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Should I be jealous?


adidas7fire
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If you are dating a person, is it "normal" to feel jealous when that person still stays in contact with the ex's? Here's the scenario in short: My bf and I have been together for almost 2 years. His ex one day emailed him out of the blue... she now lives in another state, is married, and has a child. Well, it'll be a month or so in between that they will email back and forth.. however, my bf will email her outta the blue and when he gets a response back, he says that she emailed him first. I know he's told his friends that he says SHE made the first move because he wants to protect my feelings and not start any drama but I don't know whether to take it as him trying to hide something or really not want me to be jealous. What do you think? I mean, how do some people deal with their current relationships still contacting the ex's? I always believed in leaving the past where it was... and moving on... but maybe that's just me.

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I'm like you in that exes are exes and for a reason. However, many people are able to stay friends with exes and some advisors even tell you to be wary of someone who ISN'T in touch with an ex.

 

I guess I'm curious as to how my exes turned out but I'm 100% sure i wouldn't change any of them for my wife!

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I totally agree... I wouldn't get back with any of my ex's for anything. I guess I just wonder when my bf tells me that his ex's were psycho and whatnot... why he'd continue to bring that in his life when we have everything perfect and drama-free. Must be a guy thing, I guess.

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I sometimes (but maybe once in 3 months) exchange one to two text massages with my friend who lives in a different city. We were friends for 4-5 years. And once we were both single so we had sex 2 times. But we were not in love. We just wanted sex. After that we don't hear eachother often and this year while I was visiting his town for 7 days we met only once for a coffie. I guess we know that it's not the best idea to be close friends anymore. But polite message what's going on is still o.k.

 

But I am not in contact with any of my ex'es. I am polite when I meet them but we are not contacting each other. I am actually in a process of giving one of my ex'es the idea that I don't want to be friends with him.

 

it's all about what were the circumstances between your bf and his ex

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He said (as well as his family) that they would ALWAYS get into fights and she went psycho on him... and so they made the decision that for one week they wouldn't contact each other. After that one week, my bf told her that it was the best week of his life because there was no drama and so they split. I don't know... everyone tells me i have nothing to worry about and it's probably mind games going on. Drives me crazy

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And on top of that, he's the type of person that doesn't have any enemy in the world... he's always really nice to everyone but I did ask him to make it a point to let certain people know (other chicks) that there are boundaries as far as me being his gf... but I don't want him to disrespect me or take advantage of me... you know?

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Well than I really don't know why he wants to contact the drama queen. Maybe they get along as friends but are horrible partners.

 

If you are worried about that just tell him politely that you don't like the fact he contacts her.

 

How often do they contact eachother

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I have tried telling him that but he says I am worrying over nothing. I mean, he is entitled to talking to whomever he chooses... but I would think that if he knew how much it hurt me to see this, he'd stop... but then he throws it in my face saying that it's trust issues. I mean, looking back on it, it was over 3 years since she contacted him the first time... and now it's like every month or so. Sometimes I get so mad though that I delete emails she sends because it's like she doesn't care that I'm in the picture now and not her. She's got a husband and child... why does she need to still feel as though she had to keep in contact with an ex-bf, nonetheless??

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don't delete emails. it's not nice to do so. you have the approach to mail? you are free to read the messages. than i guess they're not strange. just normal conversation once in a while.

maybe it's nothing. maybe he's just a different type of person as you and I. Some people are friendly with they ex'es. I hate it but they are.

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Yeah, I know... it's like sometimes I wish I didn't date guys in bands because of the popularity issue and sometimes I wish that I just had a normal guy that was always into me and made me the primary focus. Yes, I saw the emails but he doesn't know that I read them. But I guess yesterday, for instance, was our anniversary, and I found out that he emailed her ... and I'm thinking in my head... "why on OUR anniversary?!" Ugh, drives me insane but I don't say anything that I haven't already said once or twice before. I just like things when they are pleasant.

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If everything else is o.k. and you feel loved and appreciated and like a first prority to him than forget about it. Don't even read those e-mails. But if your vision how the relationship should look like is way different than his I think that it is a problem in the long run. Especially if you are bothered by that a lot.

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Hmm i would say this that HE REALLY LOVES U take it from me .. i mean he is not lying to u u can read his mails ..the guys honest ..dont make it a shakespeare play "much ado about nothing "

 

I think u should either let him be ..or if i were u i would want to get to know her i mean is there any harm if u get to know her ..i mean she has kids husband ...maybe she just needs friends ..so instead of being insecure about the whole thing why not get involved that way u would be right in the middle of the conversation ..and know whats going on

 

And hey dont judge a person before u get to know them ..i mean has she made a move on ure BF ..no ...has hidden anything from u ...no ..so then whats all the fuss about ...but dont ignore it but get invovled get to know her and see if what she really wants

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I agree with this. What you need is a shot of confidence. Feel confident in who you are & don't get into this insecure mindset "is he gonna leave me for her". Has your man ever given you a reason to not trust him? If not, then Kick those thoughts out of your head, and smile to yourself at the thought of how much you rock his world. Girl please, this chic is in the past, don't bring her into your head.

 

Salt

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sit i still talk to my ex's all the time over the internet and my gf doesnt get jealous or mad.

 

i think the reason i do tht is because when sumtimes i just need a fried or to talk to sum1 tha knows me better than i know myself and when ur gf just wont do becuz we all know that the ones we love wont always be brutally honest cuz they dont want to see u hurt.

 

But i would never ever leave my gf for my old ex's its just that they are good to talk to sumtimes when ur in need of help and need opions

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