Dunno what I should do anymore...

[Polypeptide]

My bf broke up with me right after june graduation. He has moved back home 4.5hrs away from me.

 

We argued a lot in the past. We were not doing gd at all. We have communication problems. And I failed to show that I cared in various occasions.

 

His rationale was that since we would have LDR after graduation, it would be even harder to maintain. Given that we had problems while we r in close distance, we just won't survive LDR. And he was very busy with sch work be4 graduation, we didn't have much time to talk about breakup issues.

 

After he moved back home, we were on a "break" for a wk. Basically he wanted to break up but I just didn't wanna accept the reality. Finally he said he would make the breakup official. We would have a chance if we remain friends and learn to tolerate each other.

 

One of my past relationships ended really badly. I cried, pleaded, begged. I stalked my ex. I kept calling. All of these didn't work. At last I kicked his apartment door and broke the door. Till this day I still think he deserves that broken door. But I have learned my lesson and I won't do these ever again.

 

So this time, I didn't call him for 3 days after he broke up for real. And then he IMed me just to catch up. After that I returned the favor IMed him to ask about his job interview another day. We chatted. But it hurt so much for me to have contact with him. What's the point if we just r not bf-gf anymore?

 

I bought this up. He said if I have given up hope. There is no way we could be together. Well I just didn't have the guts to tell him not to contact me. We both admitted we missed each other. We talked about lots of stuff. Before he was so busy with sch work we barely had time to chat. So now we learned more about each other. He enjoyed the conversation. He said we should chat more in the future.

 

The next day, same thing. I felt so hurt for having contact with him. But yet I still didn't have the guts to tell him not to contact me. I told him I would get over him. He asked if i had truly given up on us, he should put efforts to learn to move on. I didn't answer him. He promised he would IM me the next day. He did.

 

But I tried my best not to contact him on my own. I didn't have the guts to del his IM. But phone number I had deleted to avoid calling him for no reason. I kept myself from reading his xanga and myspace.

 

He went on a trip to visit relatives in Oregon for july 4th wkend. He didn't have internet access. I missed him so much but resisted the temptation to call him myself. I deleted his number but I wrote it down somewhere. I resisted to call him.

 

He called me once he got back. Friendly conversation. We chatted once a day catching up. He would appologize if we didn't get to chat much that day.

 

And he would be in my area on sunday. We live 4.5 hrs apart. Only one shot to see him coz he has to travel. Then he asked if he needed to return anything to me. I was offended by that. We really shouldn't meet if the only reason is to return stuff. I would just feel like crap afterwards. But he insisted he really wanted to see me.

 

I really dunno what to do. Should I call it off on the meeting?

 

And is he showing some kind of desire wanting to be together again?

Is it just me imagining things? But he did call and chat more often after he admitted he missed me.

 

Should I do strict NC?

But communication problems were our main reason to break up. I really dun see how NC can help reconcilation. NC certainly will help me to move on. But NC just won't improve communication problems.

 

Should I just forget him?

There is a new guy who likes me. We went to movies and stuff. So I can pretty much have a new bf whenever I want by seeing this new guy. But I just dun feel like it. It seems to me that I have more interest in making it work with my ex than just date for the sake of dating.

[brando]

Do you honestly think you are ready for a new bf. ????? Dating is great, especially after a break up. Nothing heavy, no commitment, but date more than just one guy.

 

nless your ex tells you he wants to try again, he may just want to be friends, or friendly. And i don't know what is so bad about that. I feel you need to look within yourself and learn what is actually causing you so much pain, i do not believe it is because you feel you are in love with him. Love doesnt feel that bad. I am not a believer in what this forum preaches about NC. I have realized from my experience that the pain you are feeling is something lacking inside of you. I am not trying to be harsh, it took me some time to realize this after my divorce. If you want to remain friends with your ex, then do so. If you do not then tell him. But remember it is not him that is causing you all the pain you are feeling, a small part of it perhaps, but the rest is yours.

 

You need to fully accept this breakup. Relinquish all hopes of getting back together and continue on your own path. And when you feel stronger, perhaps then you can reocnsider if you stillwant to be with the ex.

 

Until then take some time to heal. Find out the things that are causing you such deep pain. It is more than just the ex and this break up, believe me. And if other guys are asking you out, then go. And enjoy their company. But try not to stick with just one guy, until you feel you are no longer feeling the pain of the breakup, because although temporary, a new relationship may just be a temporary fix.

[robowarrior]

You are desperate and you don't have a independent life of your own. Do you enjoy having a chain with ball around your leg? Im sure you don't and he doesn't either. What's wrong here is that you have putted your life into a place where it doesn't belong, namely in his hands. What you need to do is to bring the power of your life back where it belongs , namely in your own hands.

 

There's a lot more wrong tho....

 

When he went with you in a relationship, did he think im with her so she can make my life miserable? Did you go with him so he could make your life miserable? Of course NOT! , you are supposed to make eachother happy.

 

What good is all these (small) arguments you have that only act as droplets of poison to the relationship and lead to BIG break-ups? By putting darkness and hatred into eachothers lives you are completely ruining everything, rather try to compromise, and bet yet ONLY put love and light into the lives of other people on a continues basis. You see the meaning of life is to love and help other people. The universe acts like a mirror, what you cast into it will be reflected back at you. So if you put in love and light, then happyness will be casted back on you. If you put in misery and arguments then hatred will be casted back on you. thereforeeee watch out in what you put into the life of someone else. Make sure its only love and light, otherwhise you'll find yourself in a living nightmare soon enough.