He was soooo interested.. then nothing..??

[Rapunzelle]

Met this guy at the club last Friday, he was staring and sticking around up until he finally got the courage to come talk to me. Then all night didn't leave my side, said on at least two occasions he would really love to get to know me better, etc. Said he wasn't married (we're both 38, had been single a while after his last girlfriend whom he has a 15 yo son with, etc.) We exchanged telephone numbers and all, and here it is Wednesday and no news. I'm beginning to wonder if he was just looking for a one night stand, but then he didn't try to take me home that night or anything, and why would he have given me his tel #? And he even made sure he wrote it down right, even specified 'this is an '8'' cuz he had hurt his hand playing baseball and was trying to write as good as he could. He said most times an answering maching picks up, so Sunday I called left a message, then nothing. I know he must be very busy, he is a carpenter, he is self-employed and this is a very busy season. How do you explain this? The guy seemed so much into me it wasn't even funny. My sister was watching him when I would walk by and said he was breaking his neck looking at me. And then he did everything to get closer to me until he finally came and talked to me. I did not do any chasing.

 

What do you all think? What should I think? What should I do? I feel really disappointed, I must admit. Might seem silly to some, but I felt like there was really a connection there.

[TiredMan]

Maybe because you didn't do any of the chasing, he was turned off by it. I know I would be. Who knows?

[renaissancewoman101]

I think a lot of men are players and just looking for a "good time" or maybe he was just looking for a ego boost and got that from you since you guys hung out most of the night. Men ask for numbers all the time or give out their numbers all the time and they dont act on it. It isnt you, it's them. Maybe, he was just looking to fool around or just lost his interest after he left the bar, or looking for ego boost.

 

Men are weird. They are hard to understand or comprehend.

[tylercdurden2004]

Whoa slow down girl. Yo met him Friday, called him Sunday and its only Wednesday. Maybe you are coming on too strong and needy. As you said he is self-employed and is BUSY. Jeez man, lazy guys have it sooooo easy.

 

As for him being a player and this is for you and the other ladies. Think I mean really think logically. IF he was a player would he have not tried taking you home then and there? Oh wait hes playing that I wont talk to her ever and somehow I will get laid trick. Works all the time.

[renaissancewoman101]

Tyler, when I referred to the guy as a player, I was saying he was "playing the field", looking for prospects, getting ego boosts from hanging out with women and getting them interested in them, then losing interest.

 

I think the guy gets a high off the attention that women pay him, so he gives out the number to see how many people will call him back. It feeds his ego.

 

I think a lot of men are like that, esp those you find in bars. It is hard to find a meaningful relationship with guys nowadays. So many of them seem to be players or out to mislead the poor woman.

[tylercdurden2004]

Tyler, when I referred to the guy as a player, I was saying he was "playing the field", looking for prospects, getting ego boosts from hanging out with women and getting them interested in them, then losing interest.

 

Huh? You mean dating? As far as I can tell they just met and he is not committed to her. Is he not allowed to "play the field" or is he only allowed to date exclusively from the get go? Yes a player is different. Again using logic if he spent the whole night staring at her as her sister said, he worked up the nerve to ask her for her number, spent a good part of the evening with her I hardly think he was looking for a quick in-out. So what if he is looking for prospects? Everyone should until they become exclusive.

 

As for interest he may have lost interest when she phoned him after only 2 days. It may have come off as desperate which is never attractive. HE is a hard working self made man by the sound of it and probably doesnt want to deal with desparate women. As weel being busy he may not have time to call back ASAP. But I am not sure what kind of message was left on his machine. What was said?

 

And yes Ren there are lots of men that are "players" out there and thats what dating is for: weeding them out.

[Magic_star829]

Hey,

 

I posted a reply before but guess it didn't work. Anyway, him being busy is NOT an excuse not to have called you by now...he could have taken a minute out of his schedule to at least return your call. Bottom line he's just not that into you. I say move on, forget about him, and if he happens to call later down the line, then maybe see if you want to see where things go, but you shouldn't wait around. You deserve better. Good luck.

[Rapunzelle]

Thanks for all your replies. Tyler - What was said when I called? Basically I knew it would be an answ. machine he told me that the machine picked up most of the time. (prolly due to his busy life). All I said was that I was calling on a boring Sunday afternoon just calling to see how he was doing and if he wanted to give me a call I gave him my home phone. Also told him jokingly that if I didn't hear back from him I would take the hint, and left it at that.

