Is this love??

[equinox]

I think that I have falen in love with a wonderful lady. She is a few months younger than me and I find her very attractive. I have talked to her and she feels the same about me. This may sound stupid but I've never actually met her but I have talked to her on the phone and had web-cam chats with her. She is also coming to study for four years in the city I live in later this year.

 

Now I am the kind of person that has good self control when it comes to emotions, and I thought that I would never find a woman as I never met one that i had anything other than a physical attraction to. However, now that I have met one that shares my feelings I, for some reason, feel sad as well as happy.

 

At first i though that the girl was too good to be true, I made a thread about it btw, but I had a long talk with it about her and I now believe her fully.

 

Yet I am still feeling a mix of happyness and sadness, is this normal??

[strndedbyluv]

well first of all congrats on meeting someone!

secondly and lastly lol nothing is normal when it comes to love!

who knows what real love is? when its love you will just know it...

thats coming from the experience i had, i was married and thought it was love. but after my divorce, i met up with my best friend and soul mate again, and i knew it was love. there was nothing else it could have been. I just knew.

take it slow and let things develope. dont worry about what it is, or defining it. let everything work itself out and enjoy your time with her.

good luck!

[Scotcha]

What are your reasons for feeling sad about this?

[Batya33]

Just my humble opinion. You will have no idea whether you two click on a romantic level or have enough in common for an in person relationship unless and until you spend consistent in person time together for at least a few months. You have no idea what she is like in person - her body language, mannerisms, what she is like with others such as waiters, bosses, family, friends, neighbors, etc. You have no idea what she is like on a daily basis - on-line communication is selective and she can choose when to communicate with you as opposed to in person when she can't simply log off because she is in a bad mood or tired, etc.

 

You may truly believe you have romantic feelings like love for this person but those feelings are not based on real time spent with the person. On line communication can feel very real, deep, sincere, etc but you can't account for chemistry or interpersonal dynamics from just a web cam or IM. Certainly you can be lovely pen pals or phone buddies and get to know things about each other but whether this is "true love" or the foundation for a real in person relationship remains to be seen. Again, just my humble opinion and I hope you get to spend consistent in person time with her soon.

[RayKay]

I second Batya's comments.

 

I think you can be intensely into this person, and WANT it to be love, but I think true love only forms through shared experiences IN PERSON and through time together IN PERSON. True love does happen over time, and when you truly also know the person. If you don't "truly" know them, it's not "true" love, know what I mean?

 

On line, everyone is "perfect" (or at least they can be). It's just like always being on a "date". You are presenting your best self, you are not truly seeing them when things are just routine, you are not seeing how they deal with crisis, how you truly interact together, their little nuances or habits.

 

Don't put too much expectations on it before you meet, go into it hoping for the best but without the pressure of it having to meet your ideals. See what happens when you DO meet, and take it from there.

[FCTex]

I third it.

 

I just don't see how you can love someone through a wire, per se. Sure you might be emotionally attached to a degree, but you've got nothing physical to go by, and you've got nothing personal.

 

However, congrats on feeling that way.. Keep in mind, if you have to ask if it's love, then it's probably not.

[randiandriien]

Actually, I think it can be true love. I've seen it and done it. I won't let it go ever! That's how I met my fiance...neither of us were even looking for it. We would spend hours on the phone together. He finally made it here to stay for good, but had to leave for a little while to back to work where he was previously.

 

As for what the others were saying, yeah I can see to an extent learning how others feel about someone. We were both honest with each other from the start. I know it sounds crazy, but within 1 month I knew he would be mine forever.

 

So now I've learned that it's ok to meet people here- dating websites, etc. I think it gives us the chance to meet people we would not have ordinarily met because of the distance. I can say that people around here where I live...suck! lol Follow your heart! Always be careful though; there are psychos out there!