new relationship... scared...

[antkojm1]

First of all, I'm gay and the new relationship is with another guy. If you have a problem with this, go away.

 

I'm a few months out of the longest relationship of my life, 4 1/2 years. I posted alot about it on here. I'll add a link to my posts later.

 

Anyway, I've been dating alot. I've met someone I'm very interested in. He lives on the other side of the country. I've been talking to him online for a while, and decided to meet him while I was out there. We hit it off very very well, like we were instantly joking and laughing when we met. He was only supposed to spend a day with me, but wound up staying the night and spending the next day with me too.

 

I am planning on moving to Seattle. He lives near portland. I'm not moving for him, it really is just a coincidence, believe it or not.

 

The problem is, this one is special. I'm terrified I'm going to do something that will screw it up. I don't want to be obsessive, but I don't want to be too distant. I just don't know how to handle this. My last relationship things were kind of forced because of the situation, and we just worked things out.

 

I think I pissed him off last night. I was at the airport trying to get home, he called and I called him back, but had to cut the conversation short. I called him back later, and had to cut it short again. Finally, once I got home and everything ready for work the next day, I was ready to concentrate on talking to him and nothing else. When I called, he was just getting into bed, and he didn't sound happy.

 

I'm seeing him again soon, I'll be flying out to Seattle sometime in the first 2 weeks of august, and he'll be coming up there for a few days with me. That is, if I don't scare him away.

 

One thing I'm slightly worried about, is that he was unable to look me in the eye much, unless he was talking. I know that when I'm unable to do that, it means I'm forcing something to be there that isn't.

 

Opinions? How should I go about this?

[lady00]

Why do you think he was upset? I guess I'm not sure from your post what you think you did to upset him. Could it be that his mood didn't have anything to do with you?

[arwen]

Hey antkojm!

 

First of all, I am glad you are moving on from your last relationship and recovering! It IS scary to enter a new relationship. Even if there is more time in between, you have a history, and experiences that influence your perception.

 

You are afraid you scared him away. I don't think that is true. You were in the airport, not the greatest place to have a deep conversation, and even if he was a bit irritated, he will soon realize that it's not your intention to be brief on the phone.

 

About the looking in the eye, when was this? From early on or on later meetings? I think if it's always there, it could be shyness of just his habit. Since you are moving there for different reasons, you can just take things slow. See how things go in August (that's like 2 weeks away, so you have little time to scare him ), then see how it is when you are in settled in Seattle.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[antkojm1]

First of all, I am glad you are moving on from your last relationship and recovering! It IS scary to enter a new relationship. Even if there is more time in between, you have a history, and experiences that influence your perception.

 

Yeah, but I've learned alot from it, and I look forward to using what I've learned.

 

You are afraid you scared him away. I don't think that is true. You were in the airport, not the greatest place to have a deep conversation, and even if he was a bit irritated, he will soon realize that it's not your intention to be brief on the phone.

You're probably right.

About the looking in the eye, when was this? From early on or on later meetings? I think if it's always there, it could be shyness of just his habit.

My trip out there was the first time we had actually met in person. When I like someone like this, I get alot of emotion from just looking at them and saying nothing. I don't know if the same thing happens with him or not. I'm sure time will tell whats really going on.

Since you are moving there for different reasons, you can just take things slow. See how things go in August (that's like 2 weeks away, so you have little time to scare him ), then see how it is when you are in settled in Seattle.

Thanks for the advice =)

 

This is us btw...

 

 

 

 

link removed

[miserableme]

I don't have anything to say about your situation but I will say this...

 

Both of you are incredibly good looking! I am really jealous that you are gay. Why does that always have to happen?

[Chloe_111]

I dont look people in the eye very much. I get shy a lot.

 

When someone is looking me dead in the eyes i feel really awkward and confronted. If i really really like someone and they are looking at me... i get really really shy. But thats just me

[Backstroke03]

I dont look people in the eye very much. I get shy a lot.

 

When someone is looking me dead in the eyes i feel really awkward and confronted. If i really really like someone and they are looking at me... i get really really shy. But thats just me

 

 

Agree with this, some people feel too much eye contact is confrontational. I wouldn't read more into it, and just see where this takes you. Sounds like a promising start.

 

 

Good luck.

[antkojm1]

Thank you everyone for the comments and advice.

 

Here's the latest... After I emailed him, said I was sorry for calling back so much so late, but that also I didn't like talking on the phone that much. He replied back with... "No need to be sorry I totally understand. Besides I don't really like talking on the phone much either. But it is nice to hear your voice."

 

Yay. Happy. We've been exchanging more email and IMs. Last night we spent 3 hours on yahoo IM, talking about ridiculous things that I would have the hardest time trying to explain to anyone else. And then he sends me "I can't wait to see you again Joe. I'm flexible so you pick a date and I'll be there. Seattle will be a blast. Especially cause this time I'll be more prepared. *KISS*"

 

Now all this is fine and good and makes me happy, but I get the impression he's being reserved. I don't know what it is. He did tell me that he prefers not to say anything if he doesn't know the right way to say something. Sometimes I just find lack of words really scary.

 

BTW if you're wondering how the h*ll I met someone on the other side of the country -- link removed -- like eharmony, only they're ok with gay people.

[lady00]

It sounds like he's into you. Try not to worry too much about his seeming reserved. I think all the signs from him are pointing the right way now. Maybe he's a bit reserved because the relationship is new and he's still feeling things out? Anyway, sounds like things are going well for you guys...don't you just love new relationships? I know I do!

[antkojm1]

I'm falling for him and I'm so terrified. Last time this turned out badly. What's to say this won't?

[DN]

What's to say it will?

 

All relationships have a risk factor. It's the nature of the thing.

[antkojm1]

it just seems to be following alot of the same patterns. Although I have learned alot.

 

I know, I can just feel it, that if we stay together, within a few weeks I'll be a pile of clay, which he can do whatever he wants to with.

[DN]

Only if you allow that to happen. You can make different decisions.

[antkojm1]

Concerns:

 

1. I don't know if its just his personality, or what, but he seems to not express much concern about how I'm doing. I got in a car accident yesterday. When I told him, he just stayed silent. Didn't ask if I was ok or anything.

 

2. We were taking random myspace surveys and sending them to each other. One of his answers: "6)Would you ever take someone back if the cheated on you?

Only if I had no feelings for them and a good use for them in my life"

 

Uhm. * * * does that mean. I feel like there is the potential to be used.

[antkojm1]

My roommate is calling the new boy "Paul part 2". Paul is my ex.

[DN]

Seems as if you have a perceptive roommate.

 

The guy seems like bad news.