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I am glad that I found this forum. I am here to find a way to change the life I am currently living. A life which is without any purpose and just for the heck of it.

I am here in this world for 28 yrs and have achieved nothing.


A simple married life(for the last 1 year), a very ordinary job(because it was an ordinary computer science degree) and a very ordinary life.

I am the most lazy guy with no focus, low self esteem and low confidence level.

I mentioned that my job is ordinary, and it is really ordinary. People have told me that I can do wonders, but I sometimes wonder if that is the truth.

My wife keeps pushing me to go for a better job which gives me better growth opportunities but I am scared of failing in interviews. If I sit to prepare due to my lazy and laid back attitude I am not doing that or doing it very inconsistently.

I have wasted a lot of time in the past and wasted a lot of time when I had to work hard because of a stupid girl and her family. I really wish I was younger and more energetic. I have lost the enthusiasm.

I try to meditate everyday but I am still unhappy. I try to exercise my body by waking up early in the morning, but thats just for 2 days.

I lack time management, I don't prioritise stuff. I have tried to put a checklist to follow but never follow those.


Having said all the negative traits about me there are a few positives as well, I never try to hurt anyone and always think twice before I talk.


Now can someone guide me to overcome my negative traits and make a more positive person? I believe I can do it and I try to imagine myself in a better position.

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Well , I am just too lazy. I am giving excuses for not changing my job. I am worried about failure. I feel I lack the knowledge. To gain knowledge I need to study , but due to lack of focus and concentration I am unable to do that. My memory is very ordinary.


Thank you for replying so quickly.

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Hang in there. I really think you should see your doctor and the your doctor how you are feeling.


Also there are many self help books about becoming more positive and learning how to think positively. You really need to find the strength to start loving yourself. Try by starting of thinking of things that you are thankfu for l in life. It can be the smallest things. And build from that.


It is important for you to like who you are. But sometimes it is the hardest thing to do in life.

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i think you need to find something to get excited about. what do you like to do? just sit and think.. what are your interests. get together with friends and have a night a week to do something. so you have something to look forward to. life is short and you need to take advantage of the time you've got.

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Well, so many people lack knowledge. You seem to lack confidence. You feel like an imposter? Forget it...You must move forward, whether it's comfortable or not, or you'll just stagnate.


You know, the very fact that you question your capabilities might actually be a signal of more positive things, like integrity.

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Hi thirdeye,


Welcome to eNotAlone,


You are a good person, a bit imbalanced.


Reading eNotAlone helps too, you will realize that a lot of people have problems and that your life is quite positive.


The first thing I suggest that you make a contract with yourself - perhaps tell your wife too, to get up 3 days per week to excercise and do that for 3 weeks. Once you did that you will have improved your self esteem already.


Also, pick this and that to do. I do not need to tell you what to do, you know better than me what's best for you!


Perhaps write about your attempts successes into a diary or put sticky notes one the wall, you can smile about those and your wife will commend you.


We always will be here for you.

Edited by kamurj
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Welcome to ENA!



All of your problems are in your belief system! Remove TRY from your vocabulary, it gives you a back door to failure anytime you want to throw in the towel. Being afraid to fail is a natural thing but when you think about it, we fail every day in various ways. Those around you probably see you for whom you are and you see yourself for what you are. The difference is perspective, what you see is limited by how you feel about yourself.


Your lack of motivation and self esteem is your security blanket and you use it well, even in your written words. What you need is a "near death experience" a life changing event that brings to light how precious time is and how you have wasted it. What creates these life changing events? Usually failure, ill health or a something that would make you lay a skid mark in your BVD's. Mine was being diagnosed with Melanoma. You're really not afraid to fail, you're afraid to succeed! You're doing a great job failing already, you have all of the wonderful traits and you use them like a crutch. Don't you deserve to be happy which in turn brings happiness in to your home? Go listen to Tim McGraw's "Live Like You Are Dying" to create some urgency in your life!



