agualibre Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 I think I am drama prone or something. So I've been KIND of seeing a guy, we are not committed to each other. This whole thing has taken WAY too much thinking for me. But basically this is the deal, my friend called me to say that he is a player.... and I flipped out on him, called him, left tons of messages about how I thought I deserved more and all that. He apparently was out of town, when he got back later he called me and was like, what's going on? So, I told him about what happened. And at first he said he didn't know who they were and then he said he thought he knew who I was talking about but he didn't really know them and didn't know what they were talking about. He sounded a bit mad at first but was pretty calm about it, then I went over and we hung out. Before I went over, I called my friend and left a message saying I'd talked to him and it seemed cool to me. And this morning I got a text message from her saying "I link removed.Rude!!" Needless to say, I was confused. Called her immediately. She went on about how is a player and I disrespected her by leaving that message. She seemed a bit paranoid. Needless to say, she is a bit bizarre sometimes, she met him once and said that he seemed cool. But that whole night she was very withdrawn and sort of odd. It made me uncomfortable. Then when I called him and told him about it tonight, he sounded a little bit irritated. Then I called him later and said I just wanted him to know I wasn't trying to accuse him, that he has made no commitment to me, so why should I be worried about what other people say, he can't play me if he hasn't said anything about commitment. He said, yeah, he didn't have a problem with me but he was mad that they were still talking about him for two days and how long was this going to go on for. He started talking about wanting to kick some butt. I was surprised. I must note, we've had sex, but just two times (mostly initiated by myself) and have spent lots of times hanging out just cuddling or just chilling together joking around or whatever. I have had no personal experience to indicate he just wants me for sex, but I also have had no personal experience to indicate that he wants to jump into a relationship with me either. But then, we haven't been hanging out tons of times yet either. He probably DOES flirt with other girls, but at this point, I'm also totally free to flirt with other boys. So it isn't about being played at all. What do you think about this whole thing? I have to say I felt like maybe he'd said to me he didn't know the sister and then later said that he did in the same conversation, so there may be something there he wasn't saying. He admitted that maybe once he flirted with her, but he didn't understand why they were saying all that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 What was her evidence for saying he was a player? Did she offer any proof other than unsubstantiated gossip? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 yeah, I think you *might* be bringing the drama on yourself. Before confronting him, first examine the evidence for him being a player. If there was solid evidence, better just to drop him. But then, you talked to him, and what did you think he was going to say, "Actually, yes, I am a player. I try to sleep with and lie to as many women as possible." Of course he's going to say he's not, whether he is or isn't! And then you go back to her to report that he's not a player? Yeah, she's going to be a bit upset, because now you are spreading it around that she is a gossip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agualibre Posted April 11, 2006 Author Share Posted April 11, 2006 help for advice!! now, the two of us met on a personals internet site, but you don't have pictures or names unless you want to. i saw an ad that really looked like it could be him and i want to confront him about it. i sent a fake reply to see what he says. now honestly, he has no need to be faithful to me but if he's going back to the same site to look for other women then obviously he doesn't see any hope in me right? no, there was no substantiation of it except it is "well known" reputation or whatever. my friend shouldn't be upset about that because she knew i was going to confront him about what she was saying... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 wait wait wait... if you are "kind of seeing" him, it sounds like he is more than free to date whoever he pleases. He's doing nothing wrong by responding to ads and posting them. After all, that's how he met you and you two aren't officially exclusive. What are you trying to prove with this experiment? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CluelessGuy321 Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Maybe it's because I'm just an old fashioned guy. Maybe I'm not with the times. But: You both are having casual sex with no supposed strings attached So um.......why would you even care if he's a player or not? Sounds like you're both just in it for sex.....although you seem to be more inclined towards a relationship than he is....but from everything I've read, most relationships that start out with sex right away don't last long at all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 no, there was no substantiation of it except it is "well known" reputation or whatever. my friend shouldn't be upset about that because she knew i was going to confront him about what she was saying... well, gossip isn't proof of anything. Ok, so he dates a lot of girls, now you know. However, if you told him that your friend said whatever, instead of making her anonymous, yeah, she'd be upset because now you're making it sound like she's this gossip who's trying to ruin his social life.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agualibre Posted April 11, 2006 Author Share Posted April 11, 2006 no but the girl who is saying it is roommates of my friend. and she insists he is a player. and i know that there is no commitment, but STILL, he has implied he wants to build something so of course i care... and actually i do want more with him than just friendship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agualibre Posted April 11, 2006 Author Share Posted April 11, 2006 it WAS him. he replied asking for a photo. and then we'd been talking, he was saying he wanted to have a friendship to build towards a relationship, blah blah. and he replied to my fake email. he said the SAME thing in that email "he was looking for a relationship", but when he is talking to me on the phone he says he is not looking one specifically. he is a LIAR. basically, he said he didn't know that girl, then he said he did know her all in the same conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tylercdurden2004 Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 it WAS him. he replied asking for a photo. and then we'd been talking, he was saying he wanted to have a friendship to build towards a relationship, blah blah. and he replied to my fake email. he said the SAME thing in that email "he was looking for a relationship", but when he is talking to me on the phone he says he is not looking one specifically. he is a LIAR. basically, he said he didn't know that girl, then he said he did know her all in the same conversation. WOW...all I could muster up is three letters..well um 45. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 OK, so now what? Are you going to stop seeing him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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