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marymarg
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i am a somewhat a strong, mature woman but I am jealous of my boyfriend's ex-wife because he spends time with her on the phone talking about other stuff other than the kid's activities and when she brings the kids for a visit he spends more time "hanging out" with her.....he is no longer physically attracted to her so i know that there will be no sexual affair....but to me this is almost like having one.....i know they are just friends, best friends, but it bothers me....i want to be a "better person" and get on with "my" life but this bothers me......he asked me not to make him choose......her and i are "friends" but it would not be real if i continued the "friendship"...my boyfriend and i love each other very much.....i think what i need to do is get my own life going, i am new in this town and have no friends yet.......i guess i want someone to validate my feelings....then again i want to be able to let this go and just enjoy our life......growing but stuck

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Jealousy is a very difficult beast to conquer, once you've begun wrestling with it in regards to a particular person. It becomes extremely difficult to keep your perspective.

 

You might try looking at things from this perspective. He's YOUR boyfriend, not her husband (at least not anymore). You're not in a competition with her, so why try to compete? He comes home each day to YOU.

 

The kids and his ex will be a part of his (and by extension,yours) for the rest of his life. Rather than feel as though your 'losing out' on his friendship, try to focus on the fact that he's being a good father to his kids, in being that he's still able to get along well with their mother, despite no longer being married to her.

 

It probably feels to you like you're walking into a movie that's already half over. The rest of the audience is able to laugh right along with what's on the screen, because they know the context of what's happening, while you're still trying to figure things out. Don't get mad at the audience because they know what's going on, just relax and try to enjoy the time you have.

 

These are entirely normal and understandable feelings, you just need to make sure they don't become the focus of your life. You're already adding your own chapters to the tapestry that becomes a shared life. Don't be obsessed with what the other threads are doing.

 

It would NOT be a good idea to pressure him, he'll only feel MORE in the middle than he already is. I would think for your sake he would try to limit himself in his interactions with his ex, but he may very well not realize how much his openess with her is troubling you. I don't know that you can 'get' him to change. I think you just need to focus more on your shared bonds and try to move forward.

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Realism is the key...

 

Since he is just your boyfriend and nothing past that at this point. Access your feelings. If you are 100% sure that you cannot deal with this behavior then you should reconsider your situation.

 

Shy_guy is right jealousy can be a tough beast to dance with in a relastionship.

 

Confort him and tell him how much it is bothering you. He and her should understand. Simply because if she is truly his friend only then she will also and back off a bit.

 

Since he asked you not to make "him" chose then you chose. If he cannot make you comfortable in this relastionship then perhaps you should consider moving on in your life.

 

Sorry, I'm not going to tell you what you wanna hear, but rather what you need to hear.

 

There is no point in dating someone in which you feel uncomfortable when you can back off and start anew. But if you can deal with this or if does something about it then things will get better. But no you are right in feeling a little bothered by all of this. Noone should ever allow their mate to feel uncomfortable in the relastionship especially due to a old love.

 

Make the right decision, talk to him, and stay positive.

 

Things will work out for you.

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