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Wow, so many people to help me. I have really landed in the right place.

Ha ha, I wasted all my time when I had to work hard took life very casually. Today I am regretting.

I have read some self help books.

Yes , I know that I have start loving myself for what I am.

I have got a family in this group, I shall keep you posted with my progress.



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Aren't you being a wee bit dramatic, thirdeye?


You have a good woman, a college degree, a decent job, I assume a place to live and food to eat.


You Lazy = Comfortable but Wasted feelings


Get off your butt. Take a chance. Do not use this as an excuse. Don't dope yourself up with meds or begin to convince yourself you are ill,


If you haven't noticed: it's fairly normal to contemplate our lives as we get closer to 30. It's normal. New phase of life.


Just don't blow this out of proportion. sheesh. good luck. may you hear what you are seeking to hear....

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  • 2 weeks later...

It's entirely normal to feel as though life is unsatisfactory, boring and ultimately pointless.


However, it is probably (I'm still learning) what we make it. I faced boredom over the next fortnight and was annoyed because due to a few medical problems lately I couldn't get a tattoo or take a mini holiday in Paris/the coast next week. So instead, I'm going somewhere closer to home but still away for 2 nights with one of my closest friends, and I've also elected to go on the family holiday the week after which I wasn't going on originally.


I'm not convinced it'll all "help", but hey, I can at least say I've tried to fill my time with potential happiness-generators.

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I agree with Anti-love...


We do tend to get into these ruts. But don't look it them as a waste. Look at them as a learning experience.

What I've learned is that no one has the perfect life. It is up to each individual to grab happiness by the balls.


I am not exactly leading the "perfect" life at the moment. But that's okay. I'm doing what I can to make it better.

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Hi thirdeye

"When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer."

John Milton


OK let go


A life which is without any purpose and just for the heck of it.

I am here in this world for 28 yrs and have achieved nothing.


You can look at your life like that but you know its not true, your a good man, being a man is hard and a good one very hard. It means doing what is right evry day of your life, It means showing others what is right as well.

Have a good look around you at the dead beat dad, Drunks and Criminals.

Thats not you, thats what you did in your 28 years you did good.


A simple married life(for the last 1 year),


You made a comitment to some one you love thats is a very BIG DEAL.

if you have kids your saying I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU AS LONG AS I LIVE

thats is a very big deal.


a very ordinary job(because it was an ordinary computer science degree)


Your holding down a job that is also a big deal.


very ordinary life.


No you have made a good life for yourself throw hard work,


I am the most lazy guy with no focus, low self esteem and low confidence level.


This is the meat just here low self esteem and low confidence level Lazy you are not as if you where you would not have a job so forget that one.


What you are saying is you feel you need to do some thing more with your life, you needs some thing to get you out of bed in the moring, some thing to dream for and strive and fight for some thing to give your life the meaning you crave.



But I am scared of failing.


Yep thats it in a nut shell, see we feel good after doing some thing very hard becouse its is very hard and there is a chance we will fail.

What you need to do is is love that fear, get a thrill from it, trust your self to do things when you have put your self in a Pastion where your HAVE to do them.


Look for that new job, and know that you can do it, I know you think you can not but trust me you have more in you than you know. You know you can work harder, you know you can do more so get a job that means you have to do do that.


I bet you in 5 to 10 years you will be like this again, after geting that good job and climing high you will look at where you are now and say, I wish I had done more then, and what Im I to do now.

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Contrary to popular belief, knowledge is not necessarily power. You just need to take the initiative and the rest will follow over time. Besides, knowledge isn't as powerful as self-confidence.



Very intartresting point of view, I disagre but I would ask why do you say this? What leads you to feel that

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Well he says that he "does not have the knowledge" for getting that new interesting job that he wants. All you need is initiative. And in this case, just convince the employer that you can make them money. That's all it usually takes. That's what employers want to hear. I guarantee you that he will get a better job if he continuously does this.

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