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I don't want to be here anymore.

My life no longer has value.

I'm through.

There is always something new. Something more horrible around the corner.

Nothing can be stopped.

And to just think, a few months ago I was worried about an abusive stalker.

Who knew how worse things would get?

They are horrible.

I survived the stalker only to run head on into a rapist.

I don't want to be here anymore.

It's too much for me to handle, too painful, no relief.

What do I do?

There is nothing for me to do. There is no one for me to talk to.

I want to die, and that's that. Dying can't be more horrible than the life I'm living know.

If I can undergo months of agony, what's a few seconds more?

In case I don't make it, my rapist's name is Jonathan Blocker.

He attends morehouse college.

I suggest every woman stay away from him. Every person should keep their daughters and sisters and aunts and mothers away from him.


I think I died the night he raped me.

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You are not alone and if you die, you are giving in to him. He won! Don't let him. Someone VERY, VERY close to me (I don't want to say a friend or relation as to protect her identity) was molested. It hurt me to think maybe I could have done something to prevent it.


Bottom line though; she is still here and is a wonderful person. She got through it and I honestly believe you can. I won't pretend to know what you are going through, but it is possible that other girls going through the same thing, will need your help and guidance.

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Gracelove - I've read many of your posts and want to suggest to you that you either get back into therapy or check yourself into a hospital immediately.


You are probably suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and will most likely not get better without help. If you are contemplating suicide, check yourself into a hospital

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gracelove, i've read some of your posts and you've written some inspiring words to other people who have felt like victims to other events in their life. though you've felt pain, you've felt wrong, you've gone above and beyond to help people in their darkest hours. this was you just a few weeks ago:




that was YOU giving advice, helping people, drawing strength from your inner self. you have it in you to overcome this. listen to your own advice, to the people on this forum that believe in you. it's not going to be easy, everyday will be a struggle, but time and your inner strength will overcome this adversity. everyone in life is tested in different ways. i'm not a religious person, but this was your test and you have it in you to conquer this. and you will be a stronger person for it. don't let him ruin your life. prove him wrong, live your life to your fullest.

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  • 7 months later...

I can't believe I never thanked you guys for helping me in my time of need!


I've come such a long way. And of course, I'm still here.

Life was so completely horrible for me then. I was on medicine back then too.

Anyways, I appreciate your understanding and encouragement.

With love always,


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Oh Grace,


I remember your case. I honestly believe that those who are meant to live a full and prosperous ife are those who have to face the hardest ordeals and you are one of them.


You can get through this, i know you can. I can tell from your posts that you are a strong person. Please do not let the experience of one messed up and screwed up person / man hamper your experience of life.


Try to transform the experience - turn pioson into medicine. I once read a really good book about rape called 'After Silence' by Nancy Venable Raine and it was amazing. Her personal plight was amazing.


(I just went to the bedroom to retrieve it for you so i could give you the title, so you have to read it now!). Lol.

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