 

And when I said no chasing, I meant no chasing. I didn't think it was desperate of me to call after two days, when most my friends were telling me (even guys) that usually a person would call 1 or 2 days later, so I figured since he made most of the moves on the Fri night, I could at least do my part and let him know I was interested in getting to know him too.

 

Tiredman - he did most of the chasing yes, but I did respond kindly and showed interest too once he came and talked to me. We went dancing and talked etc.

 

I also have trouble believing he only wanted a one night stand as he did not even ask what I was doing after or anything, which makes it even more confusing. And as interested as he was, that is why I'm surprised he hasn't called yet. hmm.

[Rapunzelle]

wlfpack81, sorry but I beg to differ. Maybe it depends where you're from, but I met my first husband in a club, was with him for 13 years, my brother met his wife at a club, they have been together over 20 years, and my sister met her husband in a club, together about 14 years, and so on.

 

In my case, I am not originally from here thereforeeee have not formed strong relationships here from my youth or school etc. Plus, I work in an office with 2 other people (both married), and we have no walk-ins. So where on earth is a person supposed to meet someone. The internet is another option, but then again a lot of people also have strong opinions on online dating. If I'm in a club and I'm a decent woman looking for somethign serious, surely there must be some men in the same situation..

 

I'm just curious as to whether guys usually like to 'wait' before they call.. or what goes through their heads..

[Lady Bugg]

Rapun...

 

I agree with Tyler. The guy is probably busy..and I think stressing out less than a week after meeting someone for not calling is a wee bit too soon.

I'd say wait a week..call him ONE more time..and if no response..move on.

You have nothing vested in this guy....don't sweat it.

[Cathy1]

It is not strange that guys do not call immediately.... That's kind of «normal». One guy I met through some of my friends and acquaintances asked my number from my friend and called me after one month! Actually, he texted me. We have been texting for 2 weeks before got together... Then we started dating and everything was ok.

It's just something that guys sometimes do.... That's because they want us to believe that they have other options and they do not want to look needy....

I wouldn't worry about that... But, as others said, don't wait for him to call. And he will call, but probably when you take him off you mind.

 

IF HE WAS THAT INTERESTED ON FRIDAY – HE WILL CALL – JUST GIVE HIM TIME AND DON'T INITIATE ANYTHING!

 

It will be ok.

[Jayar]

Thanks for all your replies. Tyler - What was said when I called? Basically I knew it would be an answ. machine he told me that the machine picked up most of the time. (prolly due to his busy life). All I said was that I was calling on a boring Sunday afternoon just calling to see how he was doing and if he wanted to give me a call I gave him my home phone. Also told him jokingly that if I didn't hear back from him I would take the hint, and left it at that.

 

I think your two biggest mistakes here were a) calling him at all (he should be the first to call you, if he doesn't, he's not interested) and b) telling the machine if you don't hear from him you'll take the hint. No matter how jokingly that was said, it kinda comes accross as "I'm probably not worthy of a call back, but if for some reason you think otherwise that's great..." I know you didn't MEAN it to sound that way, but IMO it does.

 

I don't know if he'll call you. Maybe he is busy. Maybe he met someone else at another club he likes better. Who knows? In any case I'd not call him again, and if he calls you and asks you out for a real date then go ahead if you like. Next time you meet a guy, give him your number and don't take his. There's no reason for YOU to call HIM pretty well at all near the beginning of a relationship.

 

Good luck!

[tylercdurden2004]

Yeah he spent ALLLLLLLLLL night watching her finally getting up the nerve to talk to her, hanging out with her for a good portion of the night, just to soothe his ego? Man this dude really is a hard worker.

[TiredMan]

I agree with Wlfpk. Though there are exceptions sometimes, I would never want to be with someone I met in a club or bar.

[Rapunzelle]

Tks - funny how opinions differ. Jayar - maybe he met someone at another bar? Maybe, but unless he's full of * * * *, he said he did not go out very often, the last time he went to that bar was like 2 years ago. If he's telling the truth, going to a bar 2 nights in a row would be unlikely, but then again maybe he's full of it.

 

You also said - next time give him your number and don't take his. My sister actually told me the opposite, take his number this way YOU have control. When she met her now husband, she took his number but didn't give hers out, she called 2 weeks later. Guess it depends how you look at it.

 

Also saying it was a mistake to call him first, maybe it was. Again opinions differ as some guys don't see why a woman couldn't initiate the tel. call - especially since he's the one who did the first steps that night we met.

