Majoraslayer's Status Report

[Majoraslayer]

I'm not doing well. Until today, I had handled things fairly well for the most part but now its getting rough. The purpose of this topic is to vent out my problems and to keep track of my progress.

 

It has now been 6 days since the breakup, and I'm on day 3 of no contact. Until today I was able to mentally block it all out and enjoy some time with family. However, at 4AM this morning I woke up from a dream of winning back my ex. It was a totally unrealstic dream, and to do so would be the greatest mistake of my life. For some reason the dream I had the night before didn't have such an effect on me, but from having a dream such as this two nights in a row I was unable to find the courage to sleep again.

 

So, last night I got about 4 hours of sleep. I've barely eaten anything in the past 6 days, and this morning I couldn't hold down half a bottle of water. Thoughts of death as a welcoming friend crossed my mind, though I tried to push them into submission. After throwing up I feel quite a bit better physically, but emotionally I just HAVE to talk to someone. I'm getting extremely irritable, as my two nieces (ages 10 and 8) are running through the house playing innocently and I feel bouts of anger at every peep they make. In a little over an hour I have to show up at school for a pre-enrollment orientation session, so I'm hoping getting out to do that will help get my mind off of things. The desire to contact my ex still hasn't been much of a problem, but the things I hear of her going back to guys she cheated on me with in the past has made things a lot worse. Why is it that you hear about all the bad stuff on someone only when you don't want to?

[Dako]

Sorry you're struggling with the early stage of a breakup. It will get better and you will find new and surprising things to pull you away from this malaise, but right now you just have to drag your butt through the motions of each day. I'd suggest doing anything to avoid updates on her life for a while so you can tune her out as much as possible. Milkshakes or other gulpable foods will keep you from feeling worse. When you're suffering a loss, adding physical problems like malnutrition just compounds it all.

Eventually your hunger will force you to eat.

 

I found it soothing to keep moving through new surroundings, whether by walking or other means, so an occasional distraction would pull me from my funk. Sitting in front of the tube or listening to familiar music was the pits.

I hope you have some small moments of inspiration. Be sure to look for them, since they'll pull you through the down moments.

Hang in there, it really does get better with the passage of time.

[Majoraslayer]

Actually, the less I've eaten the less of an appetite I've had. Its gotten to the point that I can't hardly look at food without feeling sick.

[Dako]

I sure understand that feeling.

 

You can go a week with little to eat. In time, you'll become ravenous and will make up for it, but keep drinking water. Dehydration will just add headaches and weakness.

 

I ate almost nothing the first week, then was so hungry my roomie kept me from gorging myself so I wouldn't hurt myself. You body will revolt against the fasting. It's a process much like getting the flu, and you just have to endure it.

I truly feel for you. It sucks.

 

I hope your orientation will distract you a little.

[amazing_wierdo]

Everyone will tell you, "don't worry, it gets better." It does indeed! The nights when you wake up at 4 am thinking about her will fade away. I still have bad dreams about my ex, but not about her rejecting anymore. Now my dreams have the gist of me being stuck with her! If you have trouble sleeping don't worry about that either.

 

If you don't feel the need to eat then don't eat! You can go a surprising amount of time without eating. Just don't stop drinking water. In fact, you might want to make an effort to drink more water.

 

I noticed my running, swimming, excercising took a pretty nice leap forward during the initial stages of the breakup. I guess there was a lot of energy inside. Better that you spend it on doing constructive stuff rather than forming tumors.

 

If you broke up with her 6 days ago and this is day 3 of NC then my hat off to you. That is mighty impressive willpower. Keep it up!

 

Don't worry, it really does get better.

[Majoraslayer]

I hope so; in two days I have to work on a register at Kmart for a day. My job is great as long as I'm working on the floor with retail, but on the register there's nothing to do for eight hours but think of whats going on in my life. If I can't find a way to deal with this now, that day may very well kill me.

[Majoraslayer]

UPDATE: I just realized the secret to holding on to my NC if it ever gets difficult; the truth of the matter. Nothing I have ever said to her meant anything to her in the least, and every word she has ever said to me was a lie. What point is there in talking to her? No words can pass between us that will mean anything to the other, except for the purpose of hurting me.

[sky58]

Wonderful how our thoughts and feelings can lead us away from the simple truth of things huh? After a break up, as sad as it may be, talking to the other person is kinda pointless. One of my favorite quotes is from a show called "NewsRadio":

 

Lisa: Just because you end a relationship with somebody doesn't mean you cut them out of your life.

Dave: Oh really? Isn't that actually the definition of ending a relationship?

 

I believe what was said is true. Your ex broke it off with you because they thought you wouldn't be a good lover anymore and cut you out of that aspect of their life. Anyway, rarely do you see people being friends with their exes and it really only works if they both agree to the break up and be friends. Again, rarely does that ever happen. The truth is, if they want to keep in contact with you after you guys have broken up, your ex is being selfish and hasn't thought "Hmm...I wonder if they're hurting". They only care about their own feelings by keeping in touch with you. Keep up the NC and keep reminding yourself what the truth is

[Majoraslayer]

Tonight I had a date with another girl, and it went really well. I think I've made considerable progress in getting over my ex; since the first breakup I somewhat stayed emotionally ready for it to happen again. There are still the bad dreams, but a lot of the depression came from being lonely and only having the breakup to think about.

