Anyone dealing with depression in a relationship?

[Gogh]

I'm in quite the dilemma here and don't know where to turn and not sure if this is even under the right "heading" so ...

 

My bf is in his thirties and is having major major financial difficuties. He works two jobs, works himself to death and then feels like he has nothing to show for it cause it goes pretty much towards gas (huge truck) and paying bills...etc. Really in depth...bottom line, he feels worthless and hopeless.

 

I could see that he was acting different. I could see that he was stressed big time. Anyway, he has completely pulled away. I haven't seen him in two and a half weeks now. I haven't talked to him on the phone in about a week and a half. He send an email every couple of days.

 

He says that he misses me like crazy. I don't deserve a struggling miserable loser like himself. He doesn't want to lose me but he needs to focus on working himself into the ground and getting back on track. He says he's in love with me and doesn't want to ruin my life too. He keeps asking me how he can still keep me in his life and work the amount he has to to get back on track and still keep me happy. He keeps asking "What do we do?"

 

Last time I talked to him he was sobbing on the phone. He says he needs to say away from everybody.

 

Anyway, I feel like I"m in limbo. Are we together? If we are, when will I see him? Why won't he talk to me?

 

Has this happened to anyone? What did you do? How do I handle this situation? People have been saying just support him and help him. How on earth do I do that if he won't see me or talk to me? Please help me!!!

[BellaDonna]

There is another member whose husband is going through dpression right now too. Her recent post might be of interest to you.

 

 

 

It sounds like you have been supportive so far. I will tell you what I told the other poster- that you have to be very cautious about not making him feel pressured.

 

I think you also need to take a step back, and even though it is hard- Don't ask him for any concrete answers right now about the realtionship because he is not in the right state of mind to make decisions.

 

Is he receiving any kind of treatment for his depression such as counseling? Creidt counseling may also be a good idea. Being in debt can really ruin someone's life and fill them with constant fear and stress. If he has some kind of "action plan" of how to reduce the debt, as well as feel better emotionally, he might feel more "in control" of his life begin to improve.

 

 

BellaDonna

[nottoogreen]

Hi Gogh,

 

Welcome to eNotAlone.

 

I was in a different business but similar situation a few years ago.

 

My reaction after wearing out was similar. Eventually I cut lose the business, fixed my life and got better with time.

 

Now, change is the most painful of all actions at times. It often does not occur until external forces (downturn - gas prices) become overwhelming.

 

One of the lessons I learned on eNotAlone is: One can be a loving healthy partner to ones loving healthy partner. Not much more. People are "loaded" to deal with their own issues and have difficulty to handle exceptional situations and problems of others.

 

Thus, he would need counseling or at least sign up here for advise.

 

Based on my past experience, I am quite interested in resolving depression and have among other useful stuff some ideas here: Wicked. If nothing else, I hope this will at least help you to keep you sanity.

 

We always will be here for you.

[crossroads1]

Hi Gogh

 

If you are still on this site I would be interested to hear how it turned out. I am in a similar situation at the moment, although I am slightly ahead of where you were back in 2006 (if that makes sense).

 

Would be good to hear from you.