 

Cathy1 - I hope so, he sounded interesting. But I'm kinda losing hope the more time goes by. Not that I'm desperate, I'm just kinda disappointed as I thought he could have been a possible match.

 

Lady Bugg - Not sure Jayar would agree with you on me calling him another time ha ha. I know I have nothing invested in him, if I don't hear from him I won't wait around that's for sure. If something else interesting comes along oh well!

 

Tiredman, same thing I said to wlfpk - other than clubs and online dating, I'm limited. Some people don't believe in clubs, some don't believe in online dating, I guess it's a personal choice. There are exceptions in every case. Going to a club doesn't mean you're a bad person - I'm a great woman with a lot to offer and very faithful and loyal, however I still go to the club when I'm single, and I'm sure there are many more like me. Just like there can be jerks and married people lurking in there, no different than if I were to meet anywhere else, there are jerks and married people trying to pick up in all kinds of places and situations. I tend not to generalize too much.

[tylercdurden2004]

Tiredman, same thing I said to wlfpk - other than clubs and online dating, I'm limited. Some people don't believe in clubs, some don't believe in online dating, I guess it's a personal choice. There are exceptions in every case. Going to a club doesn't mean you're a bad person - I'm a great woman with a lot to offer and very faithful and loyal, however I still go to the club when I'm single, and I'm sure there are many more like me. Just like there can be jerks and married people lurking in there, no different than if I were to meet anywhere else, there are jerks and married people trying to pick up in all kinds of places and situations. I tend not to generalize too much.

 

Agreed. My three longest relationships I met the girls in clubs/bars. All good girls.

 

Sometimes there not many options to meet people. I mean where else can you meet good people in New Brunswick, a riot at a crack house fire?

[Rapunzelle]

I mean where else can you meet good people in New Brunswick, a riot at a crack house fire?

 

Now that wasn't nice ha ha- ever been to New Brunswick? If you ever come I'll make sure to kick your b*** for saying that ha ha - Moncton especially is a beautiful place to live.

[Rainz]

Hmmm, I can understand you thinking it strange that he hasn't called. Like a previous post said there are guys that just want the ego boost by getting a number from an attractive woman. Those were my intial thoughts on it, or maybe he met someone else that he liked, or even maybe wasn't available? Who knows?

When I've met guys they've called me within 1-2 days, or even just hours after. One guy I met once, he called me several weeks later, by that time I'd forgotten about him!!

I think you should just try and get on and try your best to move on from this.

[REDIRECT43]

I agree with Jayar on the two mistakes. Calling him and leaving that message. Big no-no's. Every guy I've called first or tried to initiate plans with dropped me in a heartbeat. It's not necessarily desperate, but the chase is over for the guy right off the bat. I'm not saying this is the case with all guys, but most. And that message definitely screams "I am not worthy of a call back." It screams that your confidence level is down. Men love confidence. Don't call him again, let him come to you. And if he doesn't, hit up the clubs and find someone else. But let him come to you. If he really wants to get to know you, he will call you first. Good luck!

[tylercdurden2004]

Hmmm, I can understand you thinking it strange that he hasn't called. Like a previous post said there are guys that just want the ego boost by getting a number from an attractive woman. Those were my intial thoughts on it, or maybe he met someone else that he liked, or even maybe wasn't available? Who knows?

When I've met guys they've called me within 1-2 days, or even just hours after. One guy I met once, he called me several weeks later, by that time I'd forgotten about him!!

I think you should just try and get on and try your best to move on from this.

 

 

Sure there are guys who "collect" numbers but maybe they are just playing their odds. Nothing wrong with that is there? I mean really how high is your horse if you think after 1 meeting that they somehow owe you something. Maybe he did meet someone else. Maybe something happened mayeb a car accident. Again who knows give the guy the benefit of the doubt. I just dont see if this guy is a "player" why he would wait so long to talk to her and then hang out with her for a significant time and then not ask her to go home with him at the end of the night. I cant see nay court of law "convicting" him of being a "player" because again it dont add up. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty. All you are going on is the fact that he hasnt called YET. I am glad some of you ladies are not cops or supreme court judges.

 

As for guys calling in 1 hour or the next day. Are you still with them? As for the guy who you forgot after a few weeks, its because you werent that interested in him anyways. I mean I still think about girls that got away even years later. Heck I still think of Natasha my crush from summer camp when I was 7 years old I dont think I will ever forget her!

 

Its all about interest level and if its there for you then you wont soon forget a man you REALLY interested in.