 

The date went AWESOME!!! We took a walk in the park, rode around to talk, and stopped by the bowling alley to play pool. The end of the night we moved really fast (a lot more so than I would have ever expected) toward sexual contact, but neither of us had any complaints. Maybe we can do it again some time soon?

[Majoraslayer]

Status: * * * *ty. I don't want to live anymore, kthnx.

[lady00]

Oh no! What happened between the date and now that made you feel so down? You seemed so upbeat after the date!

[Majoraslayer]

We broke up. Losing her wasn't too much of a problem; we were only together for three days and didn't really emotionally grow close. But I still feel like a failure at life seeing as how I no longer have that promise of future companionship.

[Majoraslayer]

Things just got incredibly worse. I just learned that the reason she broke up with me was because she cheated on me AGAIN, exactly one year after the last time she broke my heart, with exactly the same guy. She has now given me the priviledge of re-living my worst nightmare, and I'm on the verge of screwing up her heartless plan and not living at all.

[saltwatergirl]

You have to stop torturing yourself with contacting her. I thought you were not contacting? When did you do that, tonite? Why?

 

Salt

[Majoraslayer]

I didn't contact her. All I did was go to my MySpace for the first time in a month to update some details. Her profile pic that showed up next to the old comments she left featured her and him together.

 

Its amazing to see that backstabbing picture next to the text "I love you", which was left there as a message to me. God has a sick sense of humor.

[thursday]

Its amazing to see that backstabbing picture next to the text "I love you", which was left there as a message to me. God has a sick sense of humor.

 

I can see the irony in this yeah. Anyway, God is not judging/punishing/rewarding us. He gave us free will! (btw I was atheïst)

 

When I saw irony in my life, I just laughed and cried very hard for hours on end haha.. wow that sucked. I remember myself just crashing on the hard floor and dying right there, feeling Ultimately alone.

 

At least now I can just laugh and feel like not understanding the whole situation! I'm more in control and believe me it feels better! Don't kill yourself, she won't care anyway, she has the love of her life, remember?! What you need to do is get out of your miserable situation by taking control of your mind!

[Majoraslayer]

Well, today's another day. I find it unfortunate that I woke up again, but there are some things in life that can never be changed once they're done.

 

Today I'm going to lock myself in my room and sulk all day. I have no plans of eating anything for the rest of my life, which will hopefully be a short period of time. She's never cared about me in the least anyway; I want to die for the good of those who actually do care and don't want to see me like this. But I won't kill myself per se; I'll just not eat anything and suffer any consequences that may arise. All control of my mind has been lost; I think I'm going crazy.

[thursday]

Hm, it might seem like all control is lost, but if you can lock yourself up in room for no use at all. Then you have control in some way, right?

 

Just do something more useful! Positive action instead of negative! It costs you the same energy (I know how exhausting it is to feel like crap all day), only you will start to realise you are in control!

 

Even IF she didn't ever care about you, why should you care? It really feels like a big hole in your selfconfidence.. but in reality she is the one letting you down. What kind of person does that? Maybe someone who is not worth ANY of your attention at all. Thus certainly not killing/starving yourself for!!! Wake up! We care about you! I'm sure you are a good person, it's always the good people getting hurt, but you can diminish these feelings a lot!

 

I advice you to take a shower right away even if you feel like it's not going to help. Then go walking outside, somewhere with lots of green to calm you down. Then get back home, eat your favorite food, invite a friend, watch a movie, listen to some music.. do something for you now! It doesn't matter what you do, just don't make things worse by 'locking yourself in your room starving to death'.. it doesn't make sense. She is the one who should feel guilty.. I know, but trust me, she doesn't and she won't ever! Stay strong!

[sky58]

thursday is right. Get out there and start doing things. There is a life beyond her and you just need to get there. You know you're going to be ok and tell yourself that. Hang out with friends, who cares if you sulk, but you need to keep going. She isn't worth stopping your life for. Force yourself and it'll help in the end. Keep going and we're here helping ya out.

[Majoraslayer]

Well, I'm getting a bit more numb. I feel.....old, like I've survived the worst and really have nothing left to fear. That could be a positive, but really I'm too numb to judge right now.

[sky58]

You should take the feeling that you "survived" made you that much stronger. It's understandable why you feel numb. You gave your feelings to a girl which in the end things didn't work out. Be positive. You have no reason to. You're single and well, free from the bad aspects of a relationship right now. Free from arguments, having to worry about another person, etc... Those days will come to an end when you meet the right person, so embrace it while you can.

[Majoraslayer]

Well, I'm doing a bit better now. I've taken on a fun little personal project or two, and reading articles on link removed has cheered me up with some humor from people who have been in my perspective.

[thursday]

Great! I like the site btw

[Majoraslayer]

How do I know I'm ready for another relationship? I get kind of lonely sometimes, and I wish I could find someone with whom I can spend time with, joke around with, and perhaps find certain other benefits that friendships rarely ever provide .

 

The only thing is, I don't really want another emotional commitment. I think love is overrated; it never ends well, and I'm proud of building up this ability to get along without it. No one that is in love will know where I'm coming from, because from their perspective its great.

[Majoraslayer]

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

 

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