help! what it her friendship worth?

[GEMMACHURCH]

i grew up in a very tight knit of friends who are very close. when we were teenagers there was an episode where everyone fell out because my sister started going out with one of the boys in the group(leon). He had previously been going out with another girl (my friend kate) and she was heart broken when he finished with her. So my sister and leon started going out in secret. When it all came out the group 'disowned' rachel and leon for a few years. We are all grown up now, it is water under the bridge but the group is still affected with bad feeling in some ways.

 

During this time, as i had felt so bad for my friend kate, i made an extra effort to keep her friendship and show her that even thought rachel was my sister, i felt she had been unfair to kate and that i would always be there for her. As I was the closest friend kate had (she is a bit of a moaner!) i was often subject to * * * * *ing and ranting about how horrible my sister was and basically slagging her off. Becasue i felt so bad for my friend, i more or less went along with it. I felt it was a sacrifice to make to help her throught the situation ( as nothing would ever change between me and my sister) But i started to feel terribly torn when my sister became severly depressed with the gulit and the situation ( she was self harming)

 

I thought that Kate would always respect me for this, and always see me as one of her closest friends. However, when she went away to uni, she became distant and it seemed was making an effort to leave me out. Having a heart to heart with her, she confessed to me that when she found out about leo and rachel, she had gone and slept with peter, who was rachels ex boyfriend. (I realsied she became distant with me because she was fighting for peters attention when we were out)Now when Peter had split up wiht rachel she was even more distraught than Kate, i have never seen someone so heartbroken! so Kate had more or less confessed that she was condeming rachel, but was, herself, a hypocite.

 

I was so shocked i didnt say much. And because Kate told me in confidence, i couldnt tell anyone. I was tormented looking at my sister, so depressed when i knew a secret that would ease her suffering.

 

This is all long over now, but at the weekend we all got drunk and Kate( who can be very selfish sometimes) stared showing off. It was over something silly, but i ended uo exploding at her and told her how i felt about everything that had happened.

 

We sort of made up afterwards, but a friend of mine said i should send her an email and tell her how i feel soberly. I feel terrible that it came out like it did and i think that she was shocked at the way i felt. But other friends have said she should have been well aware that she was hurting me even though i didnt say anything.

 

I sent her an email. I told her how much she means to me, like a sister, but i was quite firm in how she hurt me and outlining the position (she should know) she put me in.

 

She has sent me quite an aloof text saying she will email me later. If she is fummy with me it is going to hurt so much and im so worried its going to pull the group appart.

My mum thinks she is a waste of space, a lot of my other friends think she is just selfish. But I feel so upset about it.

 

What should i do?

[confused25]

Man this is some mess you got yourself in! I feel so sorry for you! This is basically between Kate and your sister, I feel like they should be the ones that need to talk face-to-face. Maybe set up a time where all three of you guys can sit down and have a talk?

[GEMMACHURCH]

I know! its such a pickle! I have tried to push it down for so long, but i just couldnt help exploding, i have felt like this for so long

 

This is the problem though, Rachel doesnt know what kate has done and I cant telll her because kate told me in confidence. Or should I tell my sister anyway? She is so much happier now, her and kate arent really good friends anymore, but i dont know if bringing it up would be more trouble than it is worth. I just dont know how im going to handel the situation if kate is horrible or doesnt seem to care after readiing my email. I just want some respect from her!

[confused25]

Well they both did the same thing to each other, so technically both sides are at fault and they all should be even now. It all depends on who wants to be the bigger person and actually takes the initiative to get this thing resolved.