the way. Anyhow, hope this bit helps and hang in there.

[Sinead]

Thanks Chai714

 

I think i may still in shock.i just never expected him to not even contact me for nearly 3 weeks! I just feel he's an ungrateful spoilt little boy.

 

I would love to take some days off work.Was thinking of it. I have a sort of an indigestion disorder at the moment.I never become that unwell.It started bout a week before the break-up. Stress is not helping it. im on tabs for it and I feel so alone. My family are in dublin for a few weeks which is a help and i have two or three close friends. Im working monday to thursday 1 to 10.

 

I just feel very panicky at the moment and I feel like this burning indigestion sensation that comes into my chest now and then is gonna lead to a heart attack or something. Part of me is scared about that but a bigger part doesnt care. I just feel like i have come to the end of the road now.I just dont have the energy for life anymore. Dont worry im not gonna end my life cos im a religious person and its against God and i feel its a selfish act. But i just have no interest in anything anymore.

 

I mean if this is the price one has to pay for giving their heart, their soul, their everything to a selfish evil person who just throws it back in their face, whats the point of ever finding love? im 29 and i just have to accept that i will never settle down in my life.

 

I just need to get out of this parochial country im living in! you know i think i will in a few months. Save up my money, get visa sorted and just go!

[futychick]

Hi Sinead

am so sorry you feel like that..

I not much help due to my own problem...but I do know that feeling that you feel you have come to the end of the road...its not suicidal thoughts its just complete exhaustion and not knowing where to go next..

I too have panic attacks that make me think im going to die...

i know this is all consuming but i just take every minute of every days as it comes...

I too am wanting to move away...get away ..from the memories..have a fresh start...thats scary in itself but i really think i will do it...i feel so trapped here now...

try to take it easy on yourself..all you are feeling is a reaction to the break up..its s*** I know and im not going to say the obvious..like you will feel better in time cos at the moemnt i know you cant take that in..

 

my thoughts are with you sweetie..

 

love and hugs futy xx

[now_better]

i agree w/ chai. when i broke up w/ my ex 2 months ago, i was at the lowest point in my life. and when you're that low, it's dangerous to stay there. i made myself more physically active, seeked out friends, looked for things to keep me busy, tried to better analyze the relationship, write down things i'll do in future relationships, make goals for the future. the most important thing is to move on. it sounds like he absolutely did not appreciate you for who you are. and at this point in your life, he might be "sufficient" for you, but do you really want to sell yourself short?

 

a common theme you'll find in these forums is "you are the prize." be self-confident, THEY are the lucky one to have you, not the other way around and treat yourself as such. you were a great g/f and if he didn't see that, it's his loss. let him try to go replace you, he'll see how much he misses you when he does. and you? you'll be living life high with or without someone because you're comfortable with yourself. another common theme here is "you are responsible for your own happiness" and this is infinitely true. it's great to have a SO, but you don't NEED them to live. i think it would be helpful for you to find your inner happiness during this time.

[Daddy Bear]

i'm sorry to learn about what you're going through. i know how overwhelming these times can be.

 

it is a very rare biography that includes no chapter on heartbreak. the most likely scenario is that you will find love again and you will look back on this as a painful but valuable learning experience. it takes time, but you're still very young. you will land on your feet, no question.

 

for now, i hope that you'll be kind to yourself and will do what is best for your own physical and emotional well-being.

 

"may the road rise to meet you, and may the wind be always at your back."

[Sinead]

Thanks all of ye.

 

I hope someday i will throw this false hope in the bin and be happy. At the moment im walking around work like a time bomb. Had dinner and cut my finger with the knife and the language that came out of me!

 

Im just going from tears to anger the whole time. My ex is the most horrible person i have ever known. There is a huge part of my that hates him so much for the way he treated my kindness throughout the rels. i dont know what goes on in someone to make them turn on you like that. If he didnt want me he should have broken off wit me long ago.

[chai714]

Sinead,

 

Being rejected by the person you love is probably the most painful thing known to humans. It plain sucks and it's normal to feel worthless, low, and your self-esteem really can take a blow.

 

Anger, frustration, confusion, panic, depression - all are common emotions. I've been through them too and so have millions of other people in the world and many on this forum.

 

I know you're 29, thinking that you'll never find anyone again and that there's nothing more in life. Believe me - your life is far from over. I am living proof that life can get better and you will be too.

 

To put your situation into perspective: there are many people whose marriages end after 20+ years. The person who wanted to stay married is left shocked, often times with children, and much older than you. Heartbreak happens to all walks of life. There will always be a risk with making yourself vulnerable by loving someone else, but it's always worth it because even if you get your heart shattered (not that it's fun!) - there's always something learned.

 

Good to hear your family is able to visit you. Reach out to whoever makes you feel good and talk about it as much as you want.

[Sinead]

Im trying to keep myself so busy. Thank God for work. I finish work at 10 tonight and im gonna be so down cos the forums are keeping me going. I feel i have an anchor in these forums. I dont have the internet on my laptop at home&wont have for another 2/3 weeks. Internet cafe is solution but for short periods cos it is expensive. I have things happening over the weekend but I would love to just put my laptop on my bed before sleeping and look at the forums.

 

I love eNotAlone. This place really does help. Its gonna be a hard weekend without it.