NC does'nt seem to be working, not my end though.

[theproman23]

Ok, someone please give me the exact definition of NC. I got dumped about 3 and a half weeks ago and I've been going with NC and I felt better but since the break up my ex has called me about 5 times and i've seen her once for about 3 hours. Now she's called me twice in the past 3 days and today to come see me (I had surgery about 2 weeks but she knows that I am feeling better especially since she saw me for 3 hours 4 days ago, we "talked"). I made up some reason why she can't come by which she bought and now she wants me to call her later. She really wants to be friends with me, on one hand I miss her so much that I want her to be part of my life someway but on the other hand I've lost respect for her and don't want to melt and go crawling back to her. I am confused. I feel guilty for wanting to have it both ways. For some reason I can't seem to tell her to get out of my life as I said I do miss her a lot. Someone please suggest what to do?

[annie24]

NC = NO CONTACT! No letters, e-mails, phone calls, text messages, meeting in person, voice-mail, CDs, messenger pigeon, messages sent through friends, myspace messages, IM, telegraph, radio song dedications, NOTHING.

 

What to do? Just tell her that now that you two have broken up, you wish to move on and requests no further contact from her. If she tries to contact you again, block all communication, delete all e-mails, etc...

 

good luck

[lilac_indi]

tell her to leave you alone! plain n simple! like annie said if she doesnt get the message then block all communication

[enivel]

NC is a tool to help you heal... it's all about your comfort level. If you feel that every time you see your ex, your heart jumps, you think you can't get over her, and you still care, then you need to keep with strict NC. If you feel that you have truly moved, perhaps you are into someone else and honestly don't care one way or another, you can break NC. If she contacts you and you can't prevent it, just be brief, polite, and cut it short. NC is not about punishing someone else for leaving you, it's about healing and stopping anything that prevents you from healing and feeling good about yourself. If you still feel good about yourself after talking to her, and this isn't holding you back, there is no reason for NC. But most people think they are fine but aren't. Because you are even on here and asking about this, you are not ready to move on because you are not yet in a state of apathy.

 

Just my opinion, but the entire purpose of NC to rebuild your self-esteem. Ideally a lot of us would love to remain friends with someone who we feel comfortable around, but in reality it can't happen, at least not now. Also, if you do NC for the purpose of revenge, you really are going to burn bridges for the future because the person will know that you are trying to make them jealous or trying to punish them.

[theproman23]

My reason for NC is nothing but to heal. I don't see why I would need to seek revenge, simple fact was that we were'nt suited for each other. I feel about 90% comfortable being around her but I just don't want to get to the instance of caring for her again. I really feel like she's been contacting me so much is because I hav'nt contacted her at all. I feel like it's that whole wanting want you cant have crap. I dunno she called me last night and I was honestly getting bored doing all the talking. I feel very confused right now.

[enivel]

My reason for NC is nothing but to heal. I don't see why I would need to seek revenge, simple fact was that we were'nt suited for each other. I feel about 90% comfortable being around her but I just don't want to get to the instance of caring for her again. I really feel like she's been contacting me so much is because I hav'nt contacted her at all. I feel like it's that whole wanting want you cant have crap. I dunno she called me last night and I was honestly getting bored doing all the talking. I feel very confused right now.

 

I'm glad you're doing it for yourself. The thing is that we have trouble admitting sometimes that we are weak because we want to be strong. Honestly I think you still care a lot more than you know. It's your call, but continuing to break NC makes it very difficult for some people to heal. I just think that if you really didn't care you wouldn't even feel confused or be on here asking for advice. Just my opinion, good luck. It's nice of you to want to be her friend.

[DN]

Here is a very good definition of no contact: