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What should I do?


tim2002
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Hi,

 

Me and my gf been together for 4 1/2 years (live together for 2 years). We never lived by our self we lived with her 2 sisters and their bf. There was always constant problem between us not because of us but it was caused by others. Her elder sister had a big influence on my gf life. I didnt take it serious in the beginning but later it get worse.

 

Her elder sister had a relationship for 2 1/2 years and she broke up with the guy and found a new guy within a month. Everything was great for her and they got engaged within a year and baught a house together. That made a big blow in our realtionship. Also since I am from differnt culture my parents didnt met my gf ( I dont care what my parents think but I was happy with my gf). For her thats a very important thing in the life that IN LAWS with open hand. I try to work on that part and said it might take some time for them to realize.

 

She expected last christmass I will propose her but I didnt do it. There was a sad thing happen in my family and I felt it wasnt a right time to do it. She got mad at me and I didnt explain why i didnt do it. And I said give me some time. Ever since she was giving me deadline and pressure. I didnt like to propse someone under pressure.

 

So when her sister baught the house we had to move out from the place we lived. I try to explain how I feel towards her and how much I love her. Also I had a plan that I was going to propse her during christmass but I didnt tell her that. She had lots of feeling for me and start to listen to me. But her sister said " If you guys want to break up do it now dont drag on to it". Also her sister said "there are many guys out there willing to make commitment you should go date other poeple too" She listen to her sister. So we moved out to diferent place.

 

She is living by her self and same as me. I feel really lost. I try to explain my situation in a letter. But the reposnce was strong and she doesnt want to change her mind. Few days ago I found she was looking for another realtionship online. Its really hurt my feeling. I cant able to get mad at her because anything she did in the past makes me mad to get over her. Most of the propblem caused by her sister.

 

She should learn to make her own decision. So can someone please advice what shoudl I do??? I dont like to pressure her. Is there are any thing I can try?

 

Thank you

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Any time someone attempts to pressure or back the other person into a corner, or sets deadlines, it will NEVER work.

 

Is this relationship damaged? Yes. Can it be fixed? Maybe, although it sounds like she's already starting to move on.

 

The only thing I can think of for you to do would just in a very non-confrontational manner, explain to your ex-girlfriend exactly what you've explained here. I would leave the part about knowing she's looking online out. She'll assume your jealous (you may very well be, but if SHE senses this in you, this relationship is OVER) if you mention it.

 

Just tell her the truth. You love her, you miss her, and you want to be with her forever. Explain your past behaviors, and your concerns in regards to the pressure her sisters put on her and you. Don't try to belittle her sisters, because they obviously have a very strong voice in her life, and that will only work against you.

 

If she realizes that you really love her, and if in her heart she really loves you, things will work out.

 

Good Luck.

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Hi,

 

Thanks for the quick reply. I explained everything on my letter why I didnt propose her and how are my feelings towards her. She reply back the letter and said " I have feelings as well but deep I know this relationship will no longer work. Many reasons being that one it's hard to forgive and forget. When you have been hurt it's hard to let go of that." Also she said "It was a good four years and I have learned a lot from you and I will not forget either. But with the above being said I think it's time for you to try and move on and get past this."

 

So I didnt reply that letter she called me that day and asked " I just wanted to make sure did you received the letter?" I said yes and she she said "how come you didnt repaly?" I said what you want me to reply? She didnt say anything. I asked do you want to go for a coffee and she said " Is that going to make any difference?" I said no but I just like to talk to you. She said yes maybe tomrrow but she never did call and I didnt call either. But then that night I saw her on my msn list she she didnt say anything and I didnt either. So I am kind of confused about her feelings.

 

Thanks

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You could make one last try to meet for coffee. She sounds as though she's pretty solid in her desire to move on, but then also sends the mixed signal of checking on you. I can't give advice on what to do if you indeed meet up with her, other than to be calm, non-argumentative, and caring. Try not to do too much of the talking, but try and listen, REALLY listen to her feelings. Don't be prying, but just try and assess whether there's anything left between you two. Just ask her, is this goodbye? (I wouldn't use that as my opening statement!!). If it is, give her a kiss, tell her thank you, and try to part amicably. You'll know whether there's anything left.

 

Good luck.

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Hi Again,

 

Just an update what happen over the weekend. Her aunt went and talk to her and she didnt ask directly about our relationship but she talked in a round about way. My ex mention that I was a really great guy and very honest and trustworthy. Also she said me and him never cheated on each other. But she was very disapointed that I didnt make any move in our realtionship. Also she said she made the decision to move on after her sister disapointed with the house buying thing(Originally they plan to buy the house next year and they change their mind). And she mention to her aunt she was online looking out for new poeple and she siad "its kind of scary out there".

 

Anyways She was online and I said "hi how are you?" she said "fine" I said "are you busy?" she said "no but what you want?" I asked about the dog we had she said "he said he is doing fine" I didnt want to continue and I said takecare and bye she said bye.

 

I am really confused that she told her aunt how nice person I am and then when I try to talk to her she is acting that she is mad at me? Why? Can someone please help.

 

Thanks

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