 

Again it hasnt even been a week and this discussion is already occurring which just boggels my mind. I mean god forbid this man if something tragic happened (he did say he was a carpenter), heck god forbid him if he has a life outside of the bar or woman.

 

I just cant believe the poop this guy is getting when all he did was not return a call immediately.

 

To Rapunzel. Call him next monday give him one more chance. In the meantime keep yourself busy and dont agonize over such a minor details.

[Cathy1]

I agree - this guy is not a player.

 

However - don't call him anymore like someone suggested - you called - left a message, the ball is in his court now...

Though leaving such a message was not the best idea in the world, for reasons someone on this forum already explained, if he was THAT INTERESTED when you met, what you did should not be a problem.

 

Just be patient and don't initiate anything. If he was that interested when you met, and I'm sure he was - you wouldn't make that up - he will call.

 

Give him some time and concentrate on other things - don't think about him now. And when he calls, play cool, don't be TOO enthusiastic.

But if you want to keep this man, or any man - you should not only play it cooler, but BE COOLER...

 

Good luck!

[Rapunzelle]

Thanks everyone, I agree. I know I probably shouldn't have made that call, it's not in my nature anyway I never make the first moves. That is why I let him 'chase' me on that Friday night.

 

As for him meeting someone else he liked, maybe, but given the fact that there were plenty of girls that night and he didn't even look around makes me think he was pretty smitten. Based on my feelings of that night that would surprise me.

 

Tyler, I know what you're saying. I'm not saying he's a player, I don't know the guy. All I can think of, is the amount of interest he was showing that was so obvious, you would think that if he was so obvious and after me that night, he would have been as gung ho to contact me asap to see me again. All I can think of, is maybe the guy is married and was trying to pick me up for the night. And again logically it doesn't make sense since he hasn't asked me to go home with him, but around here some women are so aggressive that perhaps he thought it would naturally go that way, so his plans were shattered when I went on my way.

 

And the reason for my question initially was simply to try and figure out how men think, what would make a man act so eager one night, and then nothing..

 

The reason I was a bit disappointed is that it was the first time that I 'dared' go out since breakup from my last boyfriend, and felt ready to get my toes wet again, and it felt so good to think that I had already met a potential match which I thought was exciting, and then to see it go nowhere, not knowing why the heck!

 

They say women are complicated. This guy even told me - I'll call you for sure. Again it could be a bunch of crap. Probably is. I know what some of you are saying about waiting a while before calling back, that makes sense, but if you had seen him act that night he didn't give me the impression that he would take any chances by 'playing it cool'. Especially after I left him a message, I figured since I let him chase me that night, by calling him I would show him that I was interested too. Grrrrr!

 

Anyway I'm going back out tonight!! Not holding my breath cuz chances are I won't meet anyone interesting tonight (I'm very picky and that was such a fluke that's why I was sooo excited then so disappointed), but hey.

[annie24]

I wouldn't look deeply into anything. after all, you don't know this man from a hole in the wall! you just met him. you may have said something that turned him off, or maybe there is another girl in the picture and things are taking off with her.

 

I wouldn't have said, "and if I never hear back from you, I'll take it as a hint." I think to myself, "would Heidi Klum say something like that? no." Maybe she'd say, "Hi - this is Heidi, and if you don't call me back, I'll think you're the biggest loser that ever walked the face of this planet." Ok, maybe she wouldn't say that, but I'm sure she'd be thinking it.

 

It's not a big deal, it was just a phone number and a chat at a bar.

 

I know, I've been in your situation also, and it's puzzling when a guy goes to a lot of effort to get your number and all, and then you never hear from him again! oh well... whatever.

 

don't think about it anymore. and if he wants to find you, he knows how to get a hold of you.

[tylercdurden2004]

Great points. And if you want to know what a guy MIGHT be thinking. "Wow this girl called me the next day, and said she'll take the hints. Maybe shes crazy or really desparate."

[annie24]

And to wolfpack and tiredman - I see where you guys are coming from, about not meeting people in bars. I agree and disagree at the same time.

 

I don't think that going to a place, where people are drunk and possibly high, checking out the meat market is necessarily the best place to meet someone. They may just be going out to find a fling, nothing more.

 

But then again, good people go to bars also. If you are saying, "there's no good people in bars" and you go to bars yourself.... doesn't that mean that you are including yourself in the "no good people category?"

 

That all said, I think it's fine to meet someone in a bar, as long as you get to know them OUTSIDE of that situation, when they are sober and in daylight, before you start coming up with plans of who they are Ms. or Mr. Right.