Hannahleh Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 A few of my poems, maybe I'll post more later but these are all I could find at the moment. The last one's pretty old, and pretty bad, but eh. And I know they don't follow any particular style or anything... Antonym for Perfect. *** Told myself I wouldn't do it again But that was before I was lying in bed, heart beating Empty stomach yearning Guilty conscience burning I said I'd only have some applesauce— …Okay, and a bit of toast (with extra butter) Some almonds, Hershey's syrup straight from a glass Half a tub of Ben and Jerry's Peanut butter with my fingers Skim milk out of the carton Pizza, soup, and cheddar cheese Until I can't taste anything Just the bitter, salty taste of failure, and desperate tears running into my crying lips- When did I start crying? And this is the part Where I drag my swollen body to the toilet Shove peanut-butter caked fingers down my throat And let my self-revulsion do the rest of the work If getting every last bit out of my body would make me pure I'd be a ****ing angel tonight. But that's no angel I see in the mirror With her red chin and redder eyes And matching tear tracks down her face That's just another broken girl, telling herself That she won't do it again tomorrow. Summertime Boy *** I miss the boy with the smiling eyes; The butterscotch skin and his bittersweet lies. The soft sunshine kisses and feather light touch... I miss that sweet summer romance. But the summertime roses soon faded and died; Into Autumn's cool whisper and Winter's cruel pride, Spring's saccharine sunshine, and yet I'm still missing... Still missing my summertime boy. Taste of Yesterday *** Sitting on the peeling bench My feet aren't dangling down the way they used to. Have I grown taller, or has the bench sagged lower? Because I swear it was only yesterday Addie and I were skating here, at our rink. And it couldn't have been a month ago, He kissed me here, my first kiss, at our rink. But it wasn't only yesterday, there's Ugly words Graffiti It wasn't there before. Not on our bench, in our hut, not the one we'd whitewash Every year, coz no one else cared enough. But we didn't do it this year, did we? Addie has better things to do now, I suppose. And I'm thinking, now, that maybe I've Been too wrapped up in life to really live it. But it's too late now, I'm leaving this broken little town tonight, This town I've lived in forever. And all I've got are these memories And my shoes against the melting ice My last time sitting, here alone On our bench. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegirl_00 Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 I'm not an expert on poems, but I like the Summertime Boy poem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Wonderful poem esp. the use of imagery, it looked so real!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannahleh Posted July 13, 2006 Author Share Posted July 13, 2006 Thanks. And here's a kinda silly one I dug up, lol... I think I was bored in Algebra... The Llama Poem *** There's a llama out my window And he's watching me right now. He's scary and he's hairy, and there's anger in his brow. Oh mama! What a llama! You might think I'm making drama, But if you had a rabid llama Watching you (In your pajamas) Then you'd be upset, too. [Edited to remove comma. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Bear Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 you're HOW old? you asked for constructive criticism and i was in a mood to give some but as i interpreted them, your poems were awe-inspiringly flawless from end to end and your work reminded me of some of the world's greatest lady poets of the past. Hannahleh, here's some constructive criticism for you: have you thought about poetry as a career??? edit: found use for 'extra' comma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chai714 Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Taste of Yesterday is my favorite of the three. I think anyone of your audience members can relate to the feelings that poem brings. Good job on that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Bear Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 if i were you i would remove the comma after "scary" in the llama poem and submit ALL my work to a publisher NOW. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 if i were you i would remove the comma after "scary" in the llama poem and submit ALL my work to a publisher NOW. You must be a poems editor yourself, if not then you can try working on that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannahleh Posted July 13, 2006 Author Share Posted July 13, 2006 Lol, wow, you guys are making me blush. >. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dontwantthis Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 liked the antonym for perfect. think a lot of people can relate to it with eating disorders. try submitting it to a foundation for bulimia. im sure they would love to have it to read/give to any suffering members. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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