Trusting Issues??

[SniperPenguin]

Im 18 and my girlfriend is also 18. We've been together all of our senior year in High School. This girl makes me feel like I could marry her and be with her forever. Ok so me and my girlfriend went through alot of stuff lately. She came up to me after us being together for 8 months. She told me that she doesn't find me "attractive" anymore.

 

Granted I'm not Mr. GQ but I never thought looks mattered in a loving relationship. We have sorted it out, and she explained what really ment. I choose not to work out all the time, and I quit my job because I wanted to have a clear schedule for school, then could work around it. She thinks that if I dont want to do that stuff now, I never will. She tried to tell me that because I have a few problems with some choices she wants to make (I.E.)(Getting a very large tattoo for an inspirational guitar player "Dimebag" and unattractive piercings in her ear that constantly get irritated and bother her) that I don't love her. I just fear for the future we, I hope will have together and that she may regret inking her body for someone she might not have such deep feelings for in the future. She loves me but she says she needs her freedom in our relationship.

 

I've spoken to her friends about it and they think that because I want to see her everyday that it is obsessive and un-natural. That I should hang out with my friends more and not worry so much about her. Anyway, I feel I need to be with her because she is really everything to me. She has recently been hanging out with drug user friends, and she wants to hang out with a guy who I was friends with a long time ago,whom I know is a womanizer and can get any chick he wants to in bed with him. Well in between me and her were broken up for a while. He kissed her and she had the "hots" for him as well.

 

She wants me to be ok with her hanging out with him alone, 3 hours away from where we live. She wants to travel out of town to see a guy who she had the "hots" for about a year ago alone. She also has these friends locally one in particular who smokes alot of pot. not that this really matters at this point. But she ditched an invite from me to hang out and invited this over to watch a movie tonight instead. She could tell I was not comfortable with this guy hanging out at my girlfriends house till 3am. She got off work and went to see him at his work till 11pm then said she was not going to come see me but watch this movie with him.

 

This seriously devistated me. I wanted to see her and she would rather spend the night watching a movie with this guy. I dont think she has feelings for him, but what would be the reasoning behind her choices to see him and not me?

Any help you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Am I jealous, can I get over this? Does she have feelings for another guy?

I really dont know but its tearing me up inside thinking she could want to be with someone else.

[arwen]

Hey Penguin,

 

I am sorry for your situation. I don't think you are overly jealous, I think the behaviour of your gf is out of order. It's rude to say she doesn't feel attracted anymore, then still continue the relationship and hang out with other men instead of you. I wonder why you consider marrying this girl, honestly, a relationship can be SO MUCH BETTER than you are experiencing right now.

 

Ilse

[SniperPenguin]

She wanted to break up with me, She said that I would be happier with someone else. But I cannot see myself with anyone else. Everyone checks out other women and fantasizes about being with them, I have really tried to do those things with my friends but I just can't. I only love her and only want to be with her.

[rms8]

It doesn't sound like your gf is invested in your relationship...

You have every right to be jealous. She shouldn't be ditching her bf to go hang out with sketchy guys all night. I think it might be time to cut your loses here. You are very young and there's always other fish in the sea. I'm sorry for your situation but I think you need to try and detach yourself from the situation and really examine it from the outside.

[RayKay]

I honestly think you are being a doormat honey, and I do think you are rather needy and dependent, and more in love with the idea of what you want her to be, rather than what she really is - because she is showing you whom she really is.

 

I know it seems like she is the "only one" for you, but I have to say you are very young, and will be relatively inexperienced to be able to make subjective decisions like that.

 

It's great you show that you are a committed person, but you should not put your love and investment into someone whom is clearly demonstrating they are NOT committed to you. You may feel she is "the one" but honey, "the one" is the one whom feels the same of you, not someone whom feels it is acceptable to ditch her bf to hang out with sleazy guys.

 

Believe me, this is NOT what relationships are about, or how they should make you feel.

 

I hope you do end things, because you really need to learn you deserve better and that you should never sacrifice all your needs in a relationship and partner for someone. In the future, remember a relationship is a partnership, between two individuals. You should never give up your entire life - friends, passions,hobbies...all that does is make you dependent and needy and well...kinda boring to be honest. If someone falls for you because of whom you are, why would you change that? But most certainly there should be great respect and love between you, and lying, ditching your partner for other guys, trying to break it off then not just to keep you around but 'dating' others..sorry, that is not love.