Getting Bitter

[Majoraslayer]

Its been 5 days since my last break-up, and I just now realized that I don't care so much about relationships anymore. I feel like that I've been through so much pain and heartache over the past three years with this girl that I'm completely burned out. Love 70% of the time hurts more than it feels good from what I've witnessed, and there isn't one human being out there who isn't capable of infidelity. Why should I try to get back in this same situation again when I currently have the option to drop it all?

 

I guess finding love is just not the priority for me that it once was. After learning so much about human nature, it seems I've become bitter about putting emotional reliance on another human being. My own moral standards prevent me from even LOOKING at other people when I'm in love, and it seems like I'm the only one like that. Everyone says its alright to look and not touch, but being in love I wasn't even interested in looking. Thats just me, and I'm not saying anything about anyone else who does admire other people while in a relationship. But its just a bunch of heartache, often ending with a devestation unmatched by any physical ailment. There are positive sides, as love does come with those wonderful feelings of being with that other person, but there's a 50/50 chance you'll have even worse pains if you ever lose them.

 

Is this healthy? I'm only 18, and already I feel that I'm becoming a bitter old man towards love. If I spend the rest of my life without it, I think it would be a lot more peaceful. The physical attractions will always be there, but for some reason I'm not even physically attracted to a woman that I know would care NOTHING about me.

[Sally00]

Finding love is not a priority for me either. I've been through so much heartache myself... I'm 20. Trust me, I have had plenty of bitter moments with the way guys treated me. I would always say, "I'm gonna become a freakin' nun and forget about guys."

 

I also have the same moral standards when in love. I'm in love for the first time with this great guy and I can't even think about being with someone else. Sure, I can say, "Oh he's cute" but that's about it. I say it in my head, not to anyone else, too.

 

I think it's pretty normal to think this at 18. I always thought about meeting the one at a young age, just like my mother did. But I kept trying to push that idea everytime a guy came along... "Maybe he's the one! Maybe I'll get married at 20 and be happy for the rest of my life, too!" This whole life plan I made for myself got to me. Then came bitterness.

 

But don't worry. You will change your mindset once that special someone comes along. Don't hold back when you're in your next relationship either. Don't let past experience ruin the present. You should thrive from it and learn from it.

 

I think it's normal to feel like this after a break-up. It'll be fine.

[robowarrior]

Well, closing yourself emotionally completely is wrong. You see the normal reaction is interaction with the people around you. You know if someone hurts you , should that make you stop from being alive? What you have to do is to stand above it and bring people in your live who bring happyness. Although that is searching like a needle in a haystack you will find that needle. But there are a few aspects

 

in a relationship that need to be present in order to find happyness. Partners continuesly have to bring love and light into the lives of eachother. Small arguments act like poison to the relationship and can lead to big break ups. Its all in a relationship about being together but still letting eachother do their own thing.

 

Personally if i where you id give myself time to heal, pick up the broken pieces of my heart glue them back together again, and once when your ready you will learn that you have to give yourself a chance, as well as others (although i think there is a limit) i think everbody deserves at least one chance.

[Majoraslayer]

Oh, its not that I'm giving up by any means. Its just that I've lost the desire for relationships. Lately I've spent more time with my family, as I know they'll always be there for me no matter what. We've had fun, and though they don't fill the void thats been left (if they did it would be a whole new problem), I still just don't have the desire anymore to find someone. Being so young, its a virtual impossibility for the next person I'm attracted to to be that all-time one-and-only that will be with me until the day I die. Why subject myself to the inevitable heartache when I can just go day-by-day with a void I've already learned to live with?

 

I'm just bitter when it comes to love. Since I learned what horrible ways my ex-g/f has stabbed me in the back, I automatically expect the worst in any relationship I see. One big reason I'm kind of glad for this numbing bitterness is that I can't see myself trusting another person like I once did her, and that no one deserves the heartache of me being mistrustful for something someone else did to me. Its just not fair to them, and if there's that one person out there who can truly love me I owe it to them to give them the best life I can. If that means never meeting them, then couldn't that be the best gift of all?

[Majoraslayer]

Well, I'm losing some of that bitterness now, but I would still like to know how I can find happiness alone. Perhaps something beyond the obvious like "spend time with friends", or "get a hobby". I want to know some suggestions of how I might mentally condition myself for better contentment. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

[nottoogreen]

To be contend - are you aware that farmers are happier than city people, more so in 3rd world countries.

 

OK, I read some of your earlier threads. Give me an hour please.

 

Carefully read and consider posts 2,3,4,10 and 13 of this:

 

Now, you are 18, not a farmer, what about evaluate what went wrong with your last relationship and consider dating again.

 

If you have anything that angers and hurts you, go ahead and talk.