Things to say. Things to do.

[jchan]

okay. so i decided not to chill out with ex. not for another month (until my exams are done). she seems insistent on meetin up with me to return my stuff. in addition she seems quite eager to hangingout, and finding out how i'm doing.

 

so NC for another month here i come.

 

i know i'll go nuts again, with her stuck in my dreams, mornings that feel crappy, and thoughts of her zooming by from time to time, but i'm fighting it. getting stronger each day. i'm studying, doing things, getting my butt kicked doing things with school clubs (tell you more later after the exams) but yes. last night, i vented out and wrote a letter to her. it hasn't been sent and i don't think i should. but i could send it to you guys, i'm not sure if i should post it here on the site because that may get me banned.

 

in terms of direction:

 

so far a trip to madagascar has been planned with my army buddies. hopefully we'll do that, watch the world cup before we have to go back to trainig this summer. i won't be going to thailand. not yet. (madagascar is cheaper, because my friends have relatives there, in addition, it's much better not bump into the ex)

 

i've made a choice that i'm going to make a decision in my life. graduate from university. take my dad's company to greater heights. make heavy investments into the real estate world, and start my own import/export/trading company.

 

question is i can't delay the inevitable. we will eventually have to meet up. things i want to know are:

 

a) what's the best behaviour? act as though we started to meet each other for the first time? humerous, fun

b) how should i react if she brings up the topic of us

c) how should i react if she brings up the topic of her new flame

d) how she wants to continue being friends?

e) what answer should i give her if she asked how i was? (do i even tell her that i miss her company, intimacy, her as a person?) (or do i just put on a poker face and tell her everything's wonderful?)

 

i want to pursue her and still be with her, i've thought about it hard. i know she's not perfect, but she's great. i know i'm not perfect, but i love myself enough to realize that i got potential to be so much more. i see that this relationship can blossom into something more. the question is what am i supposed to do aside from NC and after NC?

[tylercdurden2004]

Dont meet her. Move on.

[coooolsome]

Yes, move on. She does not deserve to know how you are doing. Why should she even care. She wants to make sure you are doing great to ease her guilt. Dont let her use you and then when she feels all better, drop you.

[renaissancewoman101]

I know the best advice for the OP is NC and to move on. But, it seems as though the OP wants to see if he can be friends with his ex and have some sort of connection with her sometime in the future, as well as getting his stuff back. I do applaud him for having the fortitude to resist his ex for the time being and waiting until he is finished with exams to get his stuff back.

 

But, I just think that you guys are so cold in just telling him to "not meet her and move on". Both of them have feelings and although I do approve of NC to get over someone, NC should not be used as a forever thing. I guess I am this way right now because yesterday morning I sent my ex an email giving him my new address and asking him for some of my money back (my ex still owes me about $1500). This morning I got an email back from him that he was going to send me money sometime next week. He then asked me how I was doing and stuff like that and he told me how things are going with him. I dont want to be friends with him right now because we live too far away and I dont want a pen pal, but we are civil right now, which is good. I did write back to him telling him I was doing well.

[Lady Bugg]

Hey RW....you've come a loooong way. I am very proud of your progress since your move!!!

 

To the poster...do your best to move on, but keep an open mind. Do things to better yourself. I think the goals you have in mind are great ones, now you need to apply yourself to achieving them. Yes, you will have your setbacks, but that's normal. Think of it as a challenge for yourself. I LOVE a good challenge. If you make it one month..challenge yourself to 2...then 3....

If you slip, it's ok. No one is keeping score but you. Remember that.

[renaissancewoman101]

LB, I am doing a lot better than when I first moved out here. I am adjusting to life out here and am happy but I need to find a job eventually. Dont need to run out of money. Hearing back from the ex this morning was a good thing. I had talked to him last Friday to see when he could pay me back and he asked me to email my address to him and so I did. I am glad that he emailed me back. Just hopefully he starts to pay me back. I kinda need that money.

[bobo85]

a) what's the best behaviour? act as though we started to meet each other for the first time? humerous, fun

b) how should i react if she brings up the topic of us

c) how should i react if she brings up the topic of her new flame

d) how she wants to continue being friends?

e) what answer should i give her if she asked how i was? (do i even tell her that i miss her company, intimacy, her as a person?) (or do i just put on a poker face and tell her everything's wonderful?)

--------------------------------------------------------------

a) Be friendly without showing any emotional attatchment. Act like she is a normal friend. Do not bring up what went wrong in the relationship or anything about the past. Just be casual and act like a buddy.

 

b) If she brings it up the old relationship you can either decide to go down that road again of emotion or just completely cut her off. Why would you want to re-open a wound when it hasn't healed yet. If you feel like you have to discuss it for closure then be completely honest but let her lead the conversation at first. Then if you have any questions ask her directly without being around the bush. Be honest but don't seem desperate or needy.

 

c) If she talks about her new flame just say that you are happy for her and change the subject. She has no right in rubbing her new flame in your face like that. That is f'd up and you shouldn't tolerate that. Actually if she does mention her new flame, politely tell her you have somewhere to be and show her the door. Don't take that rudeness from ANYONE.

 

d) Tell her the truth. If you think you can be friends in the future tell her you just need some time. Obviously its damn near impossible to be friends with someone right after a breakup because of all the feelings and resentment. If you don't think you can be friends tell her that its your personal choice and she has to respect that. She chose to end the relationship and you have to respect that....so you if choose to end the friendship...and she has to respect your decision.

 

e) If she asks you how you are..just say your doing good. Don't show that your completely hurting and heart broken. She probably knows it already but there is no need for you to act like that. Desperate and needy are NOT attractive traits.

 

Also your doing NC for the wrong things. NC will not magically bring back your ex. NC is for you to heal faster without any physical contact with the ex. This way you can heal much faster. Being around her will only delay your healing time. Also do not put a time limit on NC. Do NC until you are over her completely plus another month. If she does contact you by phone, text message, email or whatever....don't reply because it will only be temporary relief. You will feel good for a few hours but then you will go back to square 1 of the healing process. You have to heal and move on. Don't let this girl hurt you again. Think with your brain and not your heart. Your heart is injured right now so you won't be able to make good decisions with it.

 

Good luck !!!!!!!

[Lady Bugg]

I hear ya RW....can't pay the rent on looks alone!

It would be nice for your ex to send you some money...lets hope he does for your sake! Good luck